How do I know my head is too stuck reflecting? "I had these Lego sets and was so sad when we got rid of them. I remember seeing these exact sets at her family's house two lifetimes ago. And here they are now again," very obtusely describes three of the most pivotal inflection points in my life.

Young one's spelling homework included "arch" words: archive, hierarchy, anarchy, matriarch. My interest was piqued, but sadly, these are unrelated to the current reader, apparently on geology. No offense to geology, but I was dying to see the kids story with "abrupt" "uninterruptible" "anarchy"

Two months on pills now. To celebrate, I'm reliving the height of my teenage years! 🎉 I will stare at draft messages that my social anxiety keeps me from sending, contemplate existential fears in a world increasingly on fire, and eventually give up and play a video game until I fall asleep. 😅

Took a sick day today on the slim pretense of an afternoon appointment. I've been alone in the waiting room for 40 mins now writing in my notes app and I cannot for the life of me recall why I have a 10 year old note: "Blue paint marker. Paint car at dawn, Thurs."

Oh, AI search... "Feeling sick to your stomach and angry at the government often go hand-in-hand due to stress and anxiety impacting your gut, but it's important to distinguish real physical pain from stress-induced discomfort; while the phrase itself is a popular meme for political frustration..."

Returned to work from the holidays today - not a great day. December was full of great moments, but at some point I'll have to figure out how to manage in normal, routine daily life. "Just pretend everything is fine" was a critical mistake all along, after all.

Given how rough 2025 has been, but in recognition of how much I appreciate these last three months in my life with personal growth, friends, and family - I'm switching to US federal government fiscal years. I hope everyone has a Happy Start of FY26Q2 next week.

Been trying since last night to find words for the trip. It was amazing. It was a lot. *I* was a lot (and try not to dwell on it 😅) The trip was impossibility made real. I could never talk to my family, reconnect with my best friend, face the past, or be that unguarded and happy. Or so I thought 💜

I was anxious, a bit scared, and felt like I was quite awkward, but I'll stand by my description of the day in the moment: "I am happy and I have run out of words."

A friend introduced me as "(extra long pause) Surname" at a coworker happy hour. I'm not out at work, so that's cool. We share a govt given name, so reasonable enough. It felt like I'd entered "..." as a name in an RPG, which was fun. Supportive but awkward friend is adorable, so glad he's cool.

Totally overcommitted today. Like "Get up early to sneak in dental surgery before hanging out with an old friend we're hosting before even more stuff" type overcommitted. This should be the last achievement speedrun masquerading as a normal day for a while.

My wife knows how to cheer me up after a couple of rough days - with a copy of Galaxy: The Prettiest Star!

So, patch notes for the open source continuation of Race Into Space mention this fix from February 2023: "If an emergency EVA was needed to get back to the capsule after the Moon landing, the game wouldn't give you credit for the landing (#741)" I've been mad at this game for *decades* over this.

Introduce yourself with four spaceships!!

I'm so overwhelmed (literally). Thank you! 💜 But so you know, the original photo post plan was this: Me: I'm not out in public at all Also me: (picture of Ada wearing a black skirt, tall boots, and a T-shirt reading "what's more punk than the public library" while playing a Roland Axis-1 keytar)

Today was my first day out since starting this journey. Make-up and holiday shopping followed by a primary care visit. And perhaps for the first time in a long time, I feel like the person in the mirror is me.

I was first called Ada more years ago than I care to count by a dear friend who is no longer with us. This was in a difficult time in my life, one I long wished had gone differently, but also a time of great self-discovery. This name is a proud reminder of all I have been and all I might become.

I never realized how much of a hang up I had about complimenting appearance. "They might feel unsafe, question your motives, or think you are just vain. So *never* do it" Or, you know, I could read a situation and tell you how fantastic you look if it seems appropriate So much unlearning to do...

My plans for today consisted of more than just wrapping myself in a cocoon of fleece and quills, drifting between vivid dreams and mild delirium, all by the light of my phone. But cold and flu season had different plans.

Like a planetary alignment, it has been a week on meds, a month since accepting, a year openly questioning, a decade of isolating and introspection, and a lifetime of wondering and uncertainty. The road was long and is longer still - I am so thankful for friendships new and renewed along the way. 💜

Was briefly stuck in the parking deck elevator. Nice temp, good view, no hurry, so I chatted with it for a few minutes. Sometimes we just can't, and that's okay. It rang its little bell and angrily opened and shut the door an inch as if possessed. I just patted the door. It gave up and opened 😊

I come here to celebrate this journey in a way I cannot yet do in my daily life. It's about the joy, curiosity, and community I've lacked. Anger at the world goes elsewhere. But - The impersonal mass email "How do you know testosterone therapy is right for you?" from PCP office nails today's mood

Lots of emotions about names last night. My future perfect tense brain threw this gem at me: "I don't want to burden new friends with what will be my deadname." This is a fun one to unpack, especially given that circumstances are going to keep me in my current name for some time.

"This gift is yours. It is a right of passage. It is all of the tools you will need for this quest on your journey. Not the finest, but where you shall begin as I and countless others before you did. This is your pink caboodle now."

Being social after isolating for so long is difficult, but so rewarding. I was invited to crash a happy hour outing for the project team I left earlier in the year. Drinking, laughing, making sure we all can afford food, comparing plans to flee the country, scheduling karaoke - normal socializing

Labs drawn. Scripts filled. Today is the day. music.youtube.com/watch?v=LVAN...

There are so many stories about today - funny, awkward, annoying, amazing stories But watching the wind brush across a colorful tree palette to the soft tune of wind chimes under the embrace of a retiring sun and gentle gusts - I feel at peace, a rare feel Tomorrow I crash back to Earth, not now

Of all the reasons I'm happy to have completed my PhD, I'd never thought of how nice it is that "Dr. Surname," is a polite and genderless reference to myself. Little things like this help despite how much else around me is infuriating.

Disappointment is not defeat. Just because an incredible job opportunity didn't pan out doesn't diminish other progress or victories. I went for *everything* I wanted and this one part didn't happen. So much else is on track, though. 😊

Appointments made. Applications sent. All done. Time to hurry up and wait. Today went from being the first page of a new chapter to the canary copy of a triplicate request for a cosmic narrative shift in 5-10 business days. Despite it all, I felt seen, heard, loved, and valid today. 💜

The first one to notice wins. 😊💜

A good, responsible day. I even worked through some careful self-reflection and resolved to find better language before trying to discuss any of it. Look at that maturity. Wait, a chance for a mildly amusing lewd remark that opens up that door? Don't mind if I do! 😅 I have the best big sis tho 💜

The little one likes to repeat small parts of kids songs on his device. For the last hour, it's been a gentle song about emotions. This part over and over especially: You might laugh today. You might cry today. You might feel many different feelings, And they're all okay. It's lovely 😊

Connected by Islandinside has been on repeat nonstop all week. Belting it in the car makes me feel less fractured, like the masks all truly belong to one self. Not sure I'll get to covering it, but I story-boarded a video if I do. music.youtube.com/watch?v=9ncO...