Thank you to @alsonamedjosh.bsky.social for teaching me about spamming board wipes.

I really wish Jake told me that his teleporter was broken BEFORE I agreed to this

My first guest had a tough time on the way in… MTG Tonight is live on my channel now.

There are a lot less space anomalies in adult life than I expected.

If you ever feel down on yourself, just remember:

I think we stopped toilet tech dev when we discovered that we could go 1 and 2 in it. What other use cases are there for a magic bowl that replaces all the water inside like magic? If I load the back with wine I could convince people I'm the Jesus.

Guy who owns a cybertruck and advertises his business on it so he can mark it as a business expense while inadvertently making himself look like a moron

When do I get in the gobble queue

This is my pitch for a panel at MagicCon Atlanta

My mom got a quote for getting a deck built by professionals and it was $30K. Idk why she doesn’t come to me on this stuff. I could build her a solid deck out of my bulk with half the labor costs.

Me when someone steals my graded card

This is legit one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me or my stuff.

I should wait, but I won’t. We are back.

What are the wordiest Rakdos cards that are playable?

I used to feel out of the loop on old commander cards because I was too new. Now I'm out of the loop on all these new cards because I'm so abysmally exhausted.

wishing I was at the red gathering point.

Secret Lair does too many command towers. I should not have to choose between Cybertron and SpongeBob’s pineapple. I should get to play both. It is my right.

you guys have to try this new format

Either we talk like human beings on zoom or we introduce zoom call speak into real life. I can’t have it both ways.

If your landlord is incarcerated, do you have to pay rent?

I’m so sick of having a rule 34 conversation before every game.

Thank god it's Friday. The week after Vegas is always exhausting. Tonight I'm going to go home, switch off the phone and stay up late watching cartoons.

Scryfall is such an amazing tool. You can get so specific with your searches. scryfall.com/search?as=gr...

Join the Women+ In Magic Ally Network: a crew of men stepping up to make Magic spaces safer kinder and more inclusive. Less standing by, more showing up! How to join: Fill out the form and share how you want to help! Link: women-in-magic-ally-network.mailerpage.io

A little spooked in my hotel room. When I woke up this morning, someone had clearly and obviously farted. I don't know if housekeeping came through while I was sleeping or something, but the whole situation just stinks.

Veggis baby

It’s about the gathering

There’s a dentist convention in town. This is gonna be a good con.

One time I didn't realize I put two copies of Nature's Lore in my deck because one was the secret lair. I thought to myself "whatever. Three Visits is a legal card and it's the same thing." But instead of saying that aloud to my friends, I murmured my way through the turn and someone pointed it out.

This game is insane. The format feels like survivor.

Neon Dynasty premier drafts are up. Not a drill.

How many praise breaks is normal for a commander game

The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers theme was fucking MIDI this whole time.

Is it wrong to catfish as my own personal assistant who doesn’t exist just to look cool in front of friends and family who want to hang out with me

Bad credit? No credit? I will be your friend.

Thinking about him 😪

Starting a Starfield run as Buzz Lightyear. This is what Bethesda games are for.

New phone bg so I can be reminded why I grind every day.

Love is Blind but for Magic where you have to tell me what you have cause I can't see.

there are friends and then there's "a buddy of mine." most of you mfs are a buddy of mine.

Feeling as likable as James Corden lately

I need to apologize to people who are in their thirties for all the smoke I sent your way while I was in my twenties. I feel so ancient and irrelevant and I’m not even halfway through this. Working on my will.

I love the feeling of beating decks whose sole purpose seems to be wasting time via control. Have a plan, jerk.

Add this to the list of decks I’m building just because the lil guy is cute.

As it turns out, singleton doesn’t mean you have one single kind of card in your magic commander deck. If anyone is looking for 99 copies of Forbidden Orchard, lmk.

Okay Bluesky my feed will now be presented in 3D

Difficult people: “I’m easy. Just make me a dvd.” You want me to author you a dvd in 2026.

Suddenly cats are willing to play ball with daylight savings time when it benefits them.