When you buy your wife a dozen roses* for Valentine’s Day. *Some assembly required.

My wife needed a portable, clip-on fan. This is The Way.

Same.

President Made-Up Peace Prize, who is totally known for personally stopping 20 wars, attacked Venezuela and kidnapped its president in order to stop the flow of imaginary drugs into this country and start the flow of actual oil.

I see you have ice cream. I am also a fan of ice cream.

The Wheel turns. The Sun is reborn. Blessed Yule.

This morning, I woke up to news of MAGA influencer Jake Paul getting his jaw broken in a boxing match. Now I learn that earlier today, noted misogynist Andrew Tate got his face beaten to a pulp in a different boxing match.

A summary of last night’s “presidential” address:

Now that he’s committed his first act of piracy, he’s going to want the One Piece prize.

Does it box? ✅ enclosed space ❎ square ✅ contains cat 2 out of 3. It box.

Carpe diem - seize the day Carpe denim - seize the pants Carp in denim - fish in pants Crap in denim - I shit my pants Carpe Imodium - seize the bowels

Fox News host solution to homelessness: “Involuntary lethal injection. Just kill them.” These are the same people who want to lecture us about having empathy. Yes, this is real. Yes, you can google it. Yes, the host still has a job. Fuck these fucking Nazis.

I lower my flag today for an actual American hero, and for the 2,976 others who died. #neverforget

Wondering how long it will take for an iPhone Air in the wild to become an iPhone Fold.

Rock Fire Tamarack Resort/Donnelly Idaho 15 August 2025

My FedEx delivery driver decided to take his 30 minute pizza break in front of my house *before* delivering my package with $50K of medication in it. Said he couldn’t give me the package until he was done.

I don’t *ever* want to hear a MAGAt accuse liberals, trans or gay folk, or drag performers, of being pedophiles again. Not when your mindset is this sick and disgusting. Fuck you and your whole fucking twisted ideology.

So many people are against Pride and LGBTQ rights in Idaho that attendees numbered in the <checks notes> <rechecks notes> …dozens. Why isn’t there a “Straight Pride Month”? Because NO ONE CARES.

Small hands Small feet All he does is Golf and tweet

You know what happens when you boast about having an impenetrable, foolproof system? Someone immediately finds a flaw. When you’re talking about nuclear weapons, flaws in the system can be devastating. Also, pretty sure Canada said “go fuck yourself.”

Just let me die.

When gravity doesn’t work as expected. #caturday

If you’re cheering the deportation of brown people without due process with a taco and a Corona in your hand today, you can fuck all the way off.

IT WAS IN THE FUCKING OATH YOU TOOK!

The people who think “they” and “them” can’t be used as singular pronouns want to administer English language proficiency exams to truck drivers. Make it make sense.

I see people “joking” about JD Vance unaliving the Pope, and just stop it. Stop. It. I don’t care. The world is stupid enough without adding to it with that nonsense. Whatever your feelings are about the Pope, or JD Vance, just stop. You’re not helping.

The Old North Church, Boston. Remember, the Revolution started as a protest against tariffs levied by a lawless king.

Not only do Democrats suck at messaging, they suck at party unity. Put 10 democrats in a room to address an issue, and you’ll get 11 different strategies. We need to get better at both, and we need to do it yesterday.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

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Two weeks, and still flying in the heart of deep red Idaho.

Deporting Canadian geese.

I need more alcohol to deal with this administration. Acerglyn in the carboy.

MAGA:”We’Re NoT iN a CuLt! StOp CaLLiNg Us ShEeP!” Also MAGA:

Bonus points if you get the reference.

Available in all 50 states, financial help is available.

🤷‍♂️

“Shut up about egg prices.”

Can you say “manipulating the stock market for profit”? I knew you could.

The leopards have started eating each other’s faces. Imma need more popcorn.

The feeling has a name!

I’m an American, and I endorse this message. Not just for Canada, but for every democratic freedom-loving country. Buy from somewhere else, vacation somewhere else, hurt these fascists where it counts: their wallets.

Nothing to see here. It’s fine. It’s all fine. Say, what kind of code are those DOGE employees installing on our networks? Nah. Just a coincidence. We’re all good, here. How are you? english.nv.ua/russian-war/...