This was funnier to me when I thought it was Ben Shapiro admitting to being bad at writing

What the fuck? Is there a script for posts with emoji instructions?

Emma Watson drives 38 in a 30 and somehow she’s a disgusting, inconsiderate, probably murderous monster. I gotta stop using the internet. I shouldn’t even know that Emma Watson drives a car

I would like to speak to the manager of life. It should not be allowed for both parents to get sick at the same time.

Trying to play Blue Prince, but my daughter keeps waking up from her nap, so now I have forty screenshots of random pieces of paper with dates, and I can’t remember which ones I’ve tried in which safes, and _this_ change is permanent, but now I need the sledgehammer again?!

It seems Tesla is detecting vehicles that may have problems, and artificially running their odometers faster so the warranty expires before they have to do any service Just incredible grift

Fuckin A. To see the current state of the world, and then see that something called “Murderbot” is trending. Gonna have a heart attack

I don’t think I’ve seen a more unintentionally funny headline. I hope the onion writes an article with the exact same copy