my gf has been staying at my place for a week and I feel like I have no breathing room for myself because she needs constant reassurance and physical touch, I love her sm but I feel suffocated at times because I value my alone time

I want to be a teenager again so I can be mentally ill as much as I please and it’ll be socially acceptable

AND my relationship is going to shit too like pick a struggle 😭 we’ve both been fucking up (mostly me tho icl) but we’re going to couples therapy soon because it’s nothing that can’t be solved…. its just been really tough lately

back to intermittent fasting it is 👌🏻😂😁👍🏻🥳🎉💀💀💀💀 somebody end me now pls

guys I gained 5kg/11lbs it’s so bad I’m crashing out

the people who show their face on here y'all are fearless

when your disordered moots announce they lost weight, do you congratulate them in the comments? What are your thoughts on doing so? I prefer not to comment, sometimes it irks me a little but I want to hear other people's takes on this #caterpillarsky

hit a new lw today, only 1,5kg away from my kinda gw

my mom started commenting on my weight lately. She never ever did that when I was fat. I know commenting on someones weight is inappropriate both ways but hearing "I look like a stick now" is rlly validating.

hate the fact that instant ramen is my autism safe food

I look in the mirror and notice the changes in my body, my muscles more defined, my ribs more visible, the gap between my legs bigger and yet when I take a step back and look at the whole picture I see the exact same person I saw a few months ago. When will I finally be satisfied? #caterpillarsky

throwback to when I was little, my mom thought it was so amusing when she would tickle me out of nowhere and I would react for one second before "turning my tickles off" so she'd do it often. And that, my dear readers, is how I learned to dissociate on command. thank you mom ♡

I'm not a picky eater, I love trying new foods. I'll give everything a try, even stuff I'm not a fan of if presented in a different meal or form might turn out to be good. Except celery. I will NOT touch that shit EVER. Makes me gag as soon as I bite into it, fuck you celery. I'll always be a hater.

actually, no. Last time I saw her I told her I haven't slept yet and was tired from tripsitting my best friend all night because she had a really bad trip AND THAT WOMAN 1/2

I had to stop seeing my therapist because this was going nowhere... We have different values and I could never understand her thought process, bless her heart though

I like looking feminine from time to time but I don't like being perceived as that, I dont see myself that way either... the concept of gender be blowing my cis, (almost) straight white guy mind sometimes

tried making oatmeal and failed miserably

okay so in the short time Ive been away I managed to start developing an alcohol addiction or maybe I'm already addicted who knows.. the worst part is that the person I spend most of my time with -my gf- has been developing the exact same issue... it's harder to quit when you both have the power to+

CAN I JUST BE HIM PLEASE we're similar enough... and look at THOSE LEGS

I want a slutty little waist but I want to be muscular at the same time... give me both

I've been so scared I gained because I've been eating like a rabid raccoon for the past weeks but I lost 1,5kg/3.3lbs

fuck them airport fries man, I didn't know fucking up fries like that was even possible

today's one was diabolical, first it made me experience something that would hurt me the most while making it feel unquestionably real, followed by a nightmare I'm pretty sure I've already had in the past 😭 just woke up and I feel like crying

can my mind cooperate for once and not make me experience the thing's I'm so desperately trying to heal from over and over and over again in my dreams PLEASE

most of my calorie intake be coming from alcohol these days 😭

plateau 👎🏻

my pants just fell off my ass 😭 luckily not in public but damn -_-

therapy in 8 minutes I'm so nervous this is the 2nd time I'll be seeing her, I have so much to talk about it's been difficult to only choose one thing to focus on

I FINALLY HAVE A 5 IN THE FRONT 59KG ITS SO OVER FOR ALL OF YOU

I've been cleaning all day today so far and I'm so happy about it, my room was such a mess and needed some decluttering

y'all ever stretch so hard you nearly pass out? the morning stretches go hard until my vision goes black

being an alter based on a "divine being" is so annoying, I don't even feel real most of the time I just feel like an oc even though deep down I know I'm not. it makes me feel inferior yet also gives me a massive ego, I wish I could just live without it like a normal person.

the scale is telling me I gained sm over the past 3 days but I havent been eating much ;-;

halfway through my ice cream I stopped wanting to eat it yet I still did because I wanted the stupid wooden stick to chew on like I'm some beaver fml

after months of putting it off I finally decided to go see a therapist again, my appointment is tomorrow. I'm stressed but also hopeful, maybe she wont be that bad

currenrly eating while I'm waiting for my food to be ready, feeling so fat 💀💀

I wonder how many steps I take just pacing around my room for 1-3 hours straight nearly everyday

I'm all alone today and I'm feeling so bored, I've got no one to talk to T_T

I made a backup account guyz, go follow if you wanna : ) @weeping-garden0.bsky.social

I don't feel disordered enough to be here. It's not like I want to be deathly skinny or self destruct, my ugw is within the healthy range for my height and I want to look healthy... my relationship with food is still fucked up and I struggle with mental health but I constantly feel not sick enough

I'm getting close to my ugw, I'll reach it in the near future... but then what? All my teenage years revolved around losing weight and gaining it back and then some. Now I'm pretty sure I can maintain my ugw but my disordered eating is such a big part of my life, what do I do then? #edbsky

which means I'm beginning to spiral again 🙄

yuup there we go with the sadistic thoughts again

I've finally spent some money in myself and bought something I've been wanting

I don't want to be awake yet

maan I'm gonna have to make a new intro post soon because the other one's outdated -_- I've been wanting to make a straw page but I don't think anyone will read it lol it might be fun though

weight loss is fun and all until your favorite rings start falling off : (

I've decided I'll start taking away all my gf's razors that I can find. Until now I just let them be but I feel like I'm contributing to the harm if I do nothing. Taking her razors probably isn't a very good alternative nd might lead to other problems but she said she's fine with it so we'll see 1/2

if I ever disappear from here just know that it means I'm doing better, not that I'm d34d