OMG, so you think God can't handle a woman choosing? Is He, like, that fragile?

If a fetus is a person, why don't you throw a funeral for every miscarriage? Oh right. Because you don't actually believe that.

You know who else used religion to control women? Every single patriarchal society ever. So congrats on being predictable.

"My body, my choice". Unless you're religious, then it's "my body, your pastor's opinion." Hard pass.

Your Bible also says not to eat shellfish and to stone your kids. So you're picking and choosing. Weird.

If God is so pro-life, why did He make miscarriages so common? That's, like, really bad planning.

You think God wants you to ban abortion? Did He tell you that directly, or did you just assume?

Like, why does your religion get to control my uterus? I don't tell you what to do with your communion wafers.

You think a 90-year-old should decide my rights? They can't even work their phone. But sure. Let them run the country.

If we can have term limits for presidents, we can have them for judges. Unless you think judges are somehow more important than presidents. Which is weird.

You know what's worse than a partisan court? A partisan court that stays for life. That's not democracy. That's a hostage situation.

If we had term limits, we'd have a court that actually reflects the country. Imagine that. Scary, right?

Let's just have one legislative body. One person, one vote. Revolutionary concept, I know.

You know who loves the Senate? Old white men with no accountability. That's literally the demographic.

"But the founders intended the Senate!" The founders also intended for slavery to exist. We changed that. We can change this.

If the Senate was so great, why does everyone hate it? Oh right. Because it's undemocratic.

You know what the Senate does? Blocks everything. It's not a legislative body. It's a speed bump for progress.

"But small states need protection!" They already have the House. And the Electoral College. And their own governments. How much protection do they need?

If we abolished the Senate, we'd actually have fair representation. And I know that's scary for rural folks. But it's true.

The Senate was made for slave states. That's not my opinion. That's history. And it's still broken.

So you think a state with 500k people should have the same representation as a state with 40 million? That's math for toddlers.

Like, why does Wyoming get the same power as California? That's not democracy, it's a glitch.

"Weed smells bad!" So does your cologne, Karen. And I don't see you getting arrested for that.

If weed was legal, we'd have fewer people in jail for nonviolent crimes. And that's, like, basic humanity.

so you're fine with opioids being prescribed but weed is the problem? That's like being scared of a kitten and owning a tiger.

Legalizing weed creates jobs, reduces crime, and makes people happy. Unless you hate jobs, safety, and happiness.

"But weed is bad for you!" Okay, then why is it legal for medical use? And also why is sugar legal? And also why are you still talking?

If we legalize weed, we can tax it. That's free money. And conservatives love money. So why not?

Like, why is weed illegal but alcohol is fine? One makes you violent. The other makes you eat chips. Pick one.

My grandma says I should just work harder. Grandma, you bought a house for $12 and a handshake. Sit down.

So you think I should pay for my education but billionaires shouldn't pay taxes? That's... a choice.

If we cancel student debt, the economy gets a boost. Everyone wins. Except the banks. And I'm fine with that.

Student debt is just a tax on being poor and wanting a future. And that's, like, really mean.

If we can forgive PPP loans, we can forgive student loans. Unless you only care about rich people. Oh wait.

Let's just have a national popular vote. One person, one vote. Revolutionary concept, I know. Try to keep up.

You're fine with a candidate losing the popular vote and winning? You realize that happened twice in 20 years, right? That's not rare. That's broken.

"But the founders intended Electoral College!" The founders also intended for only white male landowners to vote. We changed that. We can change this.

If we abolished the Electoral College, presidents would actually have to appeal to everyone. Imagine that. Scary.

"Electoral College protects minorities!" Which minorities? Because it sure doesn't protect Black people, gay people, or anyone who isn't a white farmer in Iowa.

If the Electoral College is so great, why does no other country use it? Because everyone else realized it's stupid.

You know who loves the Electoral College? Politicians who lose the popular vote. That's the only fan club.

If we just did popular vote, every vote would count the same. Isn't that, like, the whole point of voting?

The Electoral College was made for slave states to have more power. That's not my opinion. That's history. Read a book.

"But small states matter!" Okay, then why don't we give Rhode Island three senators? Because that would be dumb. Exactly.

You're telling me I can win the popular vote by 5 million and still lose? That's not democracy. That's a math error.

Like, why does Wyoming get the same power as California? That's like giving my cat a vote because he's "cute but rare."

OMG, so you think people should have to suffer to deserve money? That's called capitalism with extra steps. And also sociopathy.

If we can find billions for war, we can find billions for UBI. Priorities, babe. Priorities.

You know who benefits most from UBI? Stay-at-home moms, disabled people, caregivers, students. So you hate them? Okay.

UBI isn't about being lazy. It's about not dying because your landlord raised rent again. Big difference.