Do you want Keith Moon wordplay explained with reference to rhotic and non-rhotic pronunciation? Of course you do. What about Miss Pamela from the GTOs? There too. Thunderclap Newman? Skinheads? The Plastic Ono Band? All there! What about the future lead singer for the Small Faces? Ah well yes …

The St Albans Choir! Tito Burns! Bunny Lake is Missing! The Spencer Davis Group! The Alan Parsons Project! The Mike Cotton Sound! The Batley Variety Club! Queen! ZZ Top!

The St Albans Choir! Tito Burns! Bunny Lake is Missing! The Spencer Davis Group! The Alan Parsons Project! The Mike Cotton Sound! The Batley Variety Club! Queen! ZZ Top!

Sigmund Freud! The Large Hadron Collider! The World Health Organisation! Jan and Dean Meet Batman! A great falsetto singer despite all available evidence! Tiny Tim! George Adamski, a new age guru and flying saucer cultist! Rod Stewart!

Gregorian chants! Coca-Cola commercials! Andrew Lloyd Webber! Bonita Applebum! The Dogshit Album! Guardians of the Galaxy vol.2! Doctor Who benefit records! A combination of sitars, choral vocals, theremins, and the Chicago Symphony Orchestra! Maya Rudolph!

Rod Stewart! UB-40 (derogatory)! Professor Longhair! The first Bond movie! Haile Selassie! Ukrainian progressive metal! Wynder K Frogg! Mott the Hoople! Nirvana! Theophilus Bickford! The Wicker Man! Eighteen months between seasons of Doctor Who! Rick Moranis! Twiggy! The Grateful Dead! Bobsledding!

When there was only one set of footprints, it was the Sand People

Dave Brubeck! Better-known musicians like Muggsy Spanier! Peanuts! Shortenin’ Bread! Brian Wilson! Small hands! Draft dodgers! Charlie Christian! Benny Goodman! Roll ‘em Pete! The Ink Spots! Bill Dogget! Booker T and the MGs! Elvis! The Kingsmen! Gossamer Wump! Taylor’s Version!

Hudie Ledbetter! The Beatles! Bob Dylan! Frank Zappa! A jazz flute solo! Michael Nesmith! Legendary accordion player Flaco Jiménez! Jerry Garcia! The Grateful Dead! Willie Nelson! Los Lobos! Non-Euclidean mathematics!

@andrewhickey.500songs.com Rod Stewart!

Beethoven! Mozart! Rod Stewart! The Mafia! Bogart’s Casablanca Records! Charo the Cuchi Cuchi Girl! The Electric Pigeons! Ricky T and the Satans Three! Neville Chamberlain! Nuremberg!

Rod Stewart! Benny Hill! No-hit wonders The Senators! Slade! More Rod Stewart! Joan Baez! Carmine Appice! Willie Dixon! Jake Holmes! Tabla player Viram Jasani! Bert Jansch! Booker T and the MGs! Otis Redding! Steve Cropper! Muddy Waters! Dusty Springfield! Hobbits!

Wardrobe malfunctions! Joe Bloggs! Jett Powers! The Australian top ten! Bix Biederbecke! Engelbert Humperdinck! Caligula! Dorian Gray! A Lear Jet and multiple Rolls Royces! Dutch progressive rock band Focus! David Niven! Madonna! I will, for what I hope are obvious reasons, not be excerpting this.

Several Yardbirds anecdotes, some of which may even be true! A ‘different’ interpretation of Mrs Robinson! The most tasteless folk group ever! Emergency pool construction! Jackie DeShannon’s wild rock and roll lifestyle! Multiple Rod Stewart cameos!

Gadzooks! It’s the In Crowd!! Gonks Go Beat! Cucumber Castle! A ‘different’ interpretation of Mrs Robinson! The Cherry Picker, bad even by the standards of 1970s British sex comedies! Take That! Ronan Keating!

N: Edinburgh, UK E: Nadi, Fiji S: Weddell Sea, Antarctica W: San Francisco, USA Makes for a confusing acrostic

Morton Feldman! Marty Feldman! Milton Friedman! Miloš Forman! Michel Foucault! Melvin Franklin! Millard Fillmore! Flanking! 4Q! Sherbet! Frolicking! Flinging! Martin Freeman! Michael Fabricant! Michael Flatley! Mia Farrow! Michael Fallon! Max Fleischer! Mariella Frostrup! Matt Fraction!

