I'm going back to bed at the first available opportunity.

If you need a half decent celebrant west of Stoke, let me know.

My uncle Frank was Frankish.

I can confirm that all my ancestors were scousers. Apart from me gran.

Do you have blue fluff in your belly button?

I'm not staying up late tonight lads.

Roasting an' ting.

Log burner is going. I need to dehydrate.

Fresh up here.

Wet walk it is then.

Pens have gone. This is not good.

She's making a picnic FFS.

I've worked my bollocks off to provide the kitchen with twenty biros, 18 pencils, four screwdrivers and a wrench and quite frankly I'm outraged to be accused of cluttering up the work surfaces.

What's the point in being a free pen promoter if you don't have a few pens lying around?

Apparently we don't need twenty biro pens in the kitchen.

And this is why you are who you are. You have everything worked out. I'll have mine lightly Higgs Bosoned on one side and covered in Quarks on the other.

Bonjour.

During the first world war my grandfather lost a testicle to a piece of shrapnel whilst saving a comrade who had been shot. He went on to have five children.

Managed to go a whole three quarters of an hour this morning without annoying the wife.

Reasonable question.

Were attempting to grow some olive trees from cuttings.

Does the Houses of Parliament have a Hansard roof?

Amazingly, my blood pressure is down to 160 over 99 already. Whoop. Fish and chips tomorrow.

Not cold though, is it?

Instead of going to the chip shop I went for a walk around the beaver enclosure.

After listening to radio four earlier, it's reassuring to know that Lee Anderson is still an absolute fucking cunt.

The Morrisons mince pies are ok but not as good as the ones from Attingham Park.

I need to reduce my cholesterol. If I just eat the fish and not the batter, will that do?

I'm thinking of opening a greasy spoon café that doesn't take group bookings.

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I'm gonna start wearing salmon pink tee shirts and arming myself with baguettes.

Every time I go on to Facebook a little part of me dies.

Here’s an extract which shows how bad it is…

Life's too short to be nice to everyone.

You want some?

When @coldwarsteve.bsky.social begins bleeding into our reality.

I'm on rail business.

Australian teen charged with sticking googly eyes on artwork - BBC News share.google/a0GNS2HvObHS...

Peanut butter and strawberry jam on toast.

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Can you all have a whip round and pay for me to go to Morocco in January? It's important.

Nice Beaver super moon. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

I think it's probably a grossly underrated post and I hate myself for admitting that.

I wanna go to Blackpool and see the fried cheese lights.

The footballers were outnumbered by the dog poop.

I'd go as far as to say that it's perilous living in Pontypandy.

Any DIY questions? Nope? That's good news. See you next week. Cheers.