At this point in the timeline, Trump should just buy the Watergate Hotel with ill-gained money and grift.

It seems the only person who was raptured today was the escalator operator at the U.N.

Based on the physical shape most of these MAGA loonies are in — it’s going to be more ‘rupture’ than rapture

You can’t get stuck on a broken escalator you moron! It just becomes stairs! (Of course we know Trump isn’t cool enough to have ever listened to Mitch Hedberg.)

Call it overpopulation or overconsumption -- but the fact is there's too many people on the planet. So MAGA, please do your part by taking health advice from Trump, RFK Jr, Dr. Oz, the Florida Surgeon General & the rest of the quacks/conspiracy theorists... Your sacrifice will not go unnoticed!

I don't understand, if Kimmel and Colbert's ratings were so bad -- why would King Snowflake and the rest of Team Pedo need to pull them off the air?

There goes piece of shit Trump -- forcing ABC to suspend Jimmy Kimmel & putting hundreds of people out of work. Kimmel will be fine -- but the stage crew; camera operators; hair & makeup people and all the office staff are instantly without a paycheck. The "jobs President" at it again. Douche!

I guess since Americans are not allowed to travel to North Korea – – they thought it would be fun to bring North Korea to America.

Gotta love the media asking, 'Is There Any Way for America to Keep From Spiraling Into Political Violence?' When it's all coming from a deranged President who chooses division over unity at every turn & would happily start a Civil War to deflect from the fact he & his pal raped kids in the '90s

Talk about jumping to conclusions... Just because Trump is a sleazebag, womanizing, child molesting/raping piece of shit who hung out constantly w/ the world's biggest pedo -- doesn't mean he'd send his pedo pal a gross, sleazy note celebrating their rapey ways on the pedo pal's birthday. C'mon!

Well done to the Boss-level troll who convinced Trump that the way to get a Nobel Prize is to rename the military to Dept. of War and then threaten to attack Chicago. Cue En Vogue singing, "Never Gonna Get it..."

We should rename Mar-A-Lago to War-A-Nogo in honor of Admiral Bonespurs…

Mark my words — History books will show that Donald J Trump was the greatest American president ever… Russian History books.

Can't wait for Trump's surprise announcement. While we don't know what it's about -- we know what it WON'T be about. 1. He now understands how tariffs work 2. He's sanctioning Russia 3. He's releasing unredacted Epstein files 4. He's making cankles great again 5. He got into Heaven

The headline should be: Recent attempts at manifesting Trump’s death are unsuccessful…for now.

In a surprise move, Cracker Barrel will revert back to the old logo with one small change – – the old man will be sitting in a rocking chair reading the Epstein files. Trump has weighed in saying, “You know what, that new logo wasn’t so bad after all.”

Has Trump written an Executive Order declaring he be added to the Cracker Barrel logo yet?

You knew it was just a matter of time. Be best in peace Melania.

Wait, Trump is firing the Fed Member (Lisa Cook) for allegedly falsifying information to get a better mortgage rate? I'm assuming he's firing her from The Fed in order to hire her to work for The Trump Organization.

How's Trump's nighttime ride along with the DC militia going? Has DC run out of donuts and chicken fingers yet?

Nothing absolutely terrifying about Trump taking advice on how voting should work from Putin. Guess it's time to start buying stock in poisons and sidewalk cleaning supplies.

Putin admits he wouldn't have started war w/ Ukraine if Trump were President. Which tells us...what? 1. Trump is Putin's puppet (like Hillary said) 2. Trump is soft on Russia 3. Putin has dirt on Trump 4. Not much, since Trump can't stop war 5. Putin is feeding Trump ego for gain 6. They both suck

The sign stands for: Pedophile Epstein Accomplice Can’t Escape

The whole world was LAUGHING AT BIDEN and the USA until I TOOK OVER. *And now nobody is laughing at us! *Except this guy

Do we still own Alaska?

Why Trump sucks: He campaigns on a combo of awful things (mass deportations; tariffs; retribution) & utter bullshit (lower prices; ending wars; Epstein) Why MAGA sucks: They cheer on awful things (even as it hurts them) & don't care too much about the bullshit, despite being lied to Just the worst

You can't spell Nobel Peace Prize without -- 'GivE yOur Buddy PutiN EverythIng he wAnts whiLe getting ZERo in exChAngE for Poor UkrainE or the USA!"

Can Ukrainian drones reach Alaska? Asking for a fiend.

Does Pam Bondi even have a desk???

Hmm, who's going to be at the big meeting? PUTIN -- a cold-blooded killer, dictator & monster who invaded Ukraine for bullshit reasons (pst, it's a land grab) TRUMP -- a demented narcissist, Russian puppet & pedophile obsessed with winning a Nobel Peace Prize *ZELENSKY -- fighting for his country

Geez, how many cops do they have to deploy in Washington DC to catch one known pedophile?

Whatever Trump does for the next...ever. Simply write, "...to distract from his being in the Epstein Files" after it. For example, 'Today Donald Trump sent the National Guard in to patrol the streets of Washington DC... to distract from his being in the Epstein Files.'

Hey fellow Blue Skyers... I've compiled a super comprehensive list of ALL the GOLF TOURNAMENTS that President Trump has WON OUTSIDE of golf courses he PERSONALLY OWNS. This includes AMATEUR, PRO/AM and CHARITY Tournaments. Ready? Here it is... ...

Whipping unhinged people into murderous frenzies and then feeling 'deeply saddened' by the resulting violence and death. The Republican way

Yes, who wouldn't want a guy who looks like the scrotum of a 1970's male pornstar & sounds like a talking walrus giving health advice & saying the vaccine that saved millions of lives during Covid was somehow ineffective? We're gonna need some superheroes to save us from these cartoon villains!

What kind of backwards ass country claws money away from healthcare to pay for tax breaks for the richest people & companies? When any sane country would claw back tax breaks from the rich to fund healthcare for the poor, elderly, veterans, working class & the retired? This backwards ass country!

Jasmine Crockett, low IQ person. I wonder if there’s any relation to the late great Davy Crockett? Fought at the Alamo ya know. Alamo car rental. Great company. Much better than Tesler. Elon Musk smart guy, but talks too much. Can’t keep a beautiful secret. Thanks for your dementia to this matter.

I hear the only things that can survive a nuclear war are cockroaches and the Epstein Files…. Tell the Pedo in Chief

Imagine if a screenwriter came up with this idea... OK, the President is a pedo/rapist & a woman who could reveal that is in jail. His supporters want to know the details, but she won't reveal them without a pardon from the pedo-President. But if he pardons her his supporters will know it's true.

The FOUNDING FATHERS led colonies to independence, drafted & signed the Declaration of Independence & created the Constitution, establishing a self-governing republic based on checks & balances The FONDLING FATHER is a grifting, criminal traitor who betrays everything the Founding Fathers created

Biden didn't "release" Epstein information because he was busy saving the country from Trump's first reign of terror Unlike Trump, Biden isn't consumed with attacking Trump And if he did - Trump would say it was politically motivated Like MAGA would even care. Everyone knows Trump's in the files

Trump's terminology -- "Epstein stole my people. Some spa. Some not spa." Is all you need to know that: A. He is brain damaged B. He thinks employees are possessions C. He thinks young girls working for him are 'his' D. He doesn't care about the rape/trafficking E. He is unfit to be President

Has nobody ever seen a heist movie? “OK boys, every night the surveillance camera shuts down for one minute – – that’s when we’ll go in.” Good one, Bondi!

Wait, so the President who instructs ICE to go steal people (including citizens and non-criminals trying to become citizens) kicked out Epstein for "stealing" his workers. (AKA young girls he was grooming for himself at Mar-a-Lago) Got it!

I guess I've been fortunate in life. None of my friends turned out to be the world's worst child rapist; I've never told a talk show host I share 'sex' in common with my daughter; & I've never bragged on the radio about barging into the dressing room of a Teen beauty pageant. Phew! Lucky me!

I'm surprised Trump didn't name his cologne/perfume line 'BONDI' -- since she exists solely to mask his stink.

Yes!!!

I miss Ozzy already. How many awesome people have to go before...you know who?

It would be hilarious if it was revealed that Trump was also behind the MLK assassination. Don't forget, he's as much a racist as he is a rapist.

For f*ck's sake Media -- the question isn't WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT JEFFREY EPSTEIN? The question is -- WHY DID WE EVER STOP TALKING ABOUT JEFFREY EPSTEIN! And the follow-up is - how did the GOP allow the best friend & wingman for the world's most notorious pedophile take over their party?!