when you're in the sento and they come dump more salts in the bath, do you feel more like a) a fish being fed or b) a soup being seasoned; your answer will determine your fate

experimenting with building a hermetic cosmology around all the two-factor verification codes i receive

experimenting with reading deleuze as a mid brow self-help guru

so tired i tried to flush the toilet by tapping my sucia card

imagining a high proof liquor called 'pangea cola'

there was about a two decade window where we could have enshrined abstract expressionist action painting as a viable Olympic sport, missed our shot

raised by a tiger mom with a poor grasp of culture, i was forced to take dungeon synth lessons from a very young age

watching a procession of important-looking, elaborately dressed nobles enter the shrine to, i assume, do important tasks; though, as a commoner, its really none of my business

yesterday at the conveyor belt sushi place, a nebbish man sat next to me; black turtleneck, heavy glasses, moustashe, without prompt he told me his philosophy: do not think, let the hands move on their own, what they take the body needs; i watched his hands take twenty tamago nigiri and three beers

i can accept the notion of a weather-predicting groundhog, i can even accept that there are multiple of them, what i can abide is that they often disagree

my signature dance move is moving on the face of the deep

they won't let you eat a po'boy while lounging in the onsen, some rule about tradition or whatever

all ads should be illegal except for print ads which they bind and ship to you in one big fat folio like they used to do with the phone book

we are entirely too blasé about geodes

cruising the infinity mirrored, polka dot bathrooms at the yayoi kusama museum

kinda funny that design trends mean this era has also sorta been the time of monsteras

tinder matched with tetsuo the iron man

if a poster's profile pic is a doodle of some fucking animal or animal-human hybrid or even regular human with ears or whatever pulling a face, i just block immediately; i've done this for months and they just keep coming, why

they should reintroduce tapirs to north america

drunk guy standing on the subway double-fisting the strap, posture so limp he sways with every curve of the track like a giant frond of kelp, get home safe buddy

if he were still around I bet Everett True could sort out the US political polycrisis with one of his signature outbursts

mentally and physically preparing to re-enter the contraption

while visiting london on business i join my brother, who lives in london, in taking the train to oxford, to met our father, who is visiting on business, where we have brunch, after which we, me brother and i, keep visiting pubs until we wind up pissed at the Pitt Rivers Museum

experimenting with being the kind of stoned where every object emits its own hazy word cloud

setting up their rig these dive bar djs duck and weave with the cords and cables the same way couples in small kitchens scrubbing up dishes do and as i see this they pause and kiss, confirming the metaphor

experimenting with letting the gift horse gnaw on my arm

the thing about ice worms is they are always comething

my father worked his whole life as a lemon pig, as did his father before him

one bagel after another

the 2026 Mitsubishi Alfredo offers unparalleled, best in its class performance for a midrange cream-based sedan

no it's not you, but it's not me either, it's just we're like amtrak wifi, on the surface it looks like we're connecting but really this will never work

my provocative new monograph suggests that raves are more than just parties, but political expressions of collective liberation, a completely fresh idea no one has ever had before except for me, the first grad student to ever do drugs, please like me please

every year for christmas my sibling makes a horrible multi-layer jello which the whole family eats while veiled, in the style of ortolan

it's been forever since i've gotten to kick back and lounge in my giant martini glass

risk, the family boardgame, inevitably reduces its players to a hobbesian state of nature, revealing the high-minded statesmenship of westphalian principles to be a thin and brittle sham

experimenting with a new ideolect, replacing 'from' with the more dynamic 'out of' in various contexts e.g. this yogurt is out of the local dairy; that bit of chisme is out of the woman at the salon etc.

authors who use superlatives when blurbing books are lowly and repellent

falling asleep with a roaring fire and waking to smoulderimg ashes, concisely signaling to the audience of reality, me, that time has elapsed within the diegesis

the band at the diner doing elvis and orbison covers with a snide, almost no-wave flair but the old couples keep dancing, defiant boogie woogie twists as if the sound was stone cold faithful

my priest, my rabbi, and my imam all agree that my use of patois was entirely tasteful given the extenuating circumstances

welcome to america, we've carefully designed your port of entry to both look and feel like eraserhead

he's nice but sadly he's got a face fit for an anamatronic tree

everyone at the airport bar getting tanked and riffing on infrastructure poetics, this lady just bought a whole round of curaçao shots for cause someone quoted augé

at each stop approaching the airport more and more people board the train with luggage, transforming the ride into an increasingly difficult game of multi-player klotski

joining the yangshan port community softball league

massive milestone today: our body count has officially surpassed six billion; this comes ahead of schedule, and according to our internal models, puts us on track to meet our goal of total population intercourse by Q4 next year; big thanks to everyone who helped make this happen!

back when i interned at CERN this mole-like person kept breaking into the facility to sleep in the tubes and every morning one of us had to chase them out with a broom

downloading twelve to fifteen pdfs, reading two or three of them, sending connection requests to twenty five cryptographers on linkedin, doing a line, and going to sleep

welcome to my sleazy and select tokyo swinger club, we offer anonymous sex with alluring strangers, and spaghetti and potato salad for some reason

welcome to my elegant and moody tokyo bar, we serve exquisite classic cocktails, along with spaghetti and potato salad for some reason