Ein Soft Butch bist ist so ein Segen 😎

I hate living in a rural community cause it’s not even just a southern thing but for real why is everyone so weird about me being plant-based

Update on the priest: I can’t actually bring myself to do it

I am going to fuck that priest like idgaf

I just booked Botox for myself ❤️❤️

That man demolished my insides like I seriously need to go lie down

I have been getting so much dick this week like I have got to settle down

Fuck meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 🥲

This is too crazy

The baby named after me is real and it’s alive and I hate it

Do I fuck my friends tomorrow or just have a quiet night at home?????

Decorated the house for Halloween 🎃

I want to die bc every single evil person I know (I’m from Miami so I know a lot) has moved to Tampa

Wow this is incredibly relatable 😬

The dog ate my curtains :(

Thinking about the way that one band sings tarot cards in that one song again

I gave the puppy a bath and now my lil old dog is hiding from me because she knows it’s her turn

I wish I was crafty :(

Been attacked by THREE different massive bugs in the past three days. I hate living in the country like take me back to the city pleaseeeeee

When you find out I’m from NMB everything makes sense

ich gestern auf eine Wespe getreten und heute ich Zitronensaft ins Auge bekommen 😩

Not sure what I’m gonna do with my kids on a 10 hour flight and it’s at like 11 so they’re gonna probably be up for most of it 🥲

Finally worked out for the first time in ages :(

I got my dog a crop top

Do I need my knee tattooed????

Gonna have to give my vape up tomorrow, very sad and distraught but I will be better off for it 😩

American food is disgusting and anytime I eat it, I am forced to claw my way out of the most intense stomachache of my life

Gardening in Florida is not for the faint of heart

Why does talking to super hot people make me so insanely anxious

Nudeln mit ketchup 🤮

Super ready to fuck that one roadie 🤗

There’s two things you can always count on me for during a vacation: 1. A German amount of walking regardless of whether the city is walkable or not 2. I will always find the oldest cemetery to haunt

Tampa is so shitty now like I miss 2010s shitty Tampa not whatever the hell this soulless shit has turned itself into

I love Portillo’s garden dog so much like fuckkkk

My dad almost died yesterday and didn’t so that’s a win

The queen of acting completely normal when things have gone to shit around me

Hate hate hate myself for thinking my crazy neighbor is hot

My 6 year old randomly getting into the Yeah Yeah Yeahs all on her own as if she needs anymore reason to be the coolest person on earth

CRAVING peppers and feta

Nope, sorry you will never be able to convince me anyone needs weight loss drugs

I wanna move 🥲

Why does everything actively try to kill me in Florida????

Kinda fun to watch my friend age into her mom

It’s so unfair when people confirm plans like no babe I was fishing for a cancel

Do you think the spiders that live in my house like me???

This guy came over just to eat me out for a few hours which was fine, but then he crashed his car on the way home !!!!

It’s so funny when a guy thinks of me as his side chick

I wish I could fuck the dad in Luca

Let’s all appreciate how perfect my husband is 💖

I got Disney APs so expect me to be super annoying about the parks again