Far-out jazz! Milton Friedman! Billy Connolly! Morgan Freeman! e=mc^2! Michael Fish! neo-beatnik self-determination! Maria Félix! Sun Ra! Mister Fantastic! Robert F Kennedy! (non-derogatory) Man Friday! Pigasus! Missy Franklin! The White Album! Mod Ftewart! David Peel! Magnificent Frigatebird!

WHITE AMERICAN BOOMER: What the $&@# is this? English folk music? This no more belongs in THE History of Rock Music than … I don’t know, Britney Spears! RICHARD THOMPSON: Hold my … hang on, hold those beers of Pegg, Bonham and Joplin [MEDIEVAL STRUMMING INTENSIFIES]

Denis Daugherty! No relation to Denny Doherty! Emory Gordy! No relation to Berry Gordy! Classics IV! No relation to The Classics! Mamas & Papas/Soul Train! No relation to The Mamas & the Papas or Soul Train! Apparently this is the 32nd most played song of the C20th, which is spooky! But not Spooky!

Lingo the Drifter! Max Margulis! John Sebastian! Leonard Cohen! Gordon Lightfoot! Stephen Stills! Linda Ronstadt! Chelsea Clinton! Yippies! Humpback whales! The Pipes And Drums And Military Band Of The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards! A seven-minute song about the life and death of Che Guevara!

Elvis impersonator sound-alikes! Damn, already done. ‘Dizzy’ is a banger of a track and I only knew the Vic Reeves version. Political correctness gone mad! If you’re not subscribing to this Patreon by now I really can’t help you.

Short’nin Bread! Fiddlin’ John Carson! Lightnin’ Hopkins! Howlin’ Wolf! The Lovin’ Spoonful! The Electric Dysentry! Dylan goes electric! The Cheerful Insanity of Giles, Giles, and Fripp! Scottish accordion player Jimmy Shand! Lineup changes!

Just as finding the piece by harmonica player John Sebastian called ‘John Sebastian plays Bach’ is tricky, web-searching for ‘Smith’ may be a challenge … here also we find P.F. Sloan, Joy of Cooking, Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, and the all-female band Fanny

Bananarama! Liberace! Jelly Jungle (Of Orange Marmalade)! Six men who would mostly probably not meet contemporary unfair standards for male physical attractiveness! The Minnesota Twins! Here’s hoping!

The sequel to Shaft! A Grammy Song of the Year award ahead of (checks notes) Hey Jude and Mrs Robinson! Frank Zappa’s Hot Rats Album! Dr Seuss! If I Knew You Were Coming I’d Have Baked a Cake!

[theme music plays] “Patreon bonus episode number 396, ‘Rockin’ the Man in the Boat’, by Mike Love” [9 and a half minutes of content warnings] “This is the worst song that has ever been recorded. I will not be playing an excerpt. Thank you very much for listening “ [theme music plays]

Content warnings! The Lemonheads! Iggy Pop: this guy is nuts! Black gay Communist poet Langston Hughes! Fleetwood Mac! The Grateful Dead! Muhammad Ali! Acceptance speech humour from Bob Dylan! Tennille! Barry Manilow! We’re going to need a bigger skeet.

Mike Mills! Gram Parsons! Stax! The Bangles! Yoko Ono! Geoff Emmerick! Ray Davies! Dusty in Memphis! Tav Falco! Katy Perry! A 10 minute Patreon bonus that is 1.5hrs long and covers material you’ve either never heard of or are mad that it doesn’t get a main episode. There’s no pleasing some people.

Zen And The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance! Vincent Price! A Kafkaesque web of bureaucracy! The Moody Blues! Doug Dragon! The Captain and Tennille! AC/DC! Barry Manilow! Zee Zo Zosi Zadfrack!

Zaphod Beeble- D’oh! It’s been done! Oh well, there’s still: several rather poor British sex comedies! The Perfumed Gardeners! Les Cousins! The poetry of Blake and Yeats! “Hoots Mon!” by Lord Rockingham’s XI! The new Englebert Humperdinck!

The Bosnian Hornpipes! The KLF! Jethro Tull! The King of Elfland’s Daughter! The Lord of the Rings! Robert Louis Stevenson! Bowie on Sax! Sellers on Ukelele! Morris Dancing! An experimental Brechtian drama about the Napoleonic wars! Wassailing! John Barleycorn Must Die by Traffic!

Proto-karaoke! Blind Lemon Jefferson! Juneteenth! The Biden Administration! Mindful:Leadership Tips From Marcus Aurelius to Declutter and Detox Your Mind in Just 24 Seconds! Sigmund Freud! Heinlein! The least-documented year of Grateful Dead taping! Discover Yourself Through Astrology! The Munsters!

Rude boys! Skinheads! Bob Marley! A belief that of course has no historical validity! Supposedly incomprehensible lyrics! A bad synth-heavy album of new material, produced by Robert Palmer! Another episode which has likely doubled the amount of information available on an artist

Charles Mackay! The Black and White Minstrel Show ran on British TV until 1978!? William Shatner! The gloriously named Eck Kynor! The Maharishi! Terrible human being Roman Polanski. James Buchanan!? Surely no-one will be worse than James Buchanan??

Eastern-influenced Baroque folk! Gadzooks! It's All Happening!! Les Cousins! A guitarless guitarist! A faithful bassist! Plagiarism! David Bowie! Sir John Alot Of Merrie Englandes Musyk Thyng & Ye Grene Knyghte! Sir Gawain! Joanna Newsom! Johnny Marr! Bruce Loose! Kate Bush! Rod Stewart!

Cucumber Castle! Winnie the Pooh! Prince Rupert Loewenstein! The tea-drinking British chapter of the Hell’s Angels! Plato! Ned Kelly! Seven dollars for a Stones concert! George Lucas! Rod Stewart!

Uruguayan skiffle! Los Mockers! No, not the new wave Kiwis! No, not the Virginian powerpop outfit! The Uruguayan Rolling Stones! The Dukes of Dixieland! Submarino Amarillo! Candombe! Not Candomble! Thanks to Tilt for helping and manfully resisting from inserting an excerpt of ‘El cobarde universal’

Cheap guitars (allegedly)! David Bowie! Jesus, Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King! We need to get Magic to chart again so this one-hit wonder can once again be unique …

Milton! Bulgakov! C.S.Lewis! The Devil! Index Librorum Prohibitorum! Don Quixote! Malcolm X! Nirvana! Rudolf Nureyev! Margot Fonteyn! Aristocrat-cosplayer Jacob Rees-Mogg! Arthur C Clarke! Great Mersey Delta Bluesman John Lennon! Vanessa Redgrave! Godard! Faust! Taj Mahal! Aeon of Horus! Barbarella!

Homo erectus! Erectile disfunction! The Star Wars Trilogy! Leonard Nimoy! Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey! Simon Smith and the Amazing Dancing Bear! The Captain and Tennille! Faust! Dick Cavett!

My scheduled‘Dr Robotnik! Rod Stewart!’ post will be up soon but in the meantime take 4d6 and create your own 500 songs intro! To tell the story of [A. Artist/Band], we must first explore [B. Phenomenon], and so we must go back to [C. Time] and discuss [D. Person/Thing]

The Marquess of Queensbury! Nose guitars! Anita Pallenberg! Peter Gosling! No, the other one! Doctor Robotnik! (The eggman, not the walrus) Eva von Sacher-Masoch, Baroness Erisso! The Kinks! The advent of the Internet! Jimmy Tarbuck! Oscar Wilde! Rod Stewart!

As The Mamas and The Papas didn’t exactly sing in Twelve Thirty, John Mayall’s Coming to the Canyon! With his stash of Rare Vintage Pornography! Dantalian's Chariot and Zoot Money's Big Roll Band! The banjolele! Could Rod Stewart have appeared in this episode with just a tiny amount of luck?

My scheduled‘Dr Robotnik! Rod Stewart!’ post will be up soon but in the meantime take 4d6 and create your own 500 songs intro! To tell the story of [A. Artist/Band], we must first explore [B. Phenomenon], and so we must go back to [C. Time] and discuss [D. Person/Thing]

Nanker Phelge! Screaming Lord Sutch! The Daz Doorstep Challenge! Lady Chatterley’s Lover! Andrew Loog Oldham has by now learnt that you can’t just rely on bumping into John Lennon and Paul McCartney when songwriters’ block hits (episode 108), but doing similar things to The Beatles still pays off …

Beyoncé! The Powerpuff Girls! Do the Funky Penguin! Salt-N-Pepa! NWA! Oasis! Futurama! Just a small sample of the names dropped into an episode on The Winstons, a band you have almost certainly never heard of, other than a small sample …

Elton John! Olivia Newton-John! The Bee Gees! Rolf Harris. Australia via Stoke-on-Trent! Jive Bunny! Bryan Adams! The Blues Magoos! Ronnie Scott! (not that one) Rod Stewart! Kraftwerk! Bob Geldof! Manchester United. The Beach Boys! Coronation Street!

Also, Marauding Jazz Fans!

Clarinets in the main podcast, flutes in the bonus. If your fans treat an album as a concept album despite your intent as an artist, is it a concept album? What if your parody gets taken completely seriously? It’s time for some Jethro Tüll!