I can't tell if these are puppy eyes or Ehrlich terror eyes

We must remember we are working with a generation of No Child Left Behind kids. They were literally engineered to be stupid.

The only dad jokes I like are dead dad jokes because I'm gonna get something out of this relationship.

This is the best pizza in town because there are no pizza places in town, so of course, 'MY' pizza reigns supreme.

I live in a literal dream

Just told a man to go stroke with Vicks Vapor rub. I feel good.

I'm feral today

Sometimes, I don't block. I just delete the conversation thread so you know that I've silenced you.

I desperately need everyone to get a sense of humor, expeditiously

You are made of multitudes, its just that most of them are multiples of 1

Damn not our favorite little sister 😭😭😭

Fuck Bernie Sanders from the bottom of my heart. You all may have short memories, but I don't. He's a big part of why we got Trump the first time so yeah he can suck my clit.

It's too early in the morning to be talking about the difference between necromancy and necrophilia but here we are. #diddy

I remembered there was a custard apple hidden on a low branch. It's rare to get one of this ripe from the tree. Usually, the monkeys and birds have gotten to them first.

I love my Jersey accent

Hoe shit is calling my name

Gen-z has killed fandom

It looked like this for exactly 3 mins

Oooooo look at Doechii looking cunt

Sometimes I forget my girl dog is, in fact, a dog. So when she does gross dog shit, I am always shocked. Clutching my pearls and in disbelief. Like girl....what are you doing??? That's dumb boy dog shit. 🤦🏾‍♀️

People tend to blow up their lives in the best way around me. What a performance darling 💃🏾

I have done the Lord's work. The troll has blocked me.

I love it when something is so gay you have to call it out. 2 women kissing, ehhh, 2 women singing an obscure song from a musical concept album about Homer's Odyssey that never went to production??? That shits gay 🌈🌈🌈

Getting these emails and until one of them says "I've found your AO3 account" I will not be scared

The best thing being cringe is that I'm not the one cringing 💃🏾

I am an artist of the heart. I reach into your chest, wrap my hands around it, and squeeze. Now tell me what it feels like, having me pump your heart for you?

I heard someone refer to Teslas and Cybertrucks as swasticars and I will never be the same

People are going to feel targeted by the sky being blue. Talk your shit baby and dont work about them.

And this is why I talk about not touching your face until you are older because if you think 23 is your adult face you are sadly mistaken 🤷🏾‍♀️

I really want to make chocolate chip cookies tomorrow

I enjoy gaslighting trolls on Tiktok

I imagine being a god feels a little bit like being a whore.

2 things you will never get out of me. My atm pin and my favorite #ao3 tag.

The one time I wanted a beer 🍺

I have the hot kind of mommy issues.

Costa Rica is the kind of place where you run into your drug dealers at the supermarket on their way to a womb healing ceremony, and that's a special kind of amazing.

Turns out the seeds are toxic if chewed...they've been eating them all their life 🤦🏾‍♀️

Driving a Tesla is literally a 🚩🚩🚩

Someone said Drake makes “where my hug at?” music and I can’t unsee it

Just picked my first jackfruit, straight from the tree

When I was younger, the "bags" under my eye were something to hate because they made me look old. Now, I'm 36, and people are talking about surgeries and make-up techniques to enchane your aegyo-sal to make you look cute and young.

Everyone needs to watch my dog picking berries right now.

Something I realized after moving to Costa Rica is the lack of diversity of birds in the northeast. The number of unique birds I encounter from my house alone on a daily basis(more during migration season) is literally mind-blowing.

The only person allowed to break my heart is me.

A bear is so rarely the problem that when it is, it makes the news. A man is so rarely not the problem that when he isn't, it makes the news.

Intimacy is in the connection. A soft touch, a warm smile, a candle flickering in a dark room.

I am a lover in every sense of the word

Good morning

I want to look you in the eyes and say something so deeply intimate it makes you want to look away.

I got banned on TT live for a week. Villain origin story right here.