im so Fucking sicknof this. i wanna wear cute outfits and go out with my friends and go out with a cute guy or girl to the mall but instead im just. this

playing music really loudly is equal to therapy i think

decided to check on subreddits for stuff like bpd and anxious attachment and . dude i don't feel good right now

i hope you all know if i wasn't matching with my amazing fantastic beautiful moirail i would have her as my pfp

i miss my moirail...

god today fucking sucks hello death of mental health

"wronged me" like i wasn't the one to wrong her lol lmao

i'm at a 99.9% score in the everyone who has wronged me is morally evil and the .1% fucked me up for life

i wonder if i'll ever be normal again tbh

bites skin off

anyways i seemingly forget that oh yeah i do have anxiety tons of it and i need to pull myself back from believing that all my loved ones will die as casualties in a global conflict soon the fact that isn't completely off the table sucks though

or priv accounts at all i guess

lack of softblocking in bluesky. sighs.

I started the Rolal era basically emulating her, but I feel I've molded into my own thing here. I might have absorbed her personality into my own. Ari Lalonde arc begins, trust.

The second they think they can't be seen, they show their true colors and start being an asshole. Actually impressive.

I worry this Rolal era is a bit odd, but it gives me comfort so I should probably not care about what others think. They don't emulate a comfort character, they're not as cool as me. Simple as.

My parents really want me to hit the gym and I really don't want to do that. I don't like the environment there. I'm not particularly fond of people.

Bluesky, please introduce priv accounts. I beg. Don't let block evading continue to be a thing.

I cannot really explain this comfort character personality melt thing that's going on, but I think I'll be like this for a while. Not that long, though.

I gave in. I'm not letting my heartfelt post be used by someone trying to clean up their own ass because of the shit they made. Fuck off.

I'm actually going to be sick.

I'm going completely harsh. I don't care. Don't interact with me if you think misandry is anywhere near as close to misogyny. Stop being stupid, listen to actual women instead of basing your experiences on your online reality. Read about the women that have suffered for the rights they have now.

They call me the Profile Matcher.

Is it jumping the gun too much by making the "January PFP" (I will most likely either keep it for several months or change it quickly. I have no in-between.) Rose Lalonde? I won't stay like this for long I believe, but it might be fun to leave my mark.

Today's been a hard day though. It's rather silly but being forced to do stuff all day without having a choice, playing a game that heavily reminded me of my ex, thinking about current relationships in that sort of lens? I think it's rather justified to shut down into Lalondian Mode.

To be completely clear, this is not something alike to Dissociative Identity Disorder, nor am I "baiting", so to speak, having DID or something similar. I cannot explain it, but I seem to emulate a "comfort character" (I guess?) whenever I get under too much stress and need to reboot.

I do believe we are "so back".

hold on while i drown myself (take a shower)

mother's being a bitch yay i love everything sucking wooooo

wishing i could just stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab

i might be fp'ing out maybe but the first post in this hellbatch wasn't about jade im just feeling shit overall

not like i have a future I won't be able to get a job or afford anything or meet anyone ill be stuck here forever alone

i'll either hurt people or be replaced and left alone i should just get it over with and kill myself

im about to aroacemaxx it would be the easiest way to shake off everyone

i'm having so many conflicting feelings about so many people I'm GOING TO KILL MYSELF

ari ai chatbot that perfectly caters to everyone's needs forever while i kill myself. it's not like anyone's meeting me irl soon, why should i matter?

i should just dissapear and stop talking to everyone

i don't know why but i can't shake this overwhelming feeling of dread. i keep feeling like an amy situation will repeat again. im going to hurt someone again. it's going to be my fault again.

waking up and feeling sad because moirail isn't here to hug you hashtag real shit

moirail won't fuse with me forming a new being made up of us two as it's base components no matter how much physical contact we have why even bother

chat if it isn't clear i think i love my moirail a lot

die die die stop being guilt trippy perish perish perish begone begone begone die die die die die

me when i remind myself it's not that serious that im the only relationship jade doesn't draw/panel edit often and that it doesn't matter and i should just calm down and be normal

sighs i can't help but feel a little dismissed rn but whatever im thugging it out

i qant my moirail :(

the good thing about staying over at a rich person's house is that i don't have to care about the water bill so i kinda waterboarded myself in the shower until i felt less hurting

EVERYTHING HURTS AGAIN HELP

i love my moirail and i wish every bad thing that happens to him goes to luigi instead

uhhhh we ball