About 1 in every 8192 people’s very first starter Pokemon was a shiny.

Sonic the hedgehog’s personality being based on Bill Clinton is one of the only times I’ve legitimately felt the need to fact check Wikipedia

Bark no homo

When you rip your jeans they get more holes, but when you rip fishnets they get less holes

Can I give a dog body dysmorphia by putting them in VR as a jacked furry?

You know how gay people often end up dating people that look like them? Well if you want to find yours a fast easy way is going on your barber’s instagram and looking through their followers and flirting with them.

Crazy how Tentacles can fit into every fantasy genre.

Instead of hearing protection I’ve starting opening a settings menu in my head and turning down the master volume slider as a placebo

If I put activated charcoal into holy water will it become normal water?

I could be your next skincare routine

Waking up as a giant insect nowadays just doesn’t hit like it used to back in 1915. “oh no I hope I am not neglected by society in my new grotesque bo-.” Yeah shut up and get in the fake taxi.

They really need to invent more deadly sins, I tried them all already

I ate the Reaper from Dave’s hot after Steamworks before realizing I couldn’t drink milk without it interfering with my Doxypep. Do I drink the milk? Do I choose burning when I poo or do I choose burning when I pee?

How do I tip a circumcised guy at the strip club? Like where do I tuck the dollar bills

god you’re so mentally ill *starts fondling your balls*

Hemorrhoids are like the clitoris of the bussy if the clitoris got Botox

I’m going to dethrone coffee mate as America’s #1 creamer

Gonna start one of those dine-in movies where they serve you the food in the movie as it comes on screen, but it’s porn and you get to lick the actors.

Call me the US Patriot Act the way your Bush has got me putting on a show at TSA

Getting caged is like the opposite of getting fixed.

“A Bear?” Me: puts on my baseball cap, cumming instantly “Kugel the Bear!”

I found a new lighting hack. Body dysmorphia cancelled

Call me Moses the way I’m fixated on your hot bush

Damn daddy are you Italy in the 1940s 😏 because you have no concept of boundaries

Considering changing career paths to pipette manufacturing so I can make good tips

Apparently “you’d be really hot if you lost 30 pounds” is NOT the right thing to say while findomming a British dude

Happy pride month. Trynna channel my inner fairy. But not like 🧚‍♀️🌸✨no I’m talking about these kinda fairies:

I keep looking stuff up about how to grow more body hair and Instagram has responded by giving me constant hair removal ads. The beckoning of twinkdom taunts me. If I see one more laser hair removal on my for you page I’m going to shave Mark Zuckerberg

Do I actually like to top or do I just enjoy the cardio

Looking for big booty boys with anterior pelvic tilt 😍 If you’re not giving Velociraptor or Chronic back pain in your early 40s you’re not my mans

I don’t really get why cars are the only things made as hybrids. Like if my phone runs out of battery, just let it run on fossil fuels. I should not need an outlet and a charger if I’m right next to a gas station 😤

The sexual tension between you and someone who just got interrupted but you looked at them and continued listening to what they’re saying

Sometimes when I do too much skincare I look in the mirror and I’m like fuck am I ai generated?

Can you buy flavored lube with food stamps? Asking for a friend

Are you an anti derivative? Because I want you to be in the area under my curves

Why is it kind of hot thinking about when micro plastics pass through my blood brain barrier. 😵‍💫🥴 Daddy Michelin himbofy me with that tire particulate matter 😩

Gonna start asking people if they’re controller or peripheral instead of dom or sub to be more PC

Monopoly pieces are just a list of fetishes. I will not elaborate.

Hey bb are you roygbiv? Because you light up my life. Also you’re on the spectrum.