a nyc bankruptcy judge watching "john wick: chapter ten," sweating buckets, hoping he gets a sustainable source of income by the end of the film

everyone's mad i made something delicious for dinner, or else i misunderstood how drunk you're supposed to get while making something delicious for dinner

i've been carefully weighing the decision, and i think i'm going to get younger

after the turning point halftime show, the losing team starts winning

(2 chainz voice) he got a bad bunny so they call him bad bunny

driving out to Two Masseuses, North Dakota

(day one of alchemist school) okay class let's start simple, today we'll be making goat cheese out of sheeps milk

the ikea SHEVEK lets you send faster-than-light "hej"s to sweden, but reviews say the holum tree particleboard quickly turns to Dust

festively determined to think the least racist possible thoughts all day

my new defensetech startup sells an ai platform purpose-built for nuclear weapon launch detection and retaliation. the hallucination rates are low but we're working on it

(2 chainz voice) he got a bad bunny so they call him bad bunny

scooby and the gang only incorporated Mystery Inc. so they could retain an insane amount of lawyers to keep them out of prison for doing their serial break-ins

all my uncs gone

kill the unc inside your head

knaaaauuuuuuusu

i love moving apartments without moving cities because you get to spend a ton of money like a high roller except your life stays basically exactly the same

the same resolution we make every new year's eve, pinky—fuck, marry, kill

its fucked up peter jackson made gollum look so much like a human man when he's just supposed to be british

just because the holidays are over doesn't mean you can't still have sex with santa claus, that guy's always down to get his stocking stuffed if you know what i mean

nothing is more strongly correlated with the idea that clothing's brand makes it Fashion than insistence that the talking heads are revelatory

fuck you christmas, you're done. get out

but do you recall, the most heinous offenses of all? 🎶 special the victims unit 🎵

mid-70s rankin/bass rudolph movie where they rescue a freezing victor frankenstein from hypothermia in the arctic wastes

santa claus is actually a bigfoot but mrs claus is human, just a size queen

as william gibson once observed, "canada's here, it's just not evenly distributed"

frothy the load man was a man made out of cum

Deported to CES

frosty the snowman was, unfortunately, Racist

ho, ho, the mistletoe hung, as you can see that's something we have in common, mistletoe and me

no artist has dedicated their life more completely to envisioning scenarios in which using the computer requires someone to employ a texas catheter than @greatdismal.bsky.social has

the peripheral is technically a christmas novel

hey little girlie is your doggy home, i would like to throw him this nice bone

swedish fish for my real friends and real fish for my swedish friends

TIL the members of metallica sleep in one big bed, facing each other in two pairs like the grandparent Buckets

have a fuck me suck me christmas

uh oh, baby has three legs? not to worry: thriapers

thankful for my linkedin community

if you didn't know about apple watches you'd probably think some people just had to stare awhile and concentrate really really hard to tell time

was rooting for ryan lizza until it turned out he had that nuzzi tattoo. i know he covered it up, but still

trying to get so old i die, but really really quick in a hurry

we should be free to speak openly about the dry conditions facing our skin and scalps, but government censors think it's gross/tmi

i like advertising because i like when beautiful people have their problems solved, especially if i don't have to help

couldn't remember which guy was which and accidentally rented the dvd of "mary shelley's frankenstein" directed by brett kavanaugh

writing a doppelganger prequel about all the people who thought women should be artists but not professionals and misaddressed their angry correspondence responses to three guineas to an unrelated woman named virginia klein in 1938

hoping to get told to shut the fuck up

i often find that the best first step to take in programming is wondering, "how do i make a program"

lobbying the national institute of health to make mr beast's trial protocols subject to approval by an institutional review board

making improvy "yes and" shit part of my approach to life but misunderstanding and saying it in a snappy bitchy way like "yes and??"

i wish i could find a reliable source for sports-related content online