Give the people what they want, hotcrp -- emoji and gif reacts

I don't have proof of any grand conspiracy (yet), but I am convinced that Big Soap dispensers do not dispense enough product for someone with average-sized hands. You need at least two squeezes, minimum.

Happy To Announce™️ I'm righting a longstanding wrong and have created what I believe to be the world's first tier list ranking of the animals from Camille Saint-Saëns' "The Carnival of the Animals."

Some exciting three-day-old news to share -- Dave and I won the 2025 Caspar Bowden PET Award for our S&P work last year on Wi-Fi Positioning Systems!

Incredibly excited to share that I'm starting as an assistant professor in the computer science department at Johns Hopkins University July 2026! If you're interested in doing empirical network security and privacy work, let's talk!

Happy to report that I've successfully completed my PhD defense at UMD! Infinitely grateful for the support of my many mentors, friends, and colleagues over the years. Looking forward to working on more cool networking and security things with more cool people in the near future!