I really hate how we got the boring dystopia part, extreme inequality, a rotting planet, mass surveillance, ai ruining our lives, without the cool cyberpunk part, flying cars, 80s punk aesthetic, neons everywhere.

Worm eat brain

What is happening

I haven’t read infinite jest but I played the gameboy game

don't forget

I for one would like to stop being trapped in a Matt Groening panel from 1996

All of this wouldn’t have happened if Zuckerberg hadn’t been a horny little pervert in college.

It's disorienting living in the Wile E. Coyote portion of a country's life cycle. We ran off the cliff but haven't plummeted down yet. We're just now starting to hold up the big YIKES sign

sorry I’m late, my robotaxi plowed through an orphanage

This dude just stopped me in the streets. Asked me if I’ve seen a bird run past???

me: everything bagel plz him: even war? me: onion bagel plz

Times like this I remember my father's advice on my wedding day: "If you ever get your hands on nuclear weapons, never, EVER give them up because they'll kill you like they killed Qaddafi"

Crocodile Pope when?

Had spicy Thai for lunch yesterday. And boy lemme tell you, my mouth writes checks my butt can’t cash.

fingers crossed 🤞🏼

Time spent in the shower: 5% soaping up 95% letting warm water soothe my tired old body

Adults my whole life: When are you gonna grow up and get serious Adults right after I grow up: There shouldn't be a government

You may have slaughtered my family, but I shall defeat you in the marketplace of ideas

Art can tell us so much about our past. For example, we know Europe was going through a mini-Ice Age during the Reinassance by looking at how small the peepees Michelangelo sculpted are.

Me: Oh no that trolley is going to run us over! Guy tied up on the track next to me who somehow thinks he's actually the guy holding the lever: Lol cry more 😂

A bearded dude dressed in red flying around the world giving free stuff to all sorts of kids. Sounds like communism to me. 🤔

in your dying moments you see a Jackie Chan style closing credits blooper reel of all the times you hurt yourself

[with dying breath] Tell my wife that I loved…the shareholders

I used to add beep boop onomatopoeias to my posts on Reddit in the hope to finally feel the warmth of strangers’ approval when people commented “good bot”

my two modes

One of the worst feelings must be having a eureka moment in a dream and then waking up either not remembering the genius idea or remembering it and realizing it’s utter bullshit.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and a horse that solves crimes

Secret Panel HERE 😐 tapas.io/episode/363848

At some point, somewhere along my path, I didn’t notice but I crossed an invisible door. And I entered the clown dimension.

If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you? Me, pondering: so… in this hypothetical scenario I have friends?

Microplastics inside our body are the vengeful ghosts of dinosaur haunting us and eating us from the inside.

Secret Panel HERE 😏 tapas.io/episode/2470404

Me: it's not a sprint, it's a marathon Work: actually it's a 26.2-mile sprint