Dogs in a Pile wins the couch tour challenge this New Year’s Eve.

Every hotel breakfast buffet is like here’s some beautiful lox, cream cheese, capers, onions, and tomatoes but, sorry, no bagels for you.

Looks like I finally got an “A” for the first time in my life! (Influenza A)

The US strategic reserve of pun-base Grateful Dead cover band names is running dangerously low

I miss when chef’s would lovingly salt your meal with their hairy arms

Pete Rose was born too soon. He would have loved how modern sports got completely overtaken by shady gamblers.

Somehow there are dogs who can use “speech buttons” but my guy can’t tell when the door is open or closed.

Chugging NyQuil without sleeping it off is the expressway to a long dark night of the soul.

Let’s break down this ugly Celtics loss by zooming Eddie House from his bunker on mars and talking about prop bets.

Prince absolutely shredding at a surprise performance at a 2007 Super Bowl press conference. Johnny B. Goode>anotherlover>rock lobster>get on the boat youtu.be/LjxHZ5Od7zs?...

How are these majestic superbeef 3 ways not on the state flag?

We’ve hit the Austin Powers penis pump level of evidence with the Epstein suicide note

Why am I getting daily emails from Samsung about my TV? As a great man once said, I give you money, you give me receipt, transaction over.

My Vet said that my 16 year old dog has cataracts but can still see shapes and I was like WTF was he seeing before? Other dimensions?

This is pretty much every day now

Tis the season for Egg Beaters Nog

They told 10 year old me to brush more and 50 year old me to brush less. Make up your minds, dentists!

Somehow the guys in Goose are way younger than me but we have the same record collections. I can't believe they opened N2 of Goosemas with "Wild Mountain Thyme". There are dozens of us Byrdsmaniax in the world. Dozens of us!

Every Jewish chef knows that the secret to great latkes isn’t love. It’s actually the hint of knuckle skin from the grater.

Happy Hanukkah everyone. Let’s hope for a little more light next year.

Apparently many people don’t consider “seeing fourth tier jambands” as a real hobby. Sheesh.

All knishes are great but round is better than square.

It’s so cold. Why did I get rid of all my buccal fat again?

Looks like we’re going to see Spafford. Always enjoy the Sinclair.

Whenever I try to beat nitrous out of the dentist I call it “sweet air” so he thinks I’m a widdle smol boy who doesn’t know any better. (It never works)

Night 2 of Dogs in a Pile was also awesome. They went for the Masshole crowd pleasers with a Shipping Up To Boston intro to The Other One and an epic Fenway.

Even as a Red Sox fan/Yankee hater I think Donnie Baseball should be in the HOF

Great Dogs in a Pile show in Boston tonight! Can’t wait for tomorrow.

Free people know that Charles Entertainment Cheese was named after Robert Entertainment Lee

Tournament of Champions is better competition than 75% of pro sports.

Colonoscopy prep is easy if you just pretend that you have the norovirus on Yom Kippur.

Why does every EZ-Pass invoice for $3.50 come in an scary orange envelope that makes it look like you’re getting evicted?

“Lawrence of Arabia” is a Hanukkah movie (it goes on forever)

We went from “stop calling us racists” to “America is only for white people” in record time.

This sounds about right…

Finally got the dreaded colonoscopy. As promised, the prep was much worse than the procedure. If you’re old enough to remember fat leg woody woodpecker you should probably do it for the peace of mind.

Keeping this bad boy cued up for the day when it finally happens. open.spotify.com/track/4f6pN7...

I’m not big on AI but am intrigued that it could write code for me. Then I wonder, what would I do with this code? Where does one put the code? Will I need this code to unlock the next mini-boss?

Work in advertising long enough and your resume will be full of agencies that no longer exist. RIP to Mullen. Pour one out for the weird little agency in the old mansion.

I don't think America should be allowed to go to war unless 51% of the citizens can point to the place on an unlabelled map. On an unrelated note, I have no idea where Venezuela is located. Definitely south of Boston, but I'm hazy on the specifics.

An unexpected funeral means I have to bail on Saturday night Goosemas, if anyone needs tix or an $800 room at the Omni. Let me know before I cancel the room!

I love a night where I’m 9:30 drunk at 5:30.

It took us all weekend and 21 hours but we completed our Thanksgiving mission: beating Luigi’s Mansion 3.

“Strong floor no ceiling” sounds like we’re all sleeping on a dock

The secret ingredient for the perfect north shore beef is tax evasion.

Incredible how young these Stranger Things kids still look

All Thanksgiving traditions are unique and special and valuable. Except for calling stuffing “dressing”. That’s psychopath shit.

Hitting Market Basket at 315 before Thanksgiving is like Level 33 Masshole behavior. LFG!

Actually I disagree to disagree

I’m gonna eat pie like a detective having breakfast at a diner.