"Plumbing is terrible! Its always leaking or clogged, and nobody knows how to fix it! We'd all be better off without plumbing!" --If the GOP was a plumber As they actively pour concrete into the pipes and sell off copper pipes to their buddies to scrap

Russia must have a lot more assets than we think on U.S. soils. They have been planting seeds for a long time now. America is pretty much controlled by Russia, Israel and the Oligarch. Americans are just tools at this point. They are exploited and abused without even realizing it.

Hi, sorry I haven't responded to your text, video games basically don't have loading screens anymore

the idea that the "ideal beach body" just means being thin or buff is so unimaginative, surely the ideal beach body would have a powerful lobster claw, arm flaps to act as a windbreak and a sand repellent anus

Look. We need an expert to handle these thousands of children with deported parents.

"The literal meaning of life is whatever you're doing that prevents you from killing yourself."

Not to be a Halloween Scrooge but I don't like that everyone uses stencils to carve their pumpkins now. Jack-o-lanterns are supposed to be extremely unimpressive. You should have a vision in your head and then not be able to execute it. That's what Halloween is all about.

The problem is much bigger than one man, the problem is a system corrupted and infected by greed. And not just on the top, an entire society and culture exists throughout the world that worships money and power, instead of health and wellness.

If you see me in public, it is AI.

So, one CAN make emergency Supreme Court appeals on important matters of governmental power and overreach and don’t need to spend years having cases go through various levels of the system.

The “No Kings” protests weren’t just filled with powerful signs — they had some unforgettable costumes, too. A standout moment: Donald Trump, JD Vance, Kristi Noem, and Stephen Miller portrayed as convicts in shackles.

I have the worst taste in women. If I have ever liked you please work on yourself.

Might start booing people during conversations I'm not interested in

people be like "spooky season is here"... bro the entire year been terrifying

Bank account looking like everybody getting a text message for Christmas. And that's if my phone is still on.

Gordon Ramsey says "Where there's fat there's flavour". I now identify as delicious.

Someone asked if I was ready for the fall and it took me a second to realize they meant autumn and not the total collapse of society.

I feel like i got put in at the latestage of a game without understanding the tutorial and the servers being run by hackers pay to wins.

"The petty part of me would love it if Bad Bunny would cover Lee Greenwood's Proud To Be An American at the half-time show, just to watch folks head explode. Bonus petty points if he did it in Spanish."

lmao at anyone still naive enough to think the world's swing to the right dies out with the boomers. shit is just getting started

I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I'm still looking for ideas.

i got in a fight with myself.... i lost...

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous of which is, 'never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!"

My boss: so how's our fourth quarter looking? Me, the sales manager at the company that makes inflatable frog suits: well, you're never going to believe this, but

I dated a blind girl. She broke up with me. Guess who's back with a different voice.

The Qatari military facility being built on U.S. soil in Idaho is a U.S.-Qatar co-op intended for pilot training, and is not related to the $400M luxury jet, a Trump golf course deal in Qatar, a $1.5B investment tied to Jared Kushner, or previous work by Kash Patel and Pam Bondi for Qatari interests

Be best. Or else.

Sooooo demonizing the 72% who didn't vote for mush brain, get degenerative thugs hooked on large money as your army, when the 72% is destroyed, turn the army on the 28% and have total domination. Then Miller and Johnson take out Vance when mush brain strokes out, then Miller turns on Johnson.

Maybe we're all spelling it wrong. FIFA. Those soccer guys. Anti FIFA... the people who pronounce soccer like "fout ball" .... its them...

Merely a recession and not the Greatest Depression? That's optimistic thinking.

tattoos, pretty eyes, and thick thighs.

"I dont care about you, I just want your vote. I dont care," and, "Fly safely. You know why I say that? Because I'm on the flight. Otherwise I wouldn't care," are probably the most honest he's ever been. Maybe, "I love the poorly educated," and, "Smart people don't like me," too.

i hope your ex shits his pants in traffic today

My rock collection has so much sedimental value.

i'm not as mean as i could be and i want people to be more grateful for that

Congratulations, Trump supporters, you've thoroughly and completely owned the Libs-and all it's cost you is a functioning government, a working democracy, human rights, national peace, economic stability, inexpensive groceries, affordable healthcare, qualified leaders, and global standing.

If a dragon flew overhead right now, I'd be surprised but not surprised surprised

This is the only way to watch the rapist n chief

I see a lot of Democratic governors talking. I see NONE of them enforcing the laws of their states. You have masked criminals in your state, breaking your laws and all you do is talk. No really. You’re useless as tits on a bull. Your citizens are being terrorized and all you do is talk. 🤷‍♂️

This is gold

Story of my life: I knew better, but I went ahead and did it anyway.

The history of Nazis holding rallies in left-wing areas of Weimar Germany, instigating street fights, and then telling the press that only they could save Germany from the "violent communists" seems like an important thing for people to be studying right now.