Mom: “I always thought you’d make a good pharmacist.” Me: “I do love active ingredients and making impatient people irate.”

According to KDP, someone has been reading Hollow Wraiths on Kindle all month which makes me so happy because no one reads it. Thank you, kind reader, for reading my silly ghost book.

I’ve seen 4:44 over eight times in the last 48 hours. If these angel goobers or whoever’s doing that could stop with the vague platitudes and help me with money, I’d appreciate it.

Mom: [on her ipad] *gasp!* oh my god!!! 😱 Me: what? Mom: Kristy McNichol is 63!! Me: that *is* gasp worthy, yes.

I know this gets old and I apologize, but I’m sharing this once again. Any help is appreciated especially as I’m disabled and I’m trying afford my medicine.

I wish people believed that cruelty was enough for something to be bad.

I wonder if my Revolutionary War soldier ancestors ever thought that one day their great grandson (my dad) would marry the great granddaughter (my mom) of Canadian loyalists? That’s gotta at least annoy them a little bit.

I know this gets old and I apologize, but I’m sharing this once again. Any help is appreciated especially as I’m disabled and I’m trying afford my medicine.

The discourse around that gay hockey show has been incredible to witness. Gay men have been pointing out the homophobia in publishing, the romance genre, and “fandom” cultures for years and now it’s been galvanized and laid out for all to see.

My brain: “you suck, everyone pities you. Nothing you ever do is right.” Also my brain: “Fiona Applebee’s, lol.”

“Here’s why neurodivergent people are having trouble sleeping this week.” I’m about to jump out a window. “Neurodivergent” is a political label for EVERY atypical cognitive condition. It is not a diagnosis nor is it a superpower that makes you more empathic, spiritual, or politically aware.

No new pictures. Where are you mentally?

Smarties taste like Halloween. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is, when I eat them it’s Halloween 1997 in my mouth.

Thor being the god and protector of the common man always makes me emotional. That means he’s the god of garbagemen, fry cooks, bus drivers, waitresses, construction workers, preschool teachers, the kid at the drive thru — I am verklempt. 🥹

Pandas no longer being endangered makes me happy.

So stressed and overwhelmed. Mom’s sick again, can’t afford my other meds, no money for room rent, no supportive family, no matter what I do it’s never enough. I just want to curl up and disappear.

Mom: “when I was 12, my cousins came down from Canada and my aunt took us all to Indiana Beach and us kids got in trouble for putting the hotel room desk on the balcony.” Me: “just like a Canadian to cause a ruckus. Tsk tsk.”

Sharing this again. Mom’s been sick and we’re still struggling. Trying our best to stay in the hotel until we can get things figured out. Any help is appreciated beyond words.

Spent the last of my cash on my heart meds. Mom is sick again. I feel so overwhelmed. I’m trying to remain positive but I want to hide in a hole somewhere.

A lot of homophobia is rooted in the feeling some straight people have that they are owed compliance and accommodation from the sex they are attracted to. It’s a weird entitlement and sense of ownership.

Sciatica pain, poor, homeless-ish, sad, and to add insult to injury, tummy hurt.

Culturally and psychologically, I find it fascinating that whole political identities and villages can be borne from the internet alone. Terrifying, but fascinating.

Aldi’s chocolate is some of the best in the world. Two bucks a pound and made by obscure German brands that only exist in fairytales.

I wanna be rich enough that I never have to worry about money again, can help out others when they’re struggling, and can DoorDash Buffalo Wild Wings.

One of my hotel neighbors is smoking skunkweed and it’s smells godawful. Like wet dog ass. FDR was right to ban it.

Sharing this again. Mom’s been sick and we’re still struggling. Trying our best to stay in the hotel until we can get things figured out. Any help is appreciated beyond words.

The only men who ever chat me up are Canadians. Why must they live so far away in a country whose taxes I can’t afford?

I hate doing this online but I’m in a tough position. Me and my mother are both disabled and currently homeless, living out of a cheap hotel until we can get back on our feet. Staying here has eaten up all my savings. If you’d like to help, my PayPal is @ josmeeks. Anything is appreciated.

The unemployment people said they don’t know when or if Mom will get her unemployment again. I am going to become John Dillinger.

Falling asleep watching Tubi is a dangerous game of roulette. You could wake up to a movie about talking puppies saving Christmas or to the horrid screams of I Spit On Your Grave 8: Genital Revenge.

They put a pause on mom’s unemployment to re-review it just because. I am going to punch a wall.

I’m really into the Gauls right now.

The response to Will coming out in Stranger Things is so revealing. Everybody wants to masturbate to the sexy hockey boyfriends show and talk like a Black drag queen from 1994, but Gods forbid you show an actual gay experience that’s not about indulging non-gays.

You are allowed to be an English speaker with an accent. Whether you’re a native speaker or not. You’re allowed to have a dialect and colloquialisms. You’re allowed to struggle with pronunciation and syntax. English is an incredibly dynamic language and was built to handle these things.

Had a dream I DoorDashed McDonald’s breakfast and got mad when I woke up and it wasn’t here.

I’m so afraid of asking for help. I’m afraid I’ll ask too much from people and it’ll push them away.

Mom is gonna apply to drive the bus for the special needs children in our school district. She’d be so good at that, plus it’d be almost double her old pay. A specialist would be riding with to tend to the kids. Everybody wish real hard so she gets it.

I hate struggling like this. I hate asking for help all the time. I feel like I’m taking too much from people. It’s gone on too long. I feel stuck no matter what I do.

I really miss how glamorous the early 90s seemed to me as a kid. It made being an adult look fun. Now everyone around my age in their 30s and 40s wants to stay 17 forever.

Do people not know that “neurodivergent” isn’t a diagnosis nor a synonym for autism spectrum disorder? It’s a socio-political umbrella term for literal every type of atypical brain and cognitive function; from disabilities and disorders, to literally anything else.

Whoever has my poppet, if you could please pass it through some wormwood or clove smoke a few dozen times? I’m tired of dealing with the same abusive assholes over and over again.

Me in the Criterion closet: “wow, okay. So this is Leprechaun 4: In Space. Warwick Davis gives such a great performance when he gets laser blasted and grows giant.”

Guy online was showing off his “gay room.” Just walls of gay art, ToF, retro movie stars, vintage Colt posters, musicians. Gods, I want that, too.

Growing up on a steady diet of 90s action movies, Full Moon Features, and b grade erotic thrillers I was too young to see is why my brain is the way it is.

The 1986 TV version of Babes in Toyland is one of my favorite Christmas movies simply because it’s feverishly chaotic. It’s got Drew Barrymore, Keanu, a plot about child brides, a song about Cincinnati, and all on a thirty dollar budget in a backlot somewhere in Burbank.

I was given a box of instant pistachio pudding. It’s very pretty but it tastes the way someone’s grandma’s pantry smells.

You’re telling me a minority demographic of men, marginalized in every culture that’s ever existed, who’ve had every aspect of their personality and sexuality weaponized against them since childhood, would be precious about their representation? You don’t say.

I had a dream I started a Pagan monastery in my childhood backyard dedicated to Cernunnos but I couldn’t decide what color robes to wear. There were four classes of priesthood assigned to the elements and we had lots of stray cats. The news did a story on us.

Sharing this once more. I know it’s Christmas and I know most people are struggling. I’m trying to keep mom and I afloat as long as I can.

🎶it's been a long December and there's reason to believe, Maybe this year will be better than the last🎶