Abraham Lincoln: "Melania" was the worst experience I've ever had in a theater!"

Hmmm, sounds familiar.

I hear every time Brett Ratner called "Action!", Melania got on her knees.

🖕🧊

Bruising controversy solved!

In today's hilariously ironic episode of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Republicans are falsely claiming Biden and the DOJ were prosecuting trump as a political move - all the while, donald trump just posted on Lie Social that Pam Bondi should prosecute Jack Smith, as puerile revenge.

Live look at Trump's Board of Peace:

Trump's Board of Peace is like trump himself- a contradiction in terms. One day he wants peace. The next, he either threatens or bombs a country. The next, he whines about the Nobel Peace Prize. The next, he makes more threats. The next, he claims he's the biggest peacemaker on Earth. He needs help.

Bingo. Greenland problem solved.

He can't tell the difference between Greenland and Iceland. He thinks windmills are melevelant. He thinks he can buy a country as easily as any other piece of property. Any woman that says "No" to him rubs him the wrong way. He makes the US a laughingstock. He's a senile and dangerous human.

The bottom line is this. If Jonathan Ross felt so threatened by Renee Good that he had to kill her, he's too fragile to be in law enforcement.

Since MAGA is fine with ICE being given "absolute immunity", this means they'll still be cool with it once Democrats get back into power. Right?

Indeed.

Good question.

RIP Renee Nicole Good. Another innocent victim of the most disgusting, dishonest administration in history.

Your "peace president". Fuck the trump administration.

Deja Vu.

So if Nicolás Maduro gets convicted of, say, 34 felonies, does that qualify him to serve as our next president? Just checking.

This you, Tulsi?

We can add murder and kidnapping to the list of charges against him after this unprovoked US aggression in Venezuela. At what point are Republicans going to grow enough of a spine and testicles to remove this homegrown threat from power?

In MAGA world, it's sacrilegious for Mayor Mamdani to be sworn in on the Quran as Mayor of New York City, but it's perfectly alright for trump to not place his hand on any book at all when being sworn in as president. Yeah, ok.

The Jack Smith transcript is everyone's New Year's present. Can't wait for the ketchup to start flying from the orange manbaby.

Happy New Year to everyone except 1) the entire trump criminal cabal, 2) the ultra wealthy and celebrities who enable his illegal actions, 3) the MAGA lemmings who spread his lies (all of whom belong to a homegrown terrorist organization), and 4) the supermajority of the GOP, who defend pedophiles.

What do Greenland, Venezuela and Nigeria have in common? 🙄

Sums MAGA up perfectly.

Sums MAGA up perfectly.

Watch out, Venezuela.

Translation - "Everything in these Epstein files are true except for anything with Trump's name." 🙄 FFS.

Makes sense to me.

Introducing the USS Bone Spurs. Comes complete with its' own ballroom.

One more time - the deleted CBS CECOT piece. Watch while you can.

I'll take "Things trump would never say in a million years" for $1000, Alex.

Best Epstein files tweet ever?

You can redact all you want, but we can all read between the lines.

In trump math, Pam Bondi and the DOJ reduced the number of words in the Epstein files by 400%, 500%, even 600%!

Monday: Mass Shooting. Tuesday: Mass Shooting. Wednesday: Mass Shooting. Thursday: Mass Shooting. Friday: Mass Shooting. Saturday: Mass Shooting. Sunday: Mass Shooting. Republicans: “We gotta do something about trans people playing sports.”

The only thing missing from trump's speech was "Live from New York, it's Saturday night!"

The trump meter broke tonight.

Pinocchio's nose just grew so long from that speech, it reached Venezuela.

His latest diversion from the Epstein files with less than 72 hours until the deadline for their release. Don't be distracted.

Perfect illustration of trump's America.

Every day you think Donald Trump can't stoop any lower, he does just that. He is the living embodiment of humanity's worst traits. He has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and no one with any semblance of common sense or decency will mourn him when his time comes.

I see MAGA celebrating the death of Rob Reiner. Guess what. Rob Reiner was a thousand times more patriotic, honest, entertaining and caring than Charlie Kirk could ever have hoped to be. RIP Rob Reiner. You're a true American.

I find it absolutely hysterical that the party that constantly complains about Obamacare has yet to write a single sentence explaining exactly what they would replace it with. Are you still at the "concept of a plan" stage after all these years?

Congratulations to Eileen Higgins for winning the Miami mayoral race, the first Democrat since 1998 and the first woman ever to be elected to that position. For those keeping track of mayoral races: First New York, now Miami. Blue tsunami. 🌊🌊🌊

Congratulations to RFK Jr on winning the FIFA world prize for medicine! 😆🖕