"History is written by the winners" was written by the losers.

Phoebe Dinsmoor: I *thought* I *saw* a *pussycat* (Originally tweeted in 1952 to rave reviews)

A zombie comedy called Eat the Rich where they only go after E listers. (we're calling people in the files E listers, right?)

Not looking forward to when the Super Bowl fan base scours the Super Bowl for clues that there will be another Super Bowl dropping in a few weeks to reveal what really happened.

The song Piano Man is so fake. Everyone I know named Paul is married.

My grandpa used to tell me stories about how you'd dress up in your finest suit to attend a Super Bowl party. Every time your team scored, you'd smoke a cigarette from their state

Revisiting the Richard Stark Parker novels. I think Flashfire is my favorite so far. An unusual double cross, a series of small heists, organic twists, smart citizens, elegant capers, Parker fighting hurt. Orchestral pulp.

Kid Rock closing for two years for renovations

Once again hoping the White House hr department will do what nobody else has been able to

Hey movies- I'm all good on knowing about Kennedys

Feels like our representatives are waiting for us to impeach Trump.

Googled where to watch A Mighty Wind. A link took me to Netflix. Netflix said "WE DO NOT CARRY IT BUT DO YOU WANT TO WATCH LICORICE PIZZA RIGHT NOW?" which is as 2026 as it gets.

No more fucking grampas in government!

onward and sameward

So I guess Aranofsky is in the Epstein files

At a certain point, the only way to raise the stakes to keep us distracted from the Epstein files would be releasing the Epstein files

If you're a nail polish person, the MN-based small polish maker Atomic Polish is selling Ice Out, and 100% of the proceeds of it are going to the Immigrant Rapid Response Fund

On top of everything else going on "comptroller" is pronounced "controller."

Fuck ICE, sure, absolutely. Also though, fuck up ICE. Fuck em up, y'all.

It'd be funny if Mamdani got Greenland just for New York

So excited for @joshgondelman.bsky.social to do a mess of blow with the Taskmaster guys!

That email could have been an intrusive thought

At this point, saying "saying the quiet part out loud" out loud might not be enough

Evel Knievel? I wonder if she means Old Ben Knievel

Remember last year when people were completely sure that the rapture was coming? Remember this year when people were completely sure another episode of Stranger Things was coming? What's uh... what's up?

When I was a kid, you couldn't say "butt" on tv. Now you can betray your country and its ideals as president on it!

The shithole country is the country you made a shithole along the way

Remember when the biggest problem in our country was Hamilton was too good?

Instead of Auld Lang Syne, sing Her Majesty. It's way better

My back hurts. Either I tweaked it at the gym racking up colossal gains or else I slept wrong for a minute there the other night

These Democrats are eating four dimensional hard candies.

"I aced the cognitive test" says the guy who was the collective cognitive test we did not manage to ace

At what age do you stop telling your dog "good boy" and start telling him "good man?"

MY BRAIN: I know you're asleep right now but with the elements they built in the first season of Stranger Things, the story could have been (goes into extreme detail) ME: What? That's all great stuff, but why are you telling it to me? MY BRAIN: I don't know! Wake up. Write it down. ME: Fine.

Would not watch Chris Pratt as Detective Christopher Raven, framed for a crime he didn't commit trying to clear his name lest he face AI justice. But would watch Andy Dwyer do all of that.

Grinches get stinches

Once you realize that every group of chipmunks has a sociopath, a people pleaser and a glasses one, you wonder what Chip and Dale did to the glasses one

No offense but stop raining

If 60 Minutes doesn't do a story about what happened on the last episode of 60 Minutes in their next episode of 60 Minutes, they're missing a trick.

Grocer: Which kind of chicken do you want? Skin on, bone in or skin off boneless? Customer: Can I get skin on with the bone out? Chicken scientists: Sorry that's impossible!

If Marc Evan Jackson isn't playing Brainiac in the James Gunniverse, then the James Gunniverse is unserious.

@marthakelly.bsky.social the tiktoks where people lip sync to the backing vocal of the Chipmunks cover of "Bad Day" are goddamn delightful

EVERYONE: There's too much traffic! SOMEONE: Let's add a bunch more cars driving around without anyone in them! EVERYONE: Um... but... SOMEONE: It's decided then! More cars! Empty ones! Woooooooo!!! Yeah!

Hey watch this comedy special and stick around for the credits if you want

Has the Salvation Army tried it where they don't ring a bell? I bet they'd do a lot better

If the arc of history bends towards justice, it's funny. If it breaks, it's not funny

The other week, after I prayed to a god I don't believe in for the ego death of a stranger, the stranger bought me a pancake. It was a great pancake.

Christmas is my favorite Die Hard holiday. Has anyone done that one yet? Did I win?

Emma Mackey is Ella McCay. George Clooney is Jay Kelly. Soon every actor that can open a movie will play a titular character called what my mom thinks their name is

Just watched the strangest loveliest movie ever, after which I asked an actor and phenomenal writer/director how it could possibly be real and then of course I woke up and cursed loudly because of course it wasn’t