I want my tombstone to just say: “Tried to dance and wound up dead. Thank you, Kevin Bacon.”

For real, why has there not been a Jan spinoff from The Office?

The wife from FIELD OF DREAMS being a movie crush of mine played so much better before I saw her in WEAPONS this year.

Has anybody ever made a movie or tv show set in high school where the amount of acne was true to real life?

Sometimes you pick an outfit and it’s like someone logged into GTA Online to claim a free Valentine’s Day outfit.

I have a Hideous Skirt Convention to get to.

My family’s SURVIVOR group thread is now an Ozzy Hate Group according to the Southern Poverty Law Center.

In WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP, it’s such a plot point that Woody Harrelson won’t grow up and get a real job. But it’s treated as perfectly fine for his girlfriend to act as if her “studying foods that start with Q in case I’m ever on Jeopardy one day” is somehow a totally serious & grown-up career.

Basketball can be played indoors on wood courts and outdoors on concrete. Why doesn’t bowling do this? I’d have rather had a bowling lane in my driveway as a kid instead of a basketball hoop.

You know that thing when someone asks you to photograph their marriage proposal, so you show up with a 3-foot Christmas tree to hide behind plus a camo jacket to drape over yourself like a makeshift ghillie suit? Gotta be stealthy like a ninja. Unagi isn’t something you are; it’s something you have.

Don’t pretend to be happy for him, Joe Pantoliano

Something I’ll never get: Someone will make you watch Twilight movies with them. As a cute callback, you try greeting this person doing an impression of Jacob greeting Bella with, “Where the hell have ya been, Loca?” They don’t get the reference despite these movies meaning so much to them. 🤷‍♂️

People who post ad listings on Craigslist type sites with a $1 price (but in the text of the ad it’s clear they’re asking for a ton of money) so they can weasel their way into putting themselves on the radar of everyone who sorts from lowest to highest price? I will find you & I will end you.

Pogs + Harry Potter = Pogwarts

It’s that time of year, I guess. Like the long thread I made documenting my 3-month playthrough 100 percenting Red Dead 2 last spring (as I let my cocoon of sadness & depression envelope me), I’m gonna give Ghost of Yotei a whirl. Here’s hoping it’s as good as I heard.

Listening to modern covers of old pirate chanteys. Amuses me how filthy old-timey songs could be if you listen to the lyrics. Pretty sure adults then were all drunks with the maturity level & sense of humor of 4th graders today. “Baltimore Whores” and “Good Ship Venus” are two standout examples.

Is a motorcycle helmet that looks like the Rocketeer too much to ask for?

Birds are such dicks

I like Giants, but I fucking hate uncertainty.

I was smart enough as a baby to learn a whole new language just by living in a house for a couple years with people who spoke a language I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t do that today. Does that mean I’m dumber than I was as a baby?

"I've made my mind a sunless space. I share my dreams with ghosts... I'm condemned to use the tools of my enemy to defeat him. I burn my decency for someone else's future. I burn my life to make a sunrise that I know I'll never see." I still ❤️ Stellar Skateboard's monologue about fighting fascists.

At the end of Season 4, Episode 7 of THE BEAR, I really wanted someone to turn around and look back at the table they’d been under and see it’s just a small little 3.5 foot radius table. Implying it magically got big enough to hold more people as people started to climb under it.

There’s a Mountain Goats lyric for everything: “I set the sapling in the hole, started gently tamping down the dirt. I saw the future in a dream last night. Somebody’s gonna get hurt. Somebody’s gonna get hurt. Hope it’s not me. But I suspect it’s going to have to be.”

I know my friends & family aren’t honest with me because, if they were, somebody would’ve pulled me aside by now and given me a heads-up that I use the word “rad” waaaaaaaay too much.

The throwaway line in ELF when old dude in the mailroom casually claims to be 26 years old is the only time in my life when a character on TV or in a movie mentioning how old they are didn’t make me feel super ashamed of how poorly I’ve aged.

This Christmas ornament gets it.

I put on the new 4 hr 18 minute @defunctland.bsky.social video. So YouTube's recommendations are like: "you wanna re-watch 4 hour vids by Hbomberguy or Jenny Nicholson next, right?" It's like the algorithm's never allowed to recommend long-ass stuff & it's stoked to have the chance right now.

👀

I feel like this photo of masked, armed men pepper spraying a pastor protecting his community is going to be a defining picture of this moment in America for a long, long time.

Has anybody invented a browser yet that has built-in A.I. blocking features?

I decided to pull the nerd move of buying a fountain pen. Browsing online looking at pens & inks, it kinda seems as if every fountain pen owner has lost their ability to write anything except the name of the pen model & ink they're using (plus repetitive swirls to show off how flowy it writes).

I've now watched two different movies about lawyers that prominently feature someone named Bruiser. Weird thing for 2 legal movies to have in common.

I mean, look. Maybe Tom Hanks' character in the movie CAST AWAY deserved every bad thing that happened to him. Don't. Take. Your. Shoes. Off. When. You're. On. A. Flight. You absolute monster.

How I Met Your Dragon 🤔

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 50. This one's kind of about High Fidelity & kind of about Serendipity.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 49. This one's about sexuality being a spectrum & chintz being seductive.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 48. This one's about phone usage & being discreet when high.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 47. This one's about What About Bob?

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 46. This one's about folding tortillas.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 45. This one's about being really high & turns of phrase.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 44. This one's about accents & crushes.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 43. This one's about accents & disappointment.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 42. This one's about nostalgia & music & video games.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 41. This one's about accidentally coming up with cool band names.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's day 40. This one's about language & people who pivot every subject back to their faith. And, hey, remember the rapper Nelly?

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 39. This one's about self-portraits and the poses people choose.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 38. This one's about nostalgia & finding ways to still feel cool after you've grown up.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 37. This one's about Star Wars force ghosts & being too hard on ourselves.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 36. This one's about that stupid hard seltzer ad I've seen so many times, its stupid song is burned into my stupid brain.

Daily Bread. A creative exercise, making myself do a cartoon everyday til I run out of steam. Today's Day 35. This one's about singing & coupons.