Me too! I'd like a coach load everywhere I go.

Gonna pick up the new 2nd hand car. Beep beep!

I wish to be known as Zhivago Jonny from now on.

Quite sobering to think that approximately one quarter of the population will be dictating government policy due to the fact the rest of us can't get our shit together and all pull in the same direction.

Happy Tuesday you pancake zealots.

Wordle 1,704 4/6 🟩⬜⬜⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Wordle 1,703 4/6 🟨⬜⬜🟨⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

It's amazing how I can start a conversation on pot holes and quickly shift it to thermo nuclear war. On a more positive note, it didn't get dark until six this evening.

Del monte prunes are on offer in Morrisons. Should any of you be in need of a good shit.

Will the roads ever be fixed properly? I just can't see it myself.

Wordle 1,702 3/6 🟩⬜⬜⬜⬜ 🟩🟨⬜⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Tea, toast and opiates ftw.

Wordle 1,701 3/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜🟩🟨⬜🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Got a box of codeine sulphate. Break out the prunes.

I suppose it would be frowned upon to go to the chip shop under the circumstances.

I'm poorly. Wordle 1,700 6/6 ⬜🟨⬜⬜⬜ ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩 ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩 ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩 ⬜🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Oh no, Jim Ratcliffe is an even bigger cunt than I already thought he was.

Big up to the NHS staff today. Outstanding 👍

They've had an armful of blood.

Bumbaclaat behind the knee.

The ultrasound guy is cool as fuck. Hence the name.

There's a certain department hiring cunts en masse.

A get well card for @frmo.bsky.social. Too soon? In bad taste? If so, then it's very on brand for everybody's favourite Uncle Knuckles.

Still in agony.

Has anyone ever won anything using the wangaroo method?

Twat.

I've got some of those anti embolism stockings. I look like Prince Regent.

Well, the luggage murders were an open and shut case.

Nine pound fucking sixty for ten fucking tablets.

On a more positive note, at least it's not January.

72 hours is the maximum waiting time for a medical professional to get back to me. I could be dead by then.

How to explain Vimpto to foreigners.

Just been round Lidl, clinging on to the trolly, being followed by a security guards. If he thinks I'm gonna do a runner he is very much mistaken. Plus, I tend to pay for my shopping.

I'm in fucking agony.

My Hall at Uni had a little record book, kept by the senior student. Most were pretty unpleasant, but one was for "eating the most rich tea biscuits without having a drink" I think it stood at 13

There are many biscuits that are way better than rich tea and the only way to get a bit of enjoyment from a rich tea biscuit is to dunk it.

I'm thinking of starting a new boy band. It's called chip fat, if anyone's interested?

On twitter I enjoyed winding up the Brexity farage types. I feel it's something that's missing on here.

What does farage wear on his feet when on holiday? Scandals.

What a miserable day.

ffs

arg.

Sometimes, when I'm driving, I get angry and outraged at the stupidity of other drivers. So I turn my windscreen wipers on in a fit of rage.

Wordle is a losers game for people who probably have a stiff neck.

Righty tighty, lefty loosey.

Anyone fancy a punch up before bed, or are we all good?

I'll probably turn up at half nine, then go to the merchants for a coffee and then return only to find I have the wrong fitting, by which time it should be around lunch.

Tomorrow I will be masquerading as a plumber.