still having to enrobe my head in ointment, but I’ll be ending my hiatus as soon as my slimegirl era is over

going on a date with a guy who has my deadname because I like to inflict minor amounts of psychic pain on myself. It’s a hobby

guy who constantly talks in the cadence of the spoken parts of a stage musical. The actual song never comes

the way my pacifier *rocketed* out of my mouth when my roommate walked in I don’t think she saw anything… other than me in a pile of plushies

it’s funny to me that there’s a 1-2 month stretch I barely remember due to pain killers and anxiety meds. I’m still running across things I did during that period

they say he started as a young child: love bombing and gaslighting animals in the woods outside his mother’s house. Makes you sick just thinking about it

it’s really weird how much my social anxiety persists in online spaces. It’s why I generally don’t repost things- it feels almost like initiating a social interaction. I have a hard time even liking the posts of people outside of my social orbit. It feels *rude* somehow.

the only downside to having a side shave is that it would look really weird if I tried to put my hair in pigtails

I’m so starved for domination, at this point a girl could give me a hard look and it would dissolve my ego like cotton candy

am I flying across the country next month just to get hypnotized? uh, I assume other things may happen as well

I need a caregiver because a disturbingly large portion of my daily intake takes the form of candy

me being a social recluse is probably to blame here, but I still get a jolt of anxiety when I’m gendered correctly in public. It feels like I’ve been handed a sweater that’s too large for me, and I’m unsure if I’m pulling it off or if I look ridiculous drowning in its folds.

I once played tetris nonstop after a traumatic event because someone told me that it would help. and now I just associate falling blocks with trauma

pulling some Twelfth Night shit during sex to satisfy my inner fujoshi

bright pink dye has been acquired. I just need to wait for my incision to heal a little more, and then it’s back to tha old me

I feel like I should have picked up more weird kinks than I actually did from watching Return to Oz as a child

I have a psychological problem where I only feel truly safe when I’m in the arms of a predator

the only thing that phd is going to stand for is “pretty-haired doll.”

I am a sleepy kitty and I deserve to nap 16 hours a day, regardless of what doctors say

oh, the screams? she’s just doing some Omelas child regression

applying ointment to my incision and coping by thinking of it as sealant for the doll seam

bad google translate! (alternatively: "me stepping into the shower")

feeling left out because I never got the progesterone horniness- it just rounded out my breasts a little. and yes, *sigh*, I tried putting them up my butt

I’m gonna be taking a trip to NYC in mid January, on the off chance I know anyone there

I have zero MILF vibes, but I think I could grow into the role of a cruel and villainous aunt if needed

sometimes I think about the mascot for Chiba prefecture: a dog that resembles its outline

I’m starting to look pretty ok, in the moments between having my head coated in antibiotic goop

need to be reduced to a dumb little girl

the cat peed on my binder. She hates to see a girl get a little genderfucky with it

(Pluribus spoilers) … I can’t believe they had the chance to add human lactation farms to the setting and didn’t take it. I’m going to have to dock a point. Sci-fi is best when it’s weirdly horny.

I’ve got plans

I'm about 40% of the way through this game's script, and it's pretty gorgeous at times. Ugetsu Kitan (1992) - for the PC-98. (It's a surreal horror adventure game)

was going to do the 10 years apart thing with a gif, but you can't attach more than one per post. Anyway, I've been a slut online for a while, so here's something from exactly 10 years back.

yeah, I was one of those kids who refused to dissect their doll in biology class. “It doesn’t feel pain.” “This is what it would want, you know.” Might have been easier if it wasn’t actively looking at me. Whether that was in blame or anticipation, I’ll never know.

thinking about the sugar daddy that I had in Japan. A 70 year old rice farmer (starch daddy?) turned real estate mogul. I was kind of a host (in the host club sense), acting as arm candy and keeping party guests entertained with jokes and anecdotes in Japanese & English.

me 🤝 cats being neotenous and pathetic enough that people want to take me in

everything sucks, but at least the cold weather is causing the cat to cuddle with me more

I wish I was a cat so I could just scream and have people pet me

I think I’d be coming out of my hiatus if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m back to applying ointment to the incision for the next week or so. It matts my hair down in an unflattering way :/

grindr cowboy: You will have an NSA hookup with me if you do good. You will have a short situationship with me if you do bad.

it’s been a couple of years since I’ve taken one of these. No real surprises, apart from “vanilla” showing up at all

as someone who’s poly and kinda ace, you’d have to be pretty creative to NTR me maybe you could like, watch a movie that I was saving for a partner with them

I have no idea what I actually look like... Every time that I look in a mirror or a photo, it’s like I’m turning a roulette wheel: masculine, feminine, young, old, etc. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad; but it’s like I’m a different person from minute to minute.

thinking about going back to pink hair once it’s safe to bleach and dye again…

I lined my plushies up around me because I’m having a breakdown, and my roommate walked by and asked if I was doing a porn shoot

went to my last FFS post-op appointment, and it’s really weird to sit there while someone stares at your face from different angles, evaluating you as a piece of their work

doll HRT (full body botox injections)

the game is a foot, you say. Go on…

I can’t overemphasize how much a lack of personal space and privacy has negatively affected my mental health. I feel like I’ve been living without skin. My every movement feels scrutinized