“You got games on your phone?” “Yeah I do”

Now why did you bring your newborn to the bar?

And that’s what it’s all about

If the first openly gay contestant doesn’t win drag race that proves that RuPaul is a MAGA voting homophobe.

Help me convince my fiancé to give me a massage

I opened Facebook (hi old) and literally the first post spoiled drag race.

Guess who thought it would be cute to knock over the standing mirror at 4:40 am

Splish splash

I wonder how good the public transit is in Roku city?

Tried to convince management to let us work from home today. It did not work.

I should call him

Do we think my neck pain is caused by lugging these big arms around or hauling this big ass?

Did I piss myself during my run or is it sweat? Vote now!

Shoutout to the gay boys holding hands on the Katy trail enjoying their last day of pride

To add to the lore of my big butt I would like it to be know that it was bouncing all over the place during my run and it was very distracting.

Shadow of a man who’s a little 🏳️‍🌈

And so it begins

Sorry I didn’t mean to stare into your conference room while I was walking by. I was observing my huge 🍑 in the reflection of the glass.

Anyone else think about that song P!nk did for that one episode of spongebob where she sings about scurvy?

Ahoy matey

LA Fitness is blasting Rock Lobster this morning and it’s honesty a vibe.

Dad bod in action

Can someone please tell my bicep to stop twitching?

Hi how are ya

I just know because it’s a short week this is absolutely going to be the longest week ever.

Spent the evening sipping on a thc beverage and playing roller coaster tycoon 2 🙂‍↕️

every hometown’s got the ominous megastructure, what’s yours?

Gay

Today’s run was sponsored by Run Away With Me by Carly Rae Jepsen

A man who’s running a meeting later this morning

The claws? Big and meaty.

This body? Wumbo.

Chest was chesting

Good morning from a man with chronic neck pain attempting to do chest day

It’s edible and watch a comfort movie night

The sweat? Dripping.

“Those are the largest testicles I’ve ever seen on a cat” - a quote from our vet regarding our cat

“Is that…?” “The Abercrombie x FIFA World Cup Dallas tee? Yeah.”

Father figure

That skinny feeling after your first pee of the day

Now why is the sweat dripping from my crotch onto my legs colder than the rest of the sweat on my body?

Hope you like salty snacks

Love reviewing slide decks and discovering several typos an hour and a half before the presentation and having to chat the person who made them to have them corrected.

The horrors persist… but will I?

Twas shoulder day

Time to use a gun on myself (theragun)

There is nothing more distracting on a run than your tits bouncing all over the place

Still got it

20/10 would recommend