Making soup because these onions aren't French.

My mum making me meet random people she hasn't seen in decades Them: I knew you as a baby! Me: um.... Goo goo ga ga?

Used to be able to afford to go for a drive to clear my mind. Now I just have to walk into the forest and yell at birds to clear my mind.

Trying to be a better person and be lactose tolerant. This is diarrhoea of acceptance .

Starting a new podcast called "Are you Mad at Me?" and occasionally we'll have the guest on another podcast called "Why are you Mad at Me?"

Netflix had "Netflix and Chill", but I'm still confused why HBO Max didn't use "HBO Max and Climax" as a slogan.

I'm sorry I can't go out tonight. I have a carton of milk that's about to expire and I need to be there for moral support.

Tu es une star pour ceux qui t'aiment.

The first person who shot fish in a barrel "GUYS! GUYS! YOU GOTTA SEE HOW EASY THIS IS!"

Its been a very long time since my last post as I've been scared to upload tee hee, but recently I've gotten into creature design and been having so much fun with it!

I'm proud of you all. *Points* Especially you.

The worst part about listening to Jesus tell The Parable of the Good Samaritan was he refused to do voices for each of the characters in the story.

Me working at my first bank robbery as a hostage negotiator

On the street asking rich people if they would like to open a joint bank account with me

Lady in the Mitsubishi who didn't give me the courtesy wave when I let her pass through the road bottleneck first.

Drinking a litre of milk is its own fortune cookie. "The future sayeth your toilet shall soon be blowth upeth. Bring towels"

When I die please delete my browsing history of the repeated searches of "How do you spell diarrhoea"

Got a new job at the razor blade factory. They're going to make a Flamin' Hot style biography movie about me in 20 years time as the guy who recommended a sixth blade on the razors.

Parents: Have a good flight Me: I really don't like all this pressure you're putting on my right now

When Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, what were they thinking when they let the horses attempt to put him back together again?

Putting meatloaf in my empty toothpaste tubes so I can eat my lunch on the go.

When I die I'm going to be cremated and then the leftover micro plastics in me turned into toys for children.

Toilet stalls with coat hooks on them. You know some serious business is planned to go down here.

Sounding like I'm receiving poison damage while cleaning around the house "Oooh....ahhh....oof....eugh....uhhhh....ow..."

My intro to RTS games.

Rushing Mitch McConnell to the set so we can start filming the Weekend at Bernie's remake.

Getting all my sex moves from a Bop It

Living in the swamp of sadness but that's just what I call my bed.

Getting drunk and telling my grandkids about all the fucked up shit I saw in a Toys R Us store as a kid.

Moved into a chest of drawers someone left out the front of their house for the garbage man to collect. Rent is $1200 a week.

Eating spaghetti thinking about how great it is to eat spaghetti

Had people over my house and they saw my toilet and now they know where I poop and I'm now setting the house of fire and moving to another country.

Donating my draw full of cords to science when I die.

Bird watching like Dirty Harry peeking into a window. Full enthusiasm.

I could never get into The Soprano's because the thought of a father from the 00's going to therapy is just super unrealistic.

Making dinner #DoingItForSchneider

Just standing in line acting natural

Birds I saw on my run today 1. Masked Lapwing 2. Dusky Morhen 3. Magpie-Lark (early bird is getting the worm) 4. Australasian Swamphen 5. Maned Duck 6. Australian Ibis aka Bin Chicken I also got some sound recordings of some Rainbow Lorikeets and some Musk Lorikeets

This is Raffa. Raffa doesn't like leaving the house unless he has a balloon to keep him safe.

Found a cool store today called Vicious Video. It was like going back in time to my youth!

Keeping myself warm in winter by putting a loaf of freshly baked bread in my pants

Deleted scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory where Grandpa Joe pushed Charlie into the chocolate river for mentioning to Willy Wonka Grandpa Joe had lived in a bed with 3 other people for the last 18 years.

Watching someone on the train like a spy movie, but it's because I know them and I don't want to talk to them.

Vote for me and I will mandate fire work displays every night before bed.

Now at that age where if a car is parked outside my house past 6pm I like to look out my kitchen window and glare at it while muttering to myself how this neighbourhood is going to hell.

Flexing my athleticism by power walking past 80 year olds with walkers on the footpath.

In a race to see what wakes me up first each morning. The existential dread that gives overwhelming anxiety or the sounds of my phone alarm.

Gonna start calling the guy named Gary at work Garold because it's rude not to use his full name.

Wearing my heart on my sleeve, dying in the gutter.

3rd Gundham is done! Onto the Master Grade one next!