You know what's cool? Being happy Kimmel is back Know what's cooler than that? Being happy it's back, but telling everyone you're too cool to watch it.

I celebrate the first day of Fall by killing the first person i catch making a joke about white women and pumpkin spice latte's.

Dutch late night TV has its take

If you, especially as a comedian, whined about cancel culture for the last decade, and now think folks deserve to get punished and attacked for saying bad things about Charlie Kirk, you deserve a wedgie so bad, your balls pop out on each side of your underwear.

I'd like to take a moment to apologize for being transgender. I'm sorry that hating me hasn't fixed your life.

Editors Note: Earlier reporting that claimed the roommate of Charlie Kirk's shooter was a Nazi Catgirl is incorrect. New information reveals they are a weeb in a hoody who likes TikTok filters, but they did once see a penis they agreed was esthetically appealing.

"A War! A War against these murderous Demo- wait, I'm just getting an update..." *finger to ear* "We must pray for the poor soul of Charlie Kirk's killer."

Sorry to all the folks that were hoping that Charlie Kirk's murderer was trans. We know we're a disappointment to you.

This kid, based on the stuff folks are digging up about him, sounds exactly like every other terminally online ideologically incoherent chan addicted shooter of the last decade

"Charlie Kirk was a good man who just wanted to debate." Oh? Debate what? "Stuff." What stuff? "You know. Like social issues." What social issues? *glaring* "Why do you hate free speech?

Anyone else notice most of the people who are mad, shocked, and offended about people not mourning Charlie Kirk are the "fuck your feelings" folks?

Charlie Kirk just lost a debate with Smith&Wesson

Not gonna lie, it's kinda funny how they'll say that transgender people are preying on children and then go to a church where every six months the youth minister has decided to move on to new opportunities.

Are you just drunk or are you scream singing Cake songs while picking up your dogs poop drunk?

Come check out this very cool AMA today!

New gender neutral bathroom opening soon

Only way you'd think all transwomen dress like anime girls is if that's who you're cranking it raw to.

At this point if Hakeem Jeffries endorsed Mamdani, people would call it fake and a scheme to undermine him.

Come Mr. Repo man Repo me Sonata Tow truck come and me watch me car go.

The real issues facing Illinois.

We have a great AMA on @askhistorians.bsky.social today on the history of pan-Africanism! Come check it out! www.reddit.com/r/AskHistori...

In the 80's the mayor of DC was a literal crackhead.

Woke up today and decided to get my shit together*. *reorganize my Spotify lists

Jim Lovell, Apollo 13 commander has passed. Rest in peace.

When you're trans and live in Oklahoma.

I watched The Accountant 2 last night and was reminded that acquired savant syndrome exists. Now im planning on hitting myself with a hammer until I master Chopin.

It took me 20 years to get around to filing for VA disability, but as of today Im officially a disabled vet. Am I required to wear a hat now?

Little bit of change over 20 years.

just realized today is 20 years since I got out of the Army

Racism, drug abuse, sex scandals, and conservative. I guess Hulk Hogan truly was a Real American

Ozzy Osborne in War Pigs rhymed "masses" with "masses." And you know what? The song is so good we just let him get away with it.

"Why young fella, I can make you the greatest blues player in the world. But it'll cost ya..."

"I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul that says Im better than you"

New Dan Brown novel dropped.

I don't think it's so much that folks called everything they didn't like fascist, so we stopped recognizing it, it's that we didn't expect American fascism to be so lame.

Have you guys never read a comic?

what I love about July is all the calendars go on sale.

I'm sorry, but if you still think both parties are the same, or Democrats are "Republican-lite", you're not a serious person. In fact, you should probably be subject to a legal competency hearing.

I think I pull off Rockabilly pretty well.

Happy High Tide of the Confederacy Day to all who Celebrate!

Mamdani winning is neither a mandate for Sharia Law and Intifada nor Marxism. Its just deciding which guy fights with the sanitation union over pay raises.

Blame Connecticut for that, not the rural flyover states.

I'd be more inclined to believe NYC is a budding nexus of socialism if it was a Peruvian mountain village run by Shining Path holdouts and not the seat of global capitalism. Like I think folks just want a mayor who isn't a Paul Verhoeven villain for a change.

Guys, I hate to say this, because I want to not hurt your feelings, but I think Mamdani winning has more to do with Cuomo being a sex pest than there being a socialist mandate.

The online lefts love affair with Mamdani is gonna last right up until he says they should pay to use the subway.

We're bombing Iran because folks thought "Pokémon Go to the polls" was cringe, and Vermont Jesus was robbed by losing by millions of votes.

"The Democrats who live in my walls are just as guilty as the Republicans who run the government."