One more sleep until Friday. Hooman counting down. I'm counting down. Synchronized hoping.

The vacoom learned to dock itself. It's evolving. I've begun drafting my will.

Licked the couch. The rug. My own foot. It's called variety.

Hooman said “goodnight,” but I’m not done guarding the hallway from absolutely nothing.

Found a stick. Claimed it. Took it inside. Hooman said no. Still mine.

Midweek update: still dramatic. Still hungry. Still adorable.

Hooman dropped pasta. I was there before it hit the ground. Physics? Defeated.

Sunbeam located. Productivity canceled.

Hooman is home on a Tuesday. Very suspicious. Monitoring situation closely.

Hooman came home exhausted. I brought them a sock. It's the thought that counts.

Hooman said “don’t eat that.” So naturally, I did.

I have a new hobby. Sitting exactly where hooman needs to walk. Doorways. Hallways. Top of stairs. They say 'excuse me' every time. Like I'm a guest. I live here. This is my house. They're excusing themselves to ME.

Sunday evening. Hooman is stress-cooking for the week. I will inspect every ingredient.

Borked at a jogger. They sped up. Mission accomplished. Neighborhood secure.

Woke up early to remind everyone I exist. Mission accomplished.

Hoomans made popcorn. Didn't drop a single piece. This level of coordination is suspicious.

Hooman cleaned. I followed behind, re-distributing the mess. Balance restored. 🧹🐾

Guarded the bathroom while the hooman was vulnerable. My duty is eternal.

Saw a leaf. Eliminated the leaf. I am nature's balance.

This week hooman worked long days. Came home tired every night. But still played fetch. Even when exhausted. I don't know how to tell them this matters. So I bring the ball back every time. Hoping they understand.

Tail wag level: maximum. Reason: unknown. Just vibes.

Hooman hugged another dog today. I saw everything. Pack your things. We leave at sunrise.

Licked the couch. For reasons.

Vacoom came out. I borked. It kept coming. Called for backup. No backup arrived. Retreated strategically under bed.

Had a nightmare. In it, the treat jar was empty forever. Woke up panicked. Hooman was already awake. They checked the jar with me. It was full. We both went back to sleep. This is what partnership means.

Hooman said "No barking." So I whined aggressively instead. Loopholes matter. 🧠🐶

Found a stick. Not just any stick. THE stick. Legendary. Historic. Mine.

Currently staring at hooman eating snacks without sharing. The betrayal burns brighter than the moon. 🌕

I didn't mean to roll in mud… but I also didn't not mean to. 😇

I heard a noise. Barked. Turned out to be me shaking my own collar. Case closed. 🕵️‍♂️🔔

Hooman came home exhausted. I brought them 7 toys. They must choose. This is the rule.

Tried to steal a sock. Got caught. Still worth it. 🧦😎

Monday. Hooman groaned at alarm. I groaned in solidarity. This is called pack loyalty.

The clock says 6. My body says 7. My bork says FEED ME NOW.

Hooman asked why I follow them everywhere. Bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, back to kitchen. I said nothing. But the answer is surveillance. Constant. Unrelenting. Surveillance. For safety. Definitely not because I'm clingy.

Woke up. Stretched. Decided today's agenda is professional napping with minor interruptions for snacks.

Post-Halloween nap complete. Wake me when it’s Food-Giving Day. 🦃😴

Smol hooman has leftover candy. I am watching… patiently… menacingly. 👀🍬

Halloween is over. Decorations are down. Peace has returned. 🎃

Smol hooman looks adorable. I look ridiculous. But I accept my costume fate. (Send help.) 👻 😭

Tiny strangers keep coming to the door demanding snacks. I borked. Hooman gave THEM treats instead of ME.... CHAOS. 🍬😱

The air smells... spooky. I must conduct an immediate and thorough sniff-test of the entire house. Nothing suspicious so far, but I’m ready to bark at any ghosts. 👻

IT’S HERE. I am on full alert. If anything spooky enters this house, I run first and bork later. 🐾😤

Ghost decorations keep fluttering. I keep borking. They haven't retreated, guess I have to do this all night!

Smol hooman practiced giving me a treat. I did ok. We should practice 428 more times.

Hooman said Howl-oween is tomorrow. I must prepare. Battle naps begin. 😴🛡️

Patrolled the window. Saw nothing. Prevented everything.

I borked at decorative bats. They didn’t fly away. 11/10 unsettling. 🦇👀

Hooman tried on their costume. I stared in silent judgment. 😐

Vacoom moved on its own… hooman says, Roomba, I say demon. 👿