Elon: “Trump is in the Epstein files” Epstein files: “is Elon still coming over?” Elon: “yes well nevertheless”

Democrats get banned and fund raising is criminalized. Military occupies major cities and raids Democratic Party HQs. I receive a text on my phone: This is Hakeem Jeffries, I’m texting you today to help me defend our most important freedom, the freedom to raise money for the Democratic Party

An AI summary of Where the Red Fern Grows won’t make you ugly cry so hard in front of your 5th grade class that you get sent to the nurse

My beloved child talked me into buying a box of 12 ice cream sandwiches. He could potentially have 3 of those before they are depleted.

I bet she can’t even make a strudel

“Commit messages should be clear, imperative descriptions of the changes” Me:

ChatGPT you are Isaac Chotiner, interview me about my work in technology and how I reconcile that with my politics

Right wing terrorist attacks down 200%, unrelated HSI builds new kiddie black site in El Salvador

So you know how there are those keychains with names you can buy and if you have a slightly less common name you always go through and see if your name is in there? I’m pitching a business selling bullets with pre-inscribed memes on the shell casings so look for your favorites at your local gun shop

The sci-fi authors that these techno-fascists pretend to base their ethos on giving them the middle finger will never get old

Democrats finally getting serious about fighting fascism the only way they know how, more fund raising texts! But seriously I have gotten like 20 today

Oh cool we are at the final military consolidation phase of authoritarian capture

Dude with a giant pile of money: “Honestly, it’s not even about the money”

Book tours are a mixed bag: sometimes you get a Sunstein, sometimes you get a Harris

I can’t stand this loser

Would be funny if the rapture day was when a bunch of normies (congratulatory) decided that the administration was actually fascist

Going to build the reply guy rankings tomorrow

Not the hero we wanted but the hero we deserved

Ok watched Kimmel with a bowl of buldak ramen so I would feel something.

Baby say that line about the dragon again

Bipartisan ratfuck is my gwar cover band

This really is the platform where resist libs and trans femmes hash it out

I’m a blueskyist I guess. Also come on y’all, muller she wrote?

If jimmy kimmel doesn’t use his monologue to get immediately fired again fuck that guy

Not a source, not sure if it’s true but definitely might not be. I’m embarrassed for you if you are quoting an LLM like this

Working on my new book “Scarcity” that is about how establishment libs can only crib ideas from VCs they party with and don’t actually have anything to offer because they can’t stand Americans

This shit needs UN intervention

If not bad guys why bad guy shaped?

Still thinking about defunding the police

Love the pics they chose here. Got Altman looking like a goblin and Huang looking like he’s disgusted by some goblin

Will I get fired for posting this pic?

In 2003 I was literally spit on for opposing the Iraq war. Everyone was pro war. But now evidently all those people don’t recall having ever supported the war. That’s what it will be like on the other side

Followed then immediately muted @iss-piss-tracker.bsky.social — to be clear the warning is on the label

We have unleashed our absolute worst against Afghanistan and had to bail with our tail between our legs. Don’t think these guys are going to be cowed Donnie.

Well we’ve got him now! Wait, let’s see what he does if Trump is actually elected

Just got the Hakeem Jeffries fund raising and endorsement email for Angie Craig and lol

Autocorrect used to be better

The Joe Rogan of the Left: what if we just ran republicans and called them Democrats?

Exquisite double rainbow in Minneapolis

I have noticed autocorrect getting more aggressive and incorrect and have been thinking I should just turn it off and accept my errors, but you probably can’t turn it off anymore. Also it doesn’t have to be this way! We could have nice things, we just have to change the entire economic model

Minnesota has one good senator and she is Tina Smith.

Before the end of the year ChatGPT is going to SWAT someone. Me: “ChatGPT how to I kill this process and all corresponding child processes?” ChatGPT: “I have contacted the authorities”

If someone has a different threat model than you that’s actually fine and you should try and be cool about it

The vicarious embarrassment I feel right now

All well and good until they cull the eligible population* *This is a joke about the prevailing doom and you should absolutely lie to get your booster

Not like the FBI has ever just gunned down anyone talking resistance in their home … what’s that? Last name Hampton? Not familiar…. Anyway as I was saying, totally invite federal law enforcement to your home

Can never let my kid see this because he would forever be disappointed in his dada’s inability to recreate this scene with him

JDVance: the data is clear… Me, interrupting: the data are clear

This seems really bad. Going to need Ezra Klein, Matt Yglesias, and Nate Silver to collectively tell me that this is fine actually so I can stop paying attention again

Jump scaring libs by whispering “material conditions” in their replies