What a cool sports show!

There's an entire generation of sports fans who grew up idolizing ESPN so much that it was literally their No. 1 dream in 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 to work there one day - a dream no young sports fan will ever have anymore because they're gonna grow up viewing it as the sports equivalent of Fox News.

This is like how the town in Arizona where my grandpa lived took extensive measures to relocate a saguaro cactus only for it to be struck by lighting shortly after it was moved

no question that hegseth hates guys with beards because they make him feel insecure

Happy to be of service. I once got into a taxi in Dublin wearing a cool new outfit. I was nervous about deviating from the norm but did it anyway. The taxi driver was on the phone when I got in. First thing he did was finish his phone call saying "I have to go, this fella's wearing dungarees"

Absolute carnage in the family group chat as my cousin posts a Christmas riddle from her fiancé’s office that no one can figure out, only to find that someone in the office got ChatGPT to make up the riddle and it’s gibberish that doesn’t have a solution

it's so funny that they have effortlessly reinvented a character for 60 years, over and over, through several different historical settings, and the second it gets turned over to an Amazon-owned outfit they're like "buhhhhh didn't he like, die in the last one??"

I used to assume that Rhodes wore an eyepatch because he lost his eye in battle or something, but it turns out that he just accidentally shot himself in the face.

There is a LOT to unpack here aside from the repeated and blatant lie about violence in Chicago. 1) The Miracle Mile Shopping Center is in Las Vegas 2) The MAGNIFICENT Mile is in Chicago, but it’s not a shopping center 3) The troops are already here 4) They’re the ones doing the violence

Nothing illustrates the arseholery of the IOC and the British Press more than the use of the image of a not-Trans woman to illustrate a story about trans women being banned (because there are no current trans women competing at this level)

you can't just bring back austin powers. the franchise wrote itself into a corner after he volunteered to stay behind forever in the shagadelic dimension to save foxxy and vanessa. they already brought him back once without explaining how he escaped from fembot island, the audience won't buy it

I have a solution for this James Bond issue:

This would be funny if the WSJ didn’t literally just post about how successful downtown is doing. Foot traffic downtown is HIGHER than pre-pandemic levels: www.wsj.com/real-estate/...

That uhh doesn't really seem like they've ceased fire now does it

Yup, pretty much sums it up

The single Late Night With Conan O’Brien bit that I contend best exemplifies and crystallizes the brilliantly absurdist comedic sensibility he fostered…

We are literally mad about your failure to fight the real dangers.

Catherine my good bitch you guys are the only ones who do not know where the Republicans stand

One more skeet for Edmund Fitzgerald Day. Behind this historical marker is the famed Whitefish Bay. Today the Great Lakes Shipwreck Museum in Paradise, Mich., rang the recovered bell 31 times, 29 for the victims of the wreck, once for all Great Lakes shipwreck victims, and once for Gordon Lightfoot.

NOAA has been depriving us of more incredible folk songs.

A subtle one that's easy to miss, but the fact that Andreesen and Musk both use "alpha" as slang for "information advantage" is a clear tell that their mental world is finance, not technology. They try to talk otherwise but they are investors not inventors.

Birds are sky garbage

Miracle mile

Yes, "pregnant people" is inclusive language that describes pregnant cis women AS WELL AS trans men and nonbinary people, a lot of whom can get pregnant. But it also describes, like, 12-year-old girls who get pregnant. Do centrist pig-dogs think THEY are "women" too? Coz...bit of a red flag, that.

Eating a sundae with a long spoon is the height of decadence. The longer the spoon the more decadent it is. Ideally you shouldn't even be in the same room as the sundae

Every time someone’s like “put that in the louvre,” my head now goes “and then steal it from the louvre, the security password is louvre”

it snowed one time and they’re packing it in

obama exerted more effort to break a potential NBA strike during the 2020 NBA bubble playoffs than to stop senate democrats from sticking the knife in his signature legislative accomplishment.

Primary all of them. They do not represent constituents; they represent corporate donors. This is absolutely insane.

Democrats helped Republicans kill a ten billion dollar industry in order to cave on the shutdown.

when i see my wife carrying a little treat

If you're bleeding internally you just uhh call around and compare health care plans. Make a budget spreadsheet and see what you can afford. Do I have to spell it out for you. I have a ballroom to build

this is literally never not accurate

If there's anything you get to do a lot of in America it's negotiating the price you pay for services. You have to be prepared to walk off the insurance lot and then the salesman will chase you with a better offer.

The Wreck of the Seattle Pilots

Le Four a Chaux; a Study for the Panorama of the Battle of Champigny, by Alphonse de Neuville, 1881, 📸 via @zm_cox

Kyle Hendricks is a Cubs legend forever. When your children come of age, tell them what he did. Tell them of Game 6 of the 2016 NLCS, wherein Kyle Hendricks and "Clayton Kershaw" faced off and one of them ended up folding like a cheap table. Enjoy retirement, Professor emeritus.

Trump is so bad at this he looks at a gay guy with "butt" in his name and can't even manage to come up with a good riff.

Anyone who says Short n Sweet is a cop

Why is the "we must be united!" hectoring directed at people who are mad at the Cavers and not to the Cavers? Everyone who's mad was united, then the Cave Caucus walked across the aisle and betrayed what the public had been told was the Dem position.

Whenever some sanctimonious Dem announces that America needs a functioning Republican Party, I always think “I’d settle for a functioning Democratic Party.”

Guy running for office asking why TVs havent continued to get cheaper.

so does my second grader, congrats!

a few months ago I said "having generative AI handle absolutely anything with regards to healthcare is a nightmare and should be banned" and a bunch of people made fun of me and called me stupid. anyways,

3 years ago Elon enabled the funniest day in Twitter history.

kinda unfair that we got The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfoot within a year after the tragedy, meanwhile 9/11 gave us like 20 years of absolute dogshit country music