Zach Williams but call me Zach
@zachwilliamscomedy.bsky.social
📤 24
📥 19
📝 29
Puns, buns, and automobiles.
arm wrestling is just two guys who wanna hold hands, but don’t wanna be gay.
about 1 year ago
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But seriously, who is supposed to read these federal “productivity reports”?
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about 1 year ago
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BRB imagining a world where being a nazi was as much of a political scandal as being gay.
about 1 year ago
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They’re getting rid of the penny cause they don’t want your two cents.
about 1 year ago
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I must have resting stoned face.
about 1 year ago
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When you consider what bezo’s fiancée was wearing yesterday, yea it was too cold to have the inauguration outdoors.
about 1 year ago
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To be fair government shutdowns have been getting shorter and shorter.
about 1 year ago
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Thank god, where else was I gonna find clips of forced crowdwork at an open mic?
about 1 year ago
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What’s nice about the ban is that right as it was becoming trendy to complain about it being gone it was back.
about 1 year ago
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Look on the bright side, with Tik Tok banned, Americans will have time to read more books.
about 1 year ago
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Gangster 1: We need a new scheme. Gangster 2 who’s been studying ancient Egyptian architecture: Ok so check it out-
about 1 year ago
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Of course millennials care about the environment. We were raised on Barney, Jurassic park, and The Land Before Time, but you’re surprised we freak out about fossil fuels?
over 1 year ago
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Analog porn is about to make the biggest come back.
over 1 year ago
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If it was a shotgun marriage that makes you a son of a gun.
over 1 year ago
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Okay but hear me out: (screams)
over 1 year ago
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Chess is non-binary checkers.
over 1 year ago
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Fuck, marry, kill: ghosts of Christmas from a Christmas Carol.
over 1 year ago
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Wish me luck ya’ll I got 3k riding on this dog show.
over 1 year ago
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Hey, shut up.
over 1 year ago
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Remember when bringing up the weather was a benign conversation? Now it’s either gonna lead to natural disasters or conspiracy theories.
over 1 year ago
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Putting hours into writing and shooting and editing a promo video just to have a selfie clip of me ranting about Sweden get more views.
over 1 year ago
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I downloaded Sweden’s WW3 pamphlet. Disappointed to report there is not one meatball recipe.
over 1 year ago
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Your biggest flex isn’t the weight you lift—it's the discipline you build. 💪🔥 Show up for YOU every single day.
#FitnessMotivation
#StayConsistent
#GymLife
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over 1 year ago
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Be honest, who came here just to bitch about Twitter?
over 1 year ago
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Physical fitness is super important.
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over 1 year ago
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Something tells me this book belongs on this app.
over 1 year ago
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Working on a musical but it’s just Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” with muppets.
over 1 year ago
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This worked on threads so imma try it here: Oh great and powerful algorithm, if you find it fit in your wisdom please connect me with Comics Writers Directors Performers Artists Musicians Book readers Chili eaters And all manner of cool individuals Thank you.
over 1 year ago
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If you speak Spanish and love bread you’re pansexual.
over 1 year ago
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you reached the end!!
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