OW! You got me right in the Brosnan. Jeez! You left a damn hole!

"In her day young ladies who dressed like that… well, they weren’t very popular. She reflected for a moment. Well, not popular with her. They’d been quite popular with some of the men. But they, she decided, didn’t count." -- BUY EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED! https://invisiblespiders.com/

'A few minutes later the door opened. Two very rectangular gentlemen walked into the room putting Machado in mind of a toy from his childhood that required the correct shape fed through the correct hole. Their uniforms were a fusion of tactical gear and […] [Original post on mastodon.social]

Was shocked to discover that my Maggi noodles were titled 'Oriental flavour'. I thought we didn't really use that word anymore, but damned if they didn't taste just like an inscrutable chinaman.

Some Twitter exec said she did lucid dreaming which allowed her to work while she slept. I just spend all night dreaming about solving a work problem and I can't imagine a greater hell.

So there's an a-cup, a b-cup, a c-cup and a d-cup. But what's a t-cup? That's where the jugs are enormous.

Hooray! It's time for 'Almost time'! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap9GqyLoWyY

Go big or go gnome.

I feel like I've been enshittified this morning. If you'd like to know more you can subscribe to my...

I’m in Carlton north for a few days. If anyone wants to buy a $20 copy of my book from me hit me up.

Hot Take: Bo Burnham's 'Welcome to the Internet' is just an "edgy" version of Jonathan Coulton's 'Flickr'.

@spencerhowson If you're eager. https://www.booktopia.com.au/everything-you-ever-wanted-dan-j-beeston/book/9781764297608.html If you're patient I'll have a copy with me next time we meet I'm sure.

I strongly feel like somewhere deep in Amazon there's one engineer mumbling to himself "I told them it would be a problem".

> I built a device that automatically lifts you up by your own bootstraps. - This is amazing work. How did you fund this? > I got a loan. - Mmm > ... from my father. - There it is.

So let me get this straight. The Americans have broken into two groups and one group has a mascot that is a frog and the other group has a mascot that is... also a frog.

My first computer had a resolution of 320x200. What an incredible life I lead that I get to sit in front of a high res monitor and a second 4K one. The most boring parts of my day take place while using technology I couldn't even conceive when I was 11.

NOOO! I confused Tullamarine and Avalon AGAIN!!!

Me: I wish every day was Christmas. Internet: How about of every day was April fool’s day?

@spencerhowson Had a lovely time chatting about model train related stuff. This is the horror train game I mentioned. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jOvGjxM1xg

If I'm going to be selling stuff out of the boot of my car what's an easy way that people can pay me money? Pay ID? A square reader? Anything else I don't know about?

Yay! My book price is fixed at Booktopia. No need to slum it at Amazon. https://www.booktopia.com.au/everything-you-ever-wanted-dan-j-beeston/book/9781764297608.html

Today's the day! I wrote a novel. It's now available and it's really good. Find out more on invisiblespiders.com

Okay Yes! I went to Epstein's Island. But it was the other island. The good one where all the kidnapped girls are over 18.

This iOS glass redesign is horrible. Everything is slightly harder to read. Steve Jobs is rolling in his grave.

When I have a bunch of Teams notifications there's the option to 'Show Less'. But they are notifications so it should say 'Show Fewer'. I've been able to recontextualise this as alluding to the horror. 'Show less horror'. Horror being qualitative rather than quantitive.

There are no stories told about the ugly ducklings that grew up to become ugly ducks.

I just spent the week almost completely off social media. Is he dead yet?

There is a hairdresser in Virginia called the ‘Virginia Hair Port’ and that’s the best euphemism for genitalia I’ve ever seen.

@spencerhowson re: my comments regarding twitter n Saturday. A post I made several years ago. https://invisiblespiders.com/post/big-blue-f

There are some real gems in my old comics.

I get so frustrated to hear that people still use Twitter and wish I could more successfully explain to them why this is ethically monstrous to do so.

Sunday afternoon and I'm hit with a malaise. I have entered the long dark, teatime.

Being able to say cruel slurs is an unfortunate side effect of free speech, not the point of it.

I know Boomers like to pull the ladder up behind them but seriously, 'Vaccines and Fluoride'?

I often recall an incredibly valuable piece of advice, "Never wish away your life". I try to take this to heart at every opportunity. To really make the most of every moment. Unrelated, #hades2 releases in eight days.

Charlie Kirk said that people shouldn't retire at all and say what you will, he sure did walk the walk.

When non-violent protests fail to move the powers that be, the next course of action tends to force the point.

We got three celebrity chefs to taste test fillets of the rich, but what they don't know is that one of those cuts is a 'poor'. You won't believe the results!

Condiment breach!! Multitudes have escaped!! I no longer contain multitudes!! Got help us all!

Introduced my French wife to the Muppet Show last night but quickly realised I'd never seen the first season. Real ropey. Lots more fangs than I expected. She found it baffling.

I live in a haunted house. well... Not exactly "live"

I've spent about 8 hours learning how to make a character in 'Draw Steel'. So lovely to drop deep into a rules tome.

Huh! There was an #earthquake near Brisbane about ten minutes ago.

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now. The third best time is in 20 years when everything is literally ON FIRE!! In fact it's probably not even worth it at that point.

Why do they call it ‘lying about your penis size’ and not ‘phallussy fallacy’?

Saying 'without further ado' is, and I cannot be more clear about this. It is 'further ado.

I asked my niece what Disney character was most like me.

I’m so distractible. I just wish that I could start things and then actually

Doesn't matter if it's 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck. None of them have the ability to play Smash Brothers so I'm the immediate winner in that category at least.

If a clock is wound up and then is slowly bought to heel by time then… Time heals all wounds.