hey little girlie is your doggy home, i would like to throw him this nice bone

swedish fish for my real friends and real fish for my swedish friends

TIL the members of metallica sleep in one big bed, facing each other in two pairs like the grandparent Buckets

have a fuck me suck me christmas

uh oh, baby has three legs? not to worry: thriapers

thankful for my linkedin community

if you didn't know about apple watches you'd probably think some people just had to stare awhile and concentrate really really hard to tell time

was rooting for ryan lizza until it turned out he had that nuzzi tattoo. i know he covered it up, but still

trying to get so old i die, but really really quick in a hurry

we should be free to speak openly about the dry conditions facing our skin and scalps, but government censors think it's gross/tmi

i like advertising because i like when beautiful people have their problems solved, especially if i don't have to help

couldn't remember which guy was which and accidentally rented the dvd of "mary shelley's frankenstein" directed by brett kavanaugh

writing a doppelganger prequel about all the people who thought women should be artists but not professionals and misaddressed their angry correspondence responses to three guineas to an unrelated woman named virginia klein in 1938

hoping to get told to shut the fuck up

i often find that the best first step to take in programming is wondering, "how do i make a program"

lobbying the national institute of health to make mr beast's trial protocols subject to approval by an institutional review board

making improvy "yes and" shit part of my approach to life but misunderstanding and saying it in a snappy bitchy way like "yes and??"

i wish i could find a reliable source for sports-related content online

if you really want to handle a lot of poop, pick up poop, handle it in public, etc. one lifehack is if you get a dog no one thinks you're being weird or chases you away anymore

if you fart in california it doesnt smell better or worse, just more important

just saw a heavily tattooed blind man

on the instagram app, you can watch skiing footage all year round

seeking a more permanent temporary oblivion

instagram is the app of choice for people who want to see user generated pictures and certain short video clips

i'm so angry about the recent news

i like to go on linkedin in my free time and comment on the graphs and charts that my network shares

if england had discovered bigfoot he would be named "metre"

i can't believe the updated moderna booster's side effects include being dehydrated, day drunk, and in possession of $150 jeans i didn't need

california jones and the temple of wellness

i like pretending joggers are just really late for something important

(jesus filling out dating profile) hmm i guess acts of service could include foot worship

it's kind of funny that straight men's fashion being derived from gay men's fashion means the mustache made a round trip from the province of guys who like the cops through subversive queer cultural use and back to guys who like the cops in like five years

wiiiiiiiild horseeeessss can do what-eh-verrr they waaaant

alien: another alien (2026)—in space, someone finally met a second, different kind of alien

man FUCK being sleepy. waste of time. stupid

i wish harry potter was dead

getting a vineyard vines neck tattoo at the chatham electric tattoo company

just got the okay from NEASA pr. excited to finally confirm that i will be one of the next crewmembers aboard the Greater Boston Regional Space Station

i either need to leave this bar or figure out how to block reverb on my phone

filtering psychologytoday therapist search results by the "depression" and "1br apartment guitar storage crises" specialties

gonna drive my car through the desert til anton chirgurh pulls me over

why am i getting tinder ads for a free psychiatrist consultation

i can't believe you don't like that movie, wow

any hardware company can become a software company if you tenderize the machines sufficiently

any hardware company can become a software company if you tenderize the machines sufficiently

i don't want to play music ever again but i do want to buy a surf green jazzmaster

whoah yeah alright scopolamine me baby make me dance all night

going to the gym has really made a difference. it's so much better to be annoyed about getting hit on at the bar while i'm trying to read than it was to be annoyed about not getting hit on at the bar while i'm trying to read

waiting in line to vote holding a water bottle with a @metaltxt.bsky.social "i listen to japanese harsh noise and i'm not registered to vote" sticker on it