Society has such unrealistic beauty standards for women.. Luckily I don’t have to conform to any of them because I am naturally beautiful

My new daughter Psoriasis Harvard-Lynn, arrived yesterday..a true unconventional beauty. (A bit fugly but I am willing to see the beauty in her due to my open mind)…

My dear. How are you doing ? This is Bethenny (newly qualified receptionist) from the FBI... I know this will be a pleasant surprise to you because you were not expecting it. I have been instructed to release $2,500,000 to you as compensation for your assistance in the past. Call me back..

“The customer is always right” has never really been true if you really think about it.. they are never right.. unless I am the customer in question, of course.

Officer.. dear, I wasn’t speeding, I was facetiming (fiercely)

Hello Ms. Hiring manager..I am thrilled to apply for your PhD program. Ever since becoming a Harvard research scientist at age 9, all while acting, modeling, singing, dancing, professional DJing, and working as a celebrity chef, each experience has helped shape the woman I am today for this role

I am working with a team of scientists on creating a cigarette flavored low fat yogurt.

In my clinic, we maintain a long-standing tradition where we select a patient at random to beat the shit out of. This initiative has proven invaluable for staff motivation, morale, and workplace productivity .

Gwyneth Paltrow I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan

Actually - I can still live my life to the fullest without feeling the need to go camping up a mountain.

Darling…a 55-year-old diabetic diva sashays in with visual distortion & a big old dip in vision in one eye.. fluorescein angiography is spilling the tea with leakage from the neovascularization. What’s the tea on her diagnosis?

Sleeping beauty probably had a yeast infection laying in bed for years, she didn’t get up once to wash her pussy!

SpongeBob = neurodivergent, asexual, apolitical, sociophillic, queer platonic, mentally ill, spectrum 2 persona, queer, obsessive compulsive, histrionic persona, subjugation schema, pathological sociofunctionality. If you don’t get that you really missed the point of the show.

I just know Mona Lisa had a tight pussy

I think I might be obsessed with pouring cooking oil down the drain

Just got a call and I have been cast in Avengers Doomsday. I will play the sexy MILF doctor that graduated from Harvard via online classes and became a 6 figure freelance blogger, similar to my real life.

Fingering myself

Daughter: daddy daddy! why do you have a purse? Father: because fierce is fierce hunni Daughter: gaggg

A beautiful day outside, sun shining, sky is blue, and suddenly it just dawned on me: this whole time Queen Elizabeth had a pussy… omg

is listening to Who’s That Chick by Rihanna and David Guetta.. Headphones on, world off.

I really wish I had some metropolitan ice cream right now .. oh fuck 🫦

Yes, the rumours are true, I have sciatica