Me, in the break room when my boss comes in: Don't mind me, I'm just eating cold Chinese food My boss: Aren't you about to catch a bus? Me, through a mouthful of lo mein: Yeth Boss: . . . You're either a very brave man or a very stupid man My coworker: Both!

Me, glaring at a bottle of liquid medicine that I, as an adult, have to force myself to take: So. We meet again.

Me: *gets home from a long day at work and collapses into bed* My cat: *starts clawing at something she shouldn't be clawing at* Me, dead inside: I am BEGGING you to behave

Shout out to my cat who decided, as I was laying down on my side, to lay on my hip, but instead of just climbing on and laying down like she usually does, decided to mix things up this morning by jumping onto my head, walking across my shoulders, and eventually settling on my hip Tipsy w h y

Me, seeing my paycheck is pending: Is for me? 🥹👉👈 Me, two hours later when it still hasn't gone through: Money now, please? 🥺👉👈 Me, checking again at the time it usually goes through but it isn't there yet: PLEAAAAAAAAASE

Coworker: Enjoy your break! Me: Thanks! I'm not buying anything today, just looking Coworker: Uh-huh *30 minutes later* Coworker: So what book did you buy? Me: SHUT UP Me: . . . Little Women

Deep cleaning my bedroom with my cat is an exciting project because every time there's silence for longer than five seconds, I have to quickly turn around and go "What do you have? No, you can't eat that, give it to me--"

How to Walk On Ice In Winter Step One: Don't

"Okay just one more fun fact about sharks and orcas and then I'll shut up," I said to my coworkers, like a liar