They're telling me the FIFA would've been 500, 600, even 900% worse under Biden.

You know what's cool about the Web? I found myself thinking about the Everybody Votes Channel, and sure enough, the results of every poll they ever ran were just a search away. If you were curious whether more male or female Wii users had a widescreen TV in August 2007, here's your answer.

I can't. My head is going to pop straight off of my neck. This can't be real. Please let me walk you through one of the FIRST puzzles found in 1995's The 11th Hour: The Sequel to The 7th Guest...

How is it that the Angry Video Game Nerd has been doing his thing for more than 20 years and he still hasn't covered The 11th Hour?

I've been re-watching Wentworth. As happy as I am that I'm not in a maximum-security Australian prison, I'd be lying if I said I'm not just a little sad that life on the outside doesn't come with many opportunities to shout about "laggin' to the screws."

Jazz Jackrabbit is important to me in the way that only a game that comes out when you're six years old can be. The same goes for the people behind it. It's so good to see Cliff getting introspective; grappling with the ego and alcohol that have been poisoning his work and life for much too long.

Learning that Shigeru Miyamoto feels exactly the same way about Yoshi's Island that I do is just one of numerous fantastic discoveries found in this 1996 conversation he had with Kenji Eno. Who knew Aquanaut's Holiday was such a hot topic? shmuplations.com/miyamotoxeno/

Shut up! Yeah, I like dinosaurs, but I don't LIKE like them! I meant that I like dinosaurs, as a friend.

Ha ha ha! The carpenter from Donkey Kong is a MAN who JUMPS!!! I JUST got that.

Why aren't murderers recording their murders? It's not enough that cameras are already everywhere, recording everything from multiple angles. We MUST buy body-mounted cameras for murderers, as well as paying for classes where we can teach them the importance of capturing their murders on video.

END ICE NOW

I understand feeling numb, feeling defeated, not having the words to say after another ICE murder. Protests, investigations, and legal actions, however, have weakened ICE. Not as much as I'd like, but undoubtedly enough to make some difference. To save lives. Silence, meanwhile, gets us nowhere.

It's no secret that his movies didn't always make me laugh. Still, I'm going to miss the times Sam Neill and I spent passing laws when the cameras weren't rolling.

What do "Back the Blue" dorks do when they get pulled over? Do they just thank the officer in person, or are they mailing a handwritten card?

I've just learned that Democrats refused to fund body cams for ICE, and that's the problem. That is the only problem. Illegals are invading our country, and Democrats didn't pay to put cameras on state-sponsored murderers. Case closed.

Ohhhhhhh, boy. Scrolling through Nextdoor the day after a local ICE murder was a mistake.

If a business student pitches a move that's as plainly boneheaded as the decisions we see every day from real CEOs at the world's biggest corporations, what kind of feedback do they get from their peers and instructors? In the days before pitches and feedback came from chatbots, I mean.

I was trying to read the latest Microsoft news when all the word blurred before my eyes, and all I could see was the smug, sweating face of Mark Mazut's/They Might Be Giants' capitalist snowman.

I watched the first episode and didn't laugh. I did, however, learn the origin story of Elle Woods' little dog.

It's not about expression It's not about the art It's all about making those big dollars

There's just no way anything in the Legally Blonde prequel series is as funny as... 1. The existence of a Legally Blonde prequel series. 2. The phrase, "From the World of Legally Blonde."

You know how every person you meet in Zelda's Wild Breath, young and old, still has nothing more pressing to discuss than what the bad guy did 100 years ago?

So excited to see who attends Taylor Swift's wedding! I wonder if the high school student she dated while she was in her twenties is on the guest list.

When was the last time these United States had a full week without a monumental catastrophe or embarrassment? I hope things get better after the midterms, but I'm also concerned with how much worse things will get before then. Perhaps we could act to prevent that.

I dreamed that I got sent back in time to 1990, and then I started yelling at everybody because I spotted an anachronistic ad for 1998's Richie Rich'$ Christmas Wish on the side of a cardboard shipping box for some kind of canned food. Dreams are stupid.

Yay! Clean bill o' health! Well, the chronic illness is still there, and I feel like garbage after all the prep and anesthetic, but I guess they didn't find any new problems, which is good enough for me.

The World Cup should go to whichever team's fans write and record the best song, which is to say the 1998 English team should be now and forever undefeated.

Unpopular opinion, but truthfully, I don't enjoy preparing for a colonoscopy.

Understand?

Why do massive corporations ruin everything they touch? I'm thinking of an economic system. It starts with the letter C. C... Cccccccc-something-ism... Hold on, it's on the tip of my tongue... www.videogameschronicle.com/news/ori-dir...

"Well, in bowling ability."

I've watched this clip so many times over so many years because I give so many rips about Keen and Prince. I fell in love with Keen IV years before I had a computer with a sound card. When we did finally upgrade to external speakers, it was like playing a new game. Bobby was a legend.

I just reread Animal Farm for the first time since the last Trump administration, and my takeaway remains the same: This book was supposed to be a warning, not an instruction manual.

I don't know who discovered that water from a can of garbanzo beans can be turned into a vegan whipped cream or meringue. I'm glad they shared that knowledge with the world, though. It seems like forbidden knowledge. The kind of thing that would get your liver forever picked out by an eagle.

Yesssssss! With the British children banished, we can finally use profanity on social media! Anyone want to join me for some swear words?

I gave The Godfather a shot last night and was surprised to find it bore the heck out of me. Without it, though, would we have this, one of the best Tea Cozies songs? Who's to say?

My sister has this radical notion that people over the age of 60 are still people. I mean, it sounds like a perfectly sensible notion to me, but considering the rates of abuse, including self-neglect, I guess not everyone agrees.

I haven't followed enough live video game new coverage this summer to even say whether or not Giant Bomb is still using this song, but apparently the time of year is enough to lodge it in my head, anyway.

We have never had a trillionaire before. Today is Day One. While excessive, immoral wealth is nothing new, "trillionaire" is an identity without precedent. Now—right now—is when we establish the rules for where they fit into our society. This level of greed deserves nothing short of abject misery.

Long-haired freaky people will be shot on sight.

Nintendo contracts outside developers to use internally developed intellectual property often enough (e.g., Velan Studios' Star Fox). When was the last time Nintendo remade someone else's game? It's been too long since we got something like SimCity or Twin Snakes. Well, maybe not Twin Snakes.

I'm done being cynical about the 250th anniversary. If the world's worst people want to celebrate their hubris directly under an outdoor, X-shaped target so large and bright it would be impossible for any overhead pilot or drone to miss, who am I to complain?

I can't believe I have to explain to Sega that Dr. Robotnik wasn't the hero of Sonic the Hedgehog. His Bean Machine was never nice.

Huh. An hour later, my internal D.J. has decided to go in a very different direction.

Did you ever get a song in your mind?

I told my gastroenterologist that the problem with my current Crohn's prescription is that it doesn't have a good song. He said, "What's the one with pretty girl singing on the commercial?" I laughed and said, "All of them?" He said, "No, I can't remember which one it is. She's REALLY pretty."

Donkey Kong 64 should have been enough to settle any Nintendo 64 vs. PlayStation debates. Not because it's the best or most representative game of its generation, but because holy golden bananas, can you imagine if this had PlayStation loading times?

Remember the story of a woman getting targeted ads or coupons or whatever for pregnancy products before she knew she was pregnant? Was that real, or was it just a clever lie to sell businesses on the wisdom and knowledge of The Algorithm?