Third Eye Jack
@birdboyzimm.bsky.social
📤 46
📥 67
📝 109
phlegmatic and armed to the teeth
pinned post!
I wish to be the object of gazing and pondering. The muse of numbskulls and halfwits. A beautiful drooling Venus.
about 1 year ago
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Doctor shoved a pinky in my brain folds and forced me to say “John Lennon was a redditor.”
7 days ago
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Pulled up steaming with the local holy rollers. We are rocking haymakers into the weeping darkness and leaving with ten-hour miracle boners
20 days ago
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There’s only two rules of engagement: 1. All sales are final 2. The bitch-made get throttled Everything else is phlegm!!
27 days ago
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The archangels blew a half dollar sized hole through my chest. Seraphs got the back alley bolt action rifles and they mean business.
28 days ago
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I’ve run bitches off the freeway for less than a farthing. And that’s not even when I’m bleeding out my ass.
29 days ago
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Some cockeyed papist with double wide jeans interrupted my tai chi seminar. We’re gonna smoke his whole district
about 1 month ago
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Enrico fermi asked “where’s all the grey alien pussy??” and they gave him a Nobel prize. I’m making similar quips at the HOA meeting and getting hexed to the gills for it
about 1 month ago
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Pole vaulting over a group of freelance sauna jockeys at the aeroponics expo. They sweat moonshine
about 1 month ago
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I’m at BBL McDonalds
about 1 month ago
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Getting jiggy at the bank. The teller is espousing Virtues but I can’t hear him over my squeaking reeboks
about 2 months ago
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I’ve teamed up with Hinge to send four strapping corsairs to their watery grave
about 2 months ago
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NYT editors are cranking keys like they’re playing the fugue. Meanwhile, I’m smacking my ass and calling it Sunday Morning. . Holler for more.
about 2 months ago
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Three year hiatus for the sake of the skuzz. This is the saeculo saeculorum
about 2 months ago
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14 pantsuit baddies in my situation room watching a Frame by Frame breakdown of my Norwood 4
about 2 months ago
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Boston dynamics robot howling with his arm halfway up the shitter. He doesn’t know what I know.
10 months ago
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The pope of evolutionary psychology dispensed all my sins because 14 million years ago a pterodactyl stole my girlfriend.
11 months ago
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Toy Story 8: Skuzz Lightyear gets fucking drafted. He was mama’s own blue eyed baby boy.
12 months ago
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Workplace copier is asking me to rate my experience of shredding my own nuts
12 months ago
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The local QT roller grill is a UNESCO world heritage site
about 1 year ago
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“Mirth is king” how about you inspect my jungle of ass hair
about 1 year ago
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Fingering my belly button down the knuckle. Passive income has opened many doors for me.
about 1 year ago
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Training my millipede armada to fetch coins and other sundries
about 1 year ago
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I can obliterate a four door sedan with my male gaze
about 1 year ago
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Landlord made me lick a lithium ion battery for the jollies of his accursed matron. The jolt gave me a vision of Harpocrates.
about 1 year ago
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Jacked Orson Welles showed me his big blue bicep vein and I thought he was me Holy Guardian Angel
about 1 year ago
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Using my Make-a-Wish on a Tinder Gold subscription
about 1 year ago
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Well if I’m so “noble” and “upstanding” how come I’m suckn slime on the regular?
about 1 year ago
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I used to be the so called “king of Cincinnati,” now I’m spending my Saturdays getting MK ultra’d
about 1 year ago
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Shopping at the boutique, but my eunuch wants for nothing! How droll…..
about 1 year ago
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Red in the face and hopping mad. Saw some shit that said “jingle THESE silver bells.” My wife would never do that.
about 1 year ago
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Playing ball with the feds to get them to show a little skin
about 1 year ago
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My raucous Nan used to throw empty beer bottles at me. For my money mindset.
about 1 year ago
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Sneezing into the Zoom mic. Rattling cabinets across the east coast
about 1 year ago
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Key & Peele haven’t been the same since Tienanmen Square
about 1 year ago
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You will never be as handsome as the guys on my adult diaper box
about 1 year ago
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I’d get flogged and trampled before I let anyone know my cup size. That information is not productive to our quarterly goals.
about 1 year ago
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The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen was named “Bath Salts Betty.” Her fiancé kicked me in the pants but I still love her
about 1 year ago
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Casting bones and foretelling auguries to make sure no one ever calls me “Ozempic chic”
about 1 year ago
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Airing out my psoriasis in the locker room, I’ve got espionage on the brain…
about 1 year ago
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There’s a flock of friendly perverts at Barnes and Noble today
about 1 year ago
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At odds with the farmers market. They’ve given themselves to hedonism
about 1 year ago
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Parental lock on the juul. Taking rips like it was Morse code.
about 1 year ago
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Year3000: Historians will see the abnormally wide hips of your charred, irradiated skeleton and say “mommy”
about 1 year ago
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The only shit that's "guaranteed to get me laid" is my confounding bone structure and bold misrepresentation of the facts.
about 1 year ago
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"Oliver Cromwell Owes Me Fifty Dollars!": 15 Tips & Tricks for the Self-Made Entrepreneur
about 1 year ago
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Tick tock, pretzel boy. These buttery rounds ain’t gonna salt themselves.
about 1 year ago
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would you say that pwnage plays a major role in your life?
about 1 year ago
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The shit I'm driving is like the conestoga wagon of golf carts
about 1 year ago
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I scanned a QR code and I achieved illumination
about 1 year ago
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NSFW: four little loathsome letters that can lead to big savings this holiday season
about 1 year ago
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