Every question is “why didn’t you do more about The Many Horrors” and every answer is “I hope you die today congressman”

My millennial ass reading this

Tim Scott calling it the “most racist thing to ever come out of this White House” is still one of the funniest things a Republican has said in the Trump years

Um Kenneth Walker sounds like Katt Williams and no one told me?

Back to back brutal Super Bowls for Drakes

Cris Collinsworth that Drake Maye was “finally” reading the Seattle defense an then Maye immediately threw two interceptions in like 9 seconds

“AI dot com slash Elon” is an awful thing to see but in a Super Bowl commercial it is a curse and a threat of dark forces

Rewatched “RENT” for the first time in a long while and why didn’t I notice before that most of these main characters are insufferable before?

My hot take is we should incorporate more firearms into the Summer Olympics as well. Gotta be a way to really jazz up cycling with some fucking rifles

It does not make sense to dedicate this much time to the first book. It’s not until Azkaban that you might need this much time. You could do 8 hours on 1 an 2 and it would still be roughly double the time the films did an then it’s all S2 for Azkaban

That 5 year old kid ICE detained spent more time in custody than anyone in the Epstein files

What an amazing way to accidentally make HPV present in 100% of sexually active adults. fox59.com/news/nationa...

Online right wing discourse is so broken and childish because some famous person will be like “we shouldn’t hate other people” and then someone will be like “uhhhh they have locks on their front door dont they? Libs are hypocrites”

Love it when the Person Who Knows All The Secrets™️ does something so horrifyingly scandalous with The Secrets that we can’t figure out how to hold them accountable because it would fuck up All The Secrets. Great system guys. Really crushing it

Jesus fucking Christ

I can’t believe school spent years emphasizing that I needed to learn to write so that I could sound professional in emails and work settings and every Epstein email is like “wow so cool to here about your island . can u let me come there 2 do sex crimes?”

Kristi Noem to Greg Bovino tonight

Everyone is like “when we get power back we need Miller and the rest on trial” and yeah we do but I don’t actually have faith that elected Dems will do it. Like I’m confident we can win elections against these fascist mutants again but I’m not confident at all in Dems following through on tribunals

Hopefully it never happens but if I’m ever unjustly executed by federal agents do not have a vigil where you’re all emotional unless that emotion is rage and everyone in attendance swears to dedicate their life to vengeance

People seeing protests in Minnesota getting stocked with food and water like “who is behind this??” have you guys never been to a church potluck?

No one talks about how being evil is lonely

So someone was like “go to Minnesota and arrest the Somalians” but it turns out most of them are here legally so ICE started harassing anyone they wanted and then people got mad and then ICE shot them. I get that right?

If the universe has a drop of kindness it’ll somehow make sure the Patriots lose to a backup QB today

A lot of people who talk about their Christian faith seem way too confident that they couldn’t possibly go to hell

a skilled ER nurse with a deep sense of civic responsibility is exactly the kind of person you want carrying a firearm. every ICE employee should be barred from touching anything deadlier than a butter knife for the rest of their natural lives.

I was in Ferguson after Michael Brown and myself and a bunch of press saw Ferguson PD fuck some folks up and one time this old dude from the area something I’ll never forget: “This is how they do it when there are cameras, imagine how they do it when y’all ain’t around”

2022-2024 thought it was special but you’ve never even imagined how much 2026-2028 will exhaust you. My tummy hurts already

I know this isn’t the time but fuck Jill Stein by the way

It’s just all so fucking bleak

That new angle is even worse and we are going to see people who fetishize gun ownership look right into the camera and say this guy deserved it just for being near ICE with a gun

It’s just so crystal clear what happened and they are just going to lie right to our faces about it (evergreen)

They disarmed him and then put him on his knees, beat him, and then executed him

One funny thing that is consistent for all these guys is they simply do not understand the movies they watch

IFYKYK

Some personal news: today was my last day at UFCW Local 655. It was an incredible ten years and I’m thrilled to start the next thing. The next thing? I don’t know yet. DM me if you know someone who wants to hire a talented and hard-working comms professional who tells bad jokes

Homie got absolutely nothing and is doing victory labs. Truly one of our greatest fabulists, a carnival barker of legendary proportions, a con man of almost unrivaled stature.

“The invasions will continue until the Peace Prize is awarded” is admittedly very funny while also being quite bleak

Sorry to inform you all that this thread is a pretty good metaphor for ***gestures broadly at everything***

Collectively this current political climate is what we deserve but individually what did I do to deserve this

One of my priors is that things are really bad if I am coming across news related to the bond market.

Not a huge fan of violence against your political opponents but the FAFO crowd doesn’t seem to understand that screaming actual Nazi shit in public might result in someone wanting to kick their ass

Can someone explain the whole milk thing to me I feel like I’m losing my mind

I have about 6 jokes for this and none of them can go on the Internet forever

Pro Tip: If you have family members who are really into American history and practicing Christians you can bring a dinner to a screeching halt by asking them when they realized that most of the Founding Fathers are in hell

Just a reminder that a bruise is the result of blood vessels bursting under your skin So I’m pretty sure what they are saying here is he has a bruise

Do you guys remember Critical Race Theory?

On the one hand she was shot by a guy who defended the Proud Boys but on the other hand did you know she was on a SCHOOL BOARD which linked people to DOCUMENTS