Workout complete Time to put stuff in my butt

WE WANT LIGHT GET OVER NIGHTMARES

Potion of regret.

Drinking a pre-workout concoction so heinous I can only refer to it as "feel bad later juice"

Shoo shoo gainz goblin 😤 SHOO SHOO CUM GOBLIN 😤😤😤

The hot people in my life are trying to ruin my workout by forcing me to cum 😭

Lifting for Algernon

Slightly sandy and very randy ❤️- @smileythepup.bsky.social

At the gym now With every rep I can feel my personality fading Soon I will forget how to play instruments and stop caring about anime and tabletop games The sacrifices we make 😭

Apparently Discourse™ is happening at the bad place.

So the TSA thought my douche was a bomb

Can't wait for sweaty balls weather

Is it a safe time to admit that Mojo Jojo was kinda cunty (good)?

"Chicago" by Michael Jackson is such a wild song. He's literally like "bro I can't believe she was cheating on you with me. That's fucked up. Y'all have a family this chick is wild. You good bro? Want a smoothie? We should be friends. Fuck her tho."

Shouts out to chodes 🔥🙏🏾

Sometimes, memories are all you have left of someone you love. I want to remember them always, and I’m sure you do too. Donate today to the Alzheimer’s Association and preserve our most prized possession: our memories. Donation link is below ❤️ thank you

Thought I was losing my mind but no, apparently this playlist just has a random rap song that is in German.

4 hours of sleep and Im just gonna keep going downhill until I get a nap

I'm kinda sad that I don't currently have a lady friend with a pet python. That is not a metaphor I literally mean a large constricting snake. Snakes are cool and some of them have lil mouths that go :3 and they're so neat and I want to hold them.

There's a guy at my gym being pretty flirty but in the "trying to figure out if I'm gay" sort of way and honestly I kinda wanna see how long it takes for him to just ask

Your Neopets probably miss you

Demolition started on the next phase of my home renovation today and I started by punching a hole through the wall, because I've always wanted to.

Wearing a kilt is all fine and dandy until you need to potty

I need to be the weirdest guy at my office. It has to be me. I need to be the line.

Pusha T and Malice can really turn literally any words into a euphemism for selling drugs and honestly that should be studied

Why the fuck did I sign up to Lowe's under my scene name lol wtf

Please remember, the future is not set in stone. We can turn things around, but it takes effort. Contact your reps, get involved in local orgs, do what you can.

This would not fix me but it would make me worse in a way that I think we all agree would be interesting

Have they invented weed that doesn't give you the munchies yet

I feel like there are only 4 types of mustache dudes

I need to go hiking more Or, like At all

@emmettfrost.bsky.social got me crying in the gym listening to Pokemon music ffs

This week has been so fucking long already

Me, seeing several things that would indicate that the car I am attempting to enter is not my car: "wow, my car looks weird for some unknowable reason"

Ab crunch machine is an arm exercise apparently??? Alt post text: I want to correct this person but also don't want to give the 5 minute "I'm not hitting on you" intro

he's so smug :3

Should've gotten into marketing so I could do drugs and have bad ideas publicly

Today I remembered that UTIs existed BEFORE I dipped my dick in dessert wine. I'm learning 😭

falco

Push Day pump with @smileythepup.bsky.social and @jino.dog So much beef contained in such a small space! Also they're both jacked as hell and are amazing motivation 💪

What is the secret of Kewpie mayo Where do the kewps come from

Feel me?

Why the fuck would anyone want to watch an action movie that ISN'T homoerotic??

I wish to transfer some of the unlimited healing factor of my nipples into my back instead.

The muses from Hercules were such a vibe. I could do anything if they were singing while it happened.

Switched my gym bro's smelling salts with poppers. Dude hit a PR on squats AND prolapsed.

Considering sniffing poppers during this D&D game to just see what happens

Not gonna explain but boy howdy my scrotum has so much blood in there

Just found out about a bug chasing orgy in my area that a fuckin disgusting amount of dudes are attending. Please be safe out there cause these hoes do not care about you or your health. Protect yourself and assume others will not.