Jimothy huh?

If only there were an app devoted to promoting the Odyssey and complaining about one day's Wordle

I got that prickly feeling right before Chuck Schumer asks me to do something about Trump

Someone pronounced gobbledygook "gobb-dooly-goosh" so not everything is terrible!

Total Eclipse of the Heart could have been an extremely middling Aerosmith song

The only person in this entire world who is funnier than Tom Cruise is Alejandro G. Iñárritu. A comedy where they work together? Holy shit. I'm not ready. I'm simply not ready.

This is a late pitch, I know, but if triangles were called "trangles" you'd still get the point and it'd have a better mouth feel.

If you're looking for something nice to say about the man it's that he made millions of people happy. By dying.

Is my book (link in pinned tweet) available in canada? Let me know if you are in canada and can or can't buy it. By buying it preferably but whatever

If you told me when I was young that someday I'd wake up wondering what's up in Maine and Kentucky, I'd have said something cool and withering because I'm gen x, son!

The show was called The Brady Bunch because "Brady" rhymed with "lady" so the theme song would work.

"I can't operate on him. He's Mitch McConnell." When it turns out the doctor was a person

Nobody's talking about the fact that the hospital Mitch McConnell's been in died three weeks ago.

Did anyone have a dream last night that they were doing a buggy update on the simulation to make our thinking duller and slower? Worse, did everyone have that dream?

Weird that taste is subjective but peach is the best ice cream flavor.

If these documentaries are to be believed, Martin Short is more fun to hang out with than Lorne Michaels.

You know how many dancers die every year rehearsing a number honoring the most relevant song from 1941? Tens of thousands.

Are they called bots because you pay for them? Each one of them is *bought*? Is this something everyone already knew?

Wishing Mel Brooks a happy birthday by posting a picture of Mel Brooks feels like an in memoriam. Like. Hours later. Unshakably it feels that way.

England people sound so smart until they post "good morning" at night time like friggin' idiots.

If you're like "they could never make that movie today," eat candied shit. 99% of what gets made today is stuff that already was. They're probably making it right now. They probably made it as a ten part series and then didn't tell anyone. Stephen Root is probably in it.

They should divide the news up into, like, sections. So you could have a part in the back devoted to Reflecting Pool stuff, while the front part - like the top page - could be really important stuff. Epstein files, daily corruption, war. And the rest in between based on importance.

Die a hero or live long enough to get a colonoscopy.

Oh no! Dead baby ducks at the reflecting pool! Someone ought to do something! Maybe get those Epstein files out and start holding people accountable? I dunno. Just spitballing.

There's a comic called Absolutely Batman and it's not a musical? Come on!

What happens to the letters now? Something bad I hope

First the files, now the Kennedy Center. What'll he get his name removed from next?

I got a shacket! Which is to say I shit my jacket

Remember Rocket Video? Rocket Video was cool.

Release files, stop warring, and - wait. The pool will be bigger than a skyscraper you say??? Do whatever you like, sir!

I voted. But I guess it didn't work

I'm starting to think Trump wasn't paying attention when Ringo Starr said "peace and love."

Yucking yums is bad. We all know that. But telling people bad shows are good is also bad. Please only like good shows moving forward thank you bye

THREAD!

What do you think the best two Meatloaf songs are?

Rooting for some rattlesnakes!

You're telling me Lewis Pullman isn't Wyatt Russell? Now who's naive?

When the rabbit of Seville put whipped cream then veggies then fruit then more whipped cream on Elmer Fudd's head, what the fuck was that? Was that a salad from back then? There were whole unpeeled bananas and oranges in there. What did salad used to be?

I found this line in a notes file: He banana peeled so hard his halo fell off. Is this from something or did I make it up? If the latter, why?

What do you call burrata when you forget what it's called? Mozzarella deluxe?

I also never touched Jay Leno's Tonight Show money. Where's my fucking parade?

Did anyone ever see Clue without all the endings? No, right? It was some marketing bullshit, right?

Greenland 2? What's next? Greenland 3?

It's absolutely bananas that Jim Carrey was never in a remake of All of Me.

If your problem with TV was "not enough headphones," I guess podcasts are for you.

Drove between a Tesla truck and a Waymo and experienced road despair

An epidemiologist I follow: (and here's why not to panic about the hantavirus) Me: *stays calm* Trump: there's nothing to worry about. Me: *panics to death*

That email could have been a DM.

This is not how pendulums work

Lauren's reporting live from the Met Gala!