If you read this text first, congratulations on being normal!

If you read this text first, you've spent too much time online. Maybe touch some grass.

I always thought it was kinda unsatisfying that Dorothy's companions lacked a brain (a body part), a heart (a body part), and courage (an abstract concept). Balls. The lion lacked balls. Because he's a cat who was neutered. Gdi

Apparently there's a dangerous new trend where teens will reject the weakness of their flesh and embrace the certainty of steel. Parents, beware.

Saw someone set their pronouns to "his majesty", and ... it works?!? I didn't realize until now that "his majesty" is actually a pronoun. Not only that, but it works as both a subject and an object. You only need the one pronoun. Efficient.

Politics aside, HHS has a weird name. "Department of Health" is fine, but "Human Services"? That just sounds creepy. It sounds like a cover for some crazy mad scientist's unethical experiments. "Nothing suspicious here, just performing some 'Human Services' on this patient" Nah bro, RUN

Can you really call it a DnD session if you don't get distracted halfway through talking about Ahab x Whale enemies-to-lovers fanfic?

Hands down the funniest thing about Blue Prince is that people can play it for hundreds of hours and not realize what the title means, but the second they watch a YouTuber/streamer say the name out loud they *immediately* get it

Dog people: "Cats are assholes (derogatory)" Cat people: "Cats are assholes (affectionate)"

"Her face was inscrutable" yeah, maybe to you. I can scrute it no problem.

Man don't you just love paying the bank a monthly subscription to your own freaking money

One cool thing you realize when watching streamers play Balatro is that nobody understands logarithmic scales.

I joined this site not really knowing what kind of content would be on it. Turns out the main type of content in my feed is stream announcements for livestreams I've already missed.

Dear Bluesky, Please stop showing me my own posts/replies in my "Following" feed. It may shock you to hear this, but I've actually already seen them.

Google: *uses some of the most advanced data tracking techniques ever developed to record data about every single aspect of my online life so they can deliver precision-targeted ads to me* Also Google: "lol u can afford a pickup truck, right?"

Can someone explain to me why every time I drop my phone (android), it opens the camera app while falling? What is my phone trying to tell me???

My sister: "Bet you can't name the seven dwarves" Me without missing a beat: "Doc, Dopey, Sleepy, Sneezy, Breezy, Beautiful, Covergirl"

Years of playing Operation as a kid have all led up to this very moment... *delicately extracts the bagel from the toaster with surgical precision*

I miss Reddit's reply structure already. I keep trying to collapse reply threads only to be disappointed that that isn't a thing here.

The follower count is basically the only thing I'm using to figure out if an account is real, so I'm putting a lot of trust in the mob mentality. Y'all better not let me down.

So what exactly do people post about on the Twitter-like sites? I'm new to screaming into the void, I don't know how it works.