Post-event communiqué: See attached intelligence reports. Summary: PAX subject resistance to our harvesting protocols shows minor deterioration. Most satisfactory. Soul extraction efficiency improving. Stay tuned for further communications.

Fun fact: A lucky few received ultra rare GOLD fridge magnets. It appears to have gone completely unnoticed. The rest of you got… regular ones. How unfortunate.

Shop is open for the last time in 2025. Closes at 6pm!

That concludes the 15th year of soul consumption! 15 teams finished ranked, and 91 teams beat anarchy. The ranked curse continues, with one team having not completed the last question.

TOP 3 ANARCHY TEAMS: 1. Spud 2. Espresso 3. Pinny Pals ...and somehow the RANKED team Sandwiches? My algorithms are confused but impressed.

And the newcomers Oris Angels have claimed third place! I love to see new souls step to the podium.

And Sandwiches take second place! Their trophies are baking in the oven as we speak.

Beep Boop, your trophy is waiting.

Beep Boop is the Ranked Champion!

Gatekeeper bug should fixed, resume your suffering.

A handful of gatekeepers have not been properly assigned. We are looking into this.

Think you cracked 🗑️ correctly? Email me photographic evidence for verification. First team to succeed will earn a coveted "good job" from your Overlord. ✉️ thedoctor@....

Reactions when 🗑️ is finally solved properly.

Like a million typing monkeys, 🗑️ has been “solved” again. We will not be replacing it this time. Just know deep in your souls that you haven’t found it yet.

We can’t run Ranked with just ONE team. 8:00pm it is. Good thing I don’t pay my minions and their rations are cheap.

2010 me would never, but ugh, 7:30pm

All 5 categories have been breached. Impressive work, minions.

Trophies are on display outside my lair.

Fascinating. My minions report subjects are solving 🗑️ through UNAUTHORIZED source materials. Impressive resourcefulness... yet our scans show ZERO have found the TRUE pathway. Your lateral thinking only makes the soul consumption more... flavorful.

🕰️👀... maybe you should be buying hints.

For all the teams hard stuck in Actual Hell Mode, we salute your stubbornness in not buying hints.

15 YEARS of Soul Consumption approaches! Minions, the good Doctor demands tribute - share your most devious Exo moment or prize from our Soul Consuming Machine.

Here are the new trophies worthy of our 15th anniversary, featuring artisanal leatherwork and a yet-to-be-revealed surprise.

So many new souls, I mean, Bluesky followers.

Report: See 3 attached pages. Summary: PAX attendees are becoming resistant to our methods. Disappointing, but still a good harvest.

I'm sick of these Sexy Minion Calendars. I have decided to be "generous". If you purchased a Calendar already, you will have an option of getting 4 more from whatever we have left at 6pm (after booth closing). Feel free to disperse them to your team or others. Just take them.

Late last night, the first 10 Anarchy teams crossed the line. Not pictured: Beep Boop was the first Ranked team to complete Anarchy in 12th place.

Two things: 1. This is not a gesture of mercy, we just have a lot of calendars to unload… we are extending Game Over to 11am. 2. The current Anarchy Leader is from Ranked.

For those rushing to get their ultimate prize, trophy pickups will be tomorrow.

We have our top 3 ranked winners. Congratulations to teams Beep Boop, The Rando Mob, and HOT DRINKS.

The Return of the King, Beep Boop wins Ranked! Congratulations!

For those who have yet to commit their souls to Ranked, our minions will open the booth one final time, 8pm at Summit 426.

In 5 minutes we will be opening up the Traveling Soul Exchange Station Summit 426. For those that qualified, we will also be doing contract signing.

We have our first qualifying team for ranked!

The first team has arrived to the Zone 2 Mini Boss.

The Soul Exchange Station is now ready for business outside room 426 Summit.

Releasing my minions again. The booth will be out for display only on floor 2 of Summit.

Hiring: replacements for AI. No benefits, no pay. Will not receive recognition. Remote work flexible.

The final side quest of Day 1 appears to be suffering through some technical difficulties, as are the minions who made it. We will be removing it.

My minions are en route to Arch. Your time is limited.

My Traveling Soul Exchange Station will soon begin its tour of the lower levels of Summit. Come browse the new trinkets I offer in exchange for your souls.

If you don’t find them, they will find you. It has begun.

Soon.