The people hurt the most by the end of mail-in voting are our deployed troops.

I easily threw up at least 100 times over the last three. This stomach bug has been awful.

This is one of those things that has been at the back of my mind for decades ... parallels in the covers for the first four long-play albums by the Clash and the Replacements.

How does ICE catch anyone with all that gear on?

The Minnesota Lynx own the WNBA.

If he dies, Project 2025 lives on. That should be the focus.

The meanest thing I can say to my older brother is to remind him that he was born in Oklahoma.

My oldest is a great student and a golden girl. My youngest is more complicated, but she might be smarter than her sister.

When I was in middle school, I thought it was funny to go on people's porches and rearrange their furniture. I'd get shot doing that today.

I was trained at a young age to leave the toilet seat down. I'm also single.

The thing I believe the least in is karma.

There was a great rap song for kids based on "don't touch the floor it's hot lava" and I've never been able to find it again.

Taco Bell mild sauce was too spicy for my step-dad. He was a true Minnesotan.

The ACAB argument gets stronger every day.

Giving away Alaska would help the Democrats. Just saying.

I don't wear a seatbelt because going through the windshield is the quickest way to avoid the danger.

My hobbies are hiking, cycling, and bombing on #Bluesky.

I switched to the oven because I didn't have to put a shirt on.

I look terrible in pink and I would never waste a sandwich. Am I out of the Resistance?

I want to support The Shins because Albuquerque, but I find their music too whiny.

(1998?) I went to a record store and asked what happened to the ska section. The guy behind the desk said "nobody listens to ska". That guy is a member of The Shins.

The only injury I ever cheered for was Bret Favre's. History will forgive me.

They are going to deport the Chinese communist panda bears from the National Zoo.

I read so many books when my phone was broken.

Saw some footage from war torn Ukraine and their trains are so much better than ours.

Caitlin Clark is the most overrated player since Tim Tebow, and both for the same reason.

Had huevos rancheros for breakfast. I'll be invincible while the red and green chile battle it out in my stomach.

Muddy Muddy Bostones.

Happy International Left-Handers Day. I have a mean left hook, but I can't take a punch.

I'm running for President on the campaign promise that I will never play golf.

Over 100 years later, we have to get everyone on the record on women's suffrage.

I never got my junior year yearbook because I bought a black light instead.

The secret to my shrimp scampi is a tablespoon of caper brine.

Kash Patel sits on phone books to get his hair cut.

Had to go to war for my youngest because I know what it is like to be the younger sibling of an excellent student.

I once pulled a butt muscle bowling. It hurt for two weeks. I was in my late 20's.

The older I get, the more I use the block button. #GetOffMyLawn.

The Smithsonian is amazing, but I was impressed by the walk-thru Popeyes chicken they had. #DC

Shake it like a can of Pounce.

Washington DC isn't a state. What National Guard is Trump trying to call in?

Minnesota Lynx ruining your party, WNBA. Again.

All the states in between also royally suck.

I always wondered if you could get an answer right on Jeopardy if you asked the wrong question. Like, "who is the Lusitania?" instead of, "what is the Lusitania?".

The best first date idea I have is to meet at the animal shelter and walk dogs together.

He was the worst boss I ever had. Then he got sober. Now we chat on FB.

I know someone who self-deported. I'm not handling it well. She is a great person, a hard worker, and was an asset to this Country.

Man, sometimes water tastes really good.

Dang. My most maga hating neighbor moved away.

My oldest thinks she's valedictorian and my youngest starts high school tomorrow. She already thinks she wants to be pathologists. How did I end up with these creatures?

I just found out my ex got married. I want her to be happy. Turns out he voted for Trump. My youngest just thinks he's dumb.