Cool I’m getting targeted ads for Datura derivatives Hey kids, please don’t eat plants just cause the Internet told you they’re magical Datura will make you be dead

I miss when journalism wasn’t designed to generate a comments section

Me in 2005: “wow 2nd wave feminism was so crazy for saying you can’t be straight and a feminist” Me in 2026, looking around at the straights: “…. They may have been onto something”

Feminism isn’t your man acknowledging that you’re smarter and wiser and more mature and more capable and carrying all the responsibility - feminism is respecting yourself enough to be with someone who’s on your fucking level.

The best place for a Nazi is in three different dumpsters

A good thing to remember at museums is that, when something is really a gift, you don’t insist on it being labeled as “gift from me” forever. Rich people don’t understand gifts.

Wow I’m really glad Suzanne Collins’ work had such a broad reaching impact and got so many children familiar with the basic mechanics of oppression & resistance However I would also like you, an adult, to please ffs stop saying “Omg it’s just like hunger games” and read a real history book

People keep being like “bc of autism I thought people were serious when they said ‘let’s get coffee’ but it turns out nobody means that” My guy we most definitely do mean it. Allistic people arent just handing out fake invitations as a matter of course. Those people are called ‘assholes.’

I hope we can all admit to ourselves that if all we’re doing is yapping about what should or shouldn’t happen, then what we’ve really decided to do is wait and see what happens.

When white people refer to colonial powers as “we,” as in “when we took over the continent,” it’s always worth asking: Who is “we?” Are they taking care of you? White people don’t know what community is because of we did, we would immediately stop thinking of whiteness as our community.

IMO calling in sick to work is part of interviewing your boss. Do it early. If they: - push you to come in anyway - imply you’re lying / need extra proof - point out what an inconvenience it is for them - try to use it to turn your coworkers against you … begin your exit.

Protect the dolls means maintain line of sight on the dolls. Place yourself between strangers and the dolls. Notice what makes the dolls uncomfortable, keep them from having to deal with it. Accompany the dolls into cis spaces, leave when they want to leave. You have an aura of privilege. Aim it.

It’s good to periodically look around and ask yourself how many of your friends would fight a cop for you Especially now

But if there was a man in my bed where would my breakfast go

What’s actually gonna happen is 1,000 years from now a trans archaeologist will dig up your bones and cry because it’s the most profound moment in her life

You live in a society that produces people who just don’t see anything wrong with murder. They want to do it. It feels cool. The state seeks those people, and gives them tools and permission to murder, when it is useful to the state. That is who we’re dealing with.

The officer took Pretti’s gun and fired it into the ground. This will be reframed in court as evidence that Pretti fired shots. This was not an accident. These dogs are not untrained.

It is not about needing a different president anymore. The movement using him as a figurehead has a paramilitary force of their own now, that your government is allowing to patrol the streets and execute dissenters. These boys will not snap out of it once he stops telling them to do this.

Don’t let your loneliness lower your bar. It’s better to have empty chairs around your table than to fill them with people who don’t get you. Your people will find you, and you want to have room for them when they do.

I gotta say I am about done with fantasy fiction’s obsession with royalty. Everybody always has to be Princess this and Duke that and The Last of the Noble Line of whatever I don’t care about these prissy rich people give me a laundry wench and give her a dragon

Me: Yeah I’m gonna have to do this thing that’s gonna be really hard and dangerous - if you freak out and dump all your anxiety about it onto me, I can’t really handle that as well, so I’m gonna frame it as a fun silly little time “Omg you’re so adventurous!” 🤗 Me: Good it’s working

Listen it is kind of annoying when men see you doing something difficult and assume you need help But it is 100x more annoying when men see you struggling and just stand there and hit on you while you’re obviously busy

You live in a country that killed a revolutionary leader and then gave you the day off school about it

I love it when libertarians say “taxation is theft” and then I say “does Hobbes’ Leviathan really apply here though?” And then they gape at me like I uttered a wizard’s curse because you actually can’t be a libertarian if you’ve Googled your catchphrases

A boycott is not an individual choice. It is an organized collective action. You are not boycotting Amazon if you don’t know which organization asked you to boycott Amazon, nor the status of their negotiations with Amazon. Hope this helps.

There’s no such thing as an ethical diamond because if you can afford diamonds you’re hoarding wealth. That is literally the point of fine jewelry. Stop pretending you’re not rich.

Truly my reddest flag in dating is someone who can’t pick friends What do you mean you’re cool and smart and kind and funny and hot but you hang out with people who treat you like shit? And you expect ME to hang out with them? Absolutely not

Target is the fae realm. 10 minutes inside Target is 3 hours in real life. I know we’re not supporting Target right now I just wanted to let everyone know this also applies when all you’re doing is peeing.

The dazed, leisurely pace of rich tourists at a busy truck stop bathroom has made me realize rich people probably don’t normally pee and they’re just trying it out while they’re on vacation

Excellent banjo player, this guy. Will be putting him on even heavier rotation now.

Just so we’re clear, even if we buy the ICE narrative: the way to neutralize a threat when they’re driving a vehicle toward you is not to shoot and kill the driver. That’s a great way to make the problem immediately worse. Nazis are always stupid. Remember this.

Whoah crazy that the US has taken over a foreign country to control its resources for the 18th time Read this book and apologize to a Filipino

Expecting free therapy from your uber driver and then not tipping is crazy.

Are you avoiding asking for help because you’re afraid of being a burden or because you don’t trust the ability of people to help you substantially We’re all being very “it’s okay to ask for help” but we seem to not be talking about how to make sure we’re actually good at helping

Men don’t like women doing men stuff because when we start asking questions it becomes obvious they don’t know wtf they’re doing I’m shopping for a generator right now. The number of men who don’t know the difference btw a generator and an inverter/battery pack is staggering.

I’ll never buy anything that wasn’t at least partially built by a woman because what do you mean “theres just a small leak in the roof that drips right down into the electrical but I put a tarp over it when it rains and it’s fine” It’s not fine Bill

It is so nuts to me when people put two images of a celebrity next to each other and say “WHOAH! Different vibe! What happened??” You’re looking at a person who’s job is having different appearances. Probably what happened is they’re at a different event?

Hoping 2026 is the year “slow life” trad girl influencers realize that the hurrying urge they’re resisting is capitalism

Listen I’m certainly not trying to defend capitalism, but I’m seeing a lot of “ugh we shouldn’t have to work in the winter I hate capitalism” Babe if you’re a woman I have bad news… we’ve had to work very hard in the winter since long before capitalism

If you’re at my bar and you don’t know what you want, and there’s a line behind you, I’ll give you up to 2 suggestions before I drop the smile and stare at you like I hate you (I do). Babe you’re not marrying the drink. You’re not gonna remember this decision in an hour. Pick the thing on the left.

You give someone a practical gift two years in a row they’re gonna start expecting it — and that’s how you gettem Get them a power bank and then a workwear jacket and then throw em off with a sentimental knickknack that does nothing but make them cry

Doomerism is so lazy What do you mean your political philosophy is “I expect a new, better society to just naturally emerge from the ashes of the collapsing one while I sit and eat pop tarts”? That is not how anything has ever been built cupcake Read a book and then pick up a shovel

Rich kids genuinely don’t know the difference between a documentary and a vacation video

Worker solidarity isn’t just holding picket lines. It’s acting like the treatment we all deserve is normal. You want me to apply for a job without telling me the pay range? Lol. Weird. Bye. Even if it IS normal — you are helping every worker after you by setting boundaries. Do that.

Filming your child or your partner for lolz while they’re actually mad at you is so abusive omg

Girls gays and theys’ fantasies: “I would like to have sex with Cthulhu” Straight girls’ fantasies: “I am gradually realizing I’m gay as hell” Straight men’s fantasies: “if it weren’t for these pesky laws I’d be out here assaulting all kinds of people just like they deserve”

Honestly one of the great tragedies of our time is that we give kids “child safe” art supplies when they’re 3 (good thing) but then we don’t bother graduating them to proper supplies at a developmentally appropriate time A conscientious 8 year old is more than capable of using oil paints safely

Have you ever noticed there are no law classes in public school Like there is no point where they sit you down and say “okay kids here is the list of things that are illegal to do” You’re just supposed to kind of find out by word of mouth Our legal system is folklore-based

Okay God, how often should reptiles need to eat? “Like every few weeks is fine.” Okay and mammals? “Maybe like once a day?” Ok so then humans— “Every four hours.” … what? “And if they don’t they get really aggressive.” … uh “And they’re wicked smart and they can eat literally anything.” 😳

It’s so embarrassing that there are female gynecologists who don’t know how to do a Pap smear without inflicting absolutely biblical pain What do you mean you’re less gentle than the average DIVE BAR MAN? Ma’am you have an MD in this and also you HAVE ONE OF THESE