just stubbed my demi lovatoe at the demi lovato concert

im BACK…. and im colton!

them: you better not be the greatest donkey of all time when i get there my goat ass:

and im going idc how much it costs

just found out there’s a movie about horny gay cannibals featuring parker posey #iclaim

sorry guys, my mind was playing tricks on me! does anyone wanna meet at the double r diner later?

THERES A FUCKING HORSE IN THE LIVING ROOM

pedal to the metal petal to the medal… pedal to the medal…… petal to the metal……… peter to the meg…………

inside every man there is a colton

colton big guy pants okay

teehee

does anyone know of any direct flights to kingdom hearts?

stream tate mcrae or take a picture in front of the billie eilish truck

lemme get a box with a black bean crunchwrap, a soft potato taco, cheesy fiesta potatoes, and a large baja blast. also can i please get some hot and fire sauce? thanks

oomf made the fatal mistake of casually bringing up nicole kidman in front of me…

going ✈️ eiffel tower! also im going to france 🇫🇷

was eating in central park, looked down, saw him

missed flight

life is all about spending 300 dollars on board games in the span of 5 days

i’m so hungry i could trade my kingdom for a horse

(looking off in the distance) getting some serious kubrikesque vibes here

have any of you seen southland tales? i need to talk about southland tales. someone talk about southland tales w me.

Two bugs and a love bug

and just like that finale so horrendous i quite genuinely feel a panic attack coming on……………..

#mood (i dont smoke)

but then sometimes you meet someone who watches like 2-3 movies a day regularly and youre like “okay so thats not what life’s all about”

sometimes i wanna read a book really bad but its impossible to find and it’s only months later i remember i work at a library that will order any book i want… just happened!

vanessa hudgens explaining her trip to europe: basically what we’re gonna do is france

accidentally invited two swingers into my bf and i’s apartment

i think about her every day

4 most recent 😵‍💫

so if alvin of alvin and the chipmunks fame has canonically seen pink flamingos, what else has he watched? where do we draw the line? salo? im sure hes seen it. wait why hasnt there been an alvin and the chipmunks movie in so long? is it bc the last one flopped? make a remake of salo w the chipmunks

eddie brock? more like venom ..hahahhahahhahahahahahahahaha . venom? more like eddie brock ..ahahhahahahahahhah…

HELP!!!!!!!!!!! URGENT!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!! is what i would say if i needed help. luckily things are fine right now

talking about the concept of “being cunt” with the jiffy lube woman changing my oil

the thing i miss most about being single is opening grindr in a public venue solely to play i spy

had epic night out w bloomfs 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 tonight. bloomf 6 went his own way halfway through but he was there in my heart

i have a theory that if your last name starts with e you are destined for success

need to rewatch a nightmare on elm street part 2: freddys revenge before pride month is over :(

life is all about movies! sometimes you just watch a movie and youre like “yeah! this is what life’s all about!”

нαναηα σσн ηα ηα❤️

feeling stuck professionally

making my book club a plate of nachos like the world has never seen

Just seeing this now

just found out ken jennings is a mormon

switch 2 delivery truck has been two blocks from apartment for an hour COME TO ME PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS

overcompensating tooooooooo good and now i have to wait til next year for season 2 FUCK MY GAY LIFE 😡

carrie i cant keep defending you.