My 77-year-old dad, over dinner tonight: “I think I’m going to become an influencer, but I need to decide what kind.” Me: “You should be a looksmaxxer.” My dad: “No, I’ve already achieved that.”

I just got a rejection for a short story I submitted to a journal four years ago.

I’m again being invited to random, anonymous local orgies on MeetUp. The US is truly in free fall.

I’m living through a genocide-threatening president, a wider than ever wealth gap, and a criminally awful administration, and yet I’m also trying to manage a writers’ workshop for locals in an allegedly haunted 200-year-old house. Honestly, bring on the ghost. Please. We need it now.

So it’s Taco Tuesday? I mean, 1. phew, but 2. what a horrifically dangerous jackass we have in charge.

April is the coolest month.

I keep forgetting that NASA is sending people to the moon today.

Corporate newspeak has shortened "reschedule" to "resch," and it's driving me up various walls.

I’m booksmaxxing this weekend.

I'd like to teleport to a Waffle House right now. Is there anyone in FEMA who can help me with that?

Why is Wayfair selling a blackjack table for babies?

I’ve just learned that Athens, Georgia, USA has a car wash that doubles as an antique shop.

If I were the McDonald's CEO, I would've shoved that whole thing in my mouth at once.

Sorry I didn't email you back sooner -- I was having play time.

The University of Georgia has long hosted a chapter of the Demosthenian Society—a prestigious debate club, as per its namesake—but I want to start a chapter of the Diogenesian Society, which is all about criticizing everyone, never bathing, defying societal norms, and living out of an old barrel.

“The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today.” ~Seneca the Younger, ‘On the Shortness of Life’ #SundaySentence

In America today, the plants crave electrolytes.

Bad news for the state of Georgia! The season is such that we now have to address The Pollening.

Thinking of proposing an AWP panel for next year called, "Kids These Days: Am I Right?" It'll just be five writers harping about looksmaxxing, aura, 6-7, things being mid, and so on. Let me know if you'd like to join!

Everyone should be worried because I'm working tirelessly to invent three-factor authentication.

The genius business model of Apple is that once or twice a month, they'll just email you a receipt for like $0.99 for something you didn't even know you were paying for.

I just heard someone use the word "brotesque," and now I'm going to start using it, too.

When I donate my body to science, science will immediately advance by at least several hundred years.

America hungers for a remake of Teen Wolf 2 with Timothée Chalamet playing the teen wolf.

Why does my next door neighbor have to be a bass player who always uses the amp? The world needs to change, y’all, in many more ways than one.

In my adult work office eating a corn dog and a cup of pho like some kind of eccentric toddler.

Are we completely sure that humans aren’t supposed to hibernate during winter? Because sometimes my body feels like we should be doing that.

Me at the grocery store: "Yes, hi, I'd like to buy a grocery."

Call me, Ishmael.

I’m teaming up with RedBull to drive ten below the speed limit tomorrow on I-85 into Atlanta in the left lane. Excited to see how this pans out.

I'm working to develop the strongest password the world has ever seen.

I received a voicemail earlier from an unknown number that just said, “Yeah, no” before hanging up. I’m intrigued, but also, I feel you, man. It’s okay.

I think we should create more winter Olympic biathlons, like bobsled ski jumping and figure skating downhill races.

Is it weird that we've invented so many different ways to bobsled?

Why are Alvin & the Chipmunks always wearing those turtleneck toga things?

My cat has learned to flush the toilet on his own. This is a disaster for my water bill.

My dream is to someday streak the Winter Olympics.

The Winter Olympic sport I'd most like to avoid ever having to do is the skeleton luge.

Wearing one of those Bad Bunny grass suits around the office today.

Mouse is on his heated sleeping pad, sound asleep. I hope to feel this way, too, later tonight.

I received an emailed invitation today through MeetUp for a “community wide” orgy that promises to maintain a very “laid back and casual vibe,” and it’s making me realize how little I know about orgies in general.

Our building's lobby has a new air freshener, labeled "Holiday Sweets," that's making the place smell like an Indian restaurant. I don't mind it.

Mouse looking down at me from his cat tree between trying—literally—to pull framed pictures off of the walls last night.

I hope Tyler never stops creating.

I just hope I get to have the zoomies someday. Seems fun.

It’s snowing heavily now. Athens, Georgia (USA) isn’t ready for this.

Honk if the way I’m driving hurts your precious feelings!

I've used every password I could think of. My brain is now out of new passwords.

A friend of mind, @djpoissant.bsky.social, has a beautiful flash piece in the Cincinnati Review today. Just stunning. www.cincinnatireview.com/micros/heart/

I just sent an email to myself (I sometimes use them as reminders), and my office computer is asking whether or not I trust the sender. I'm not sure how to respond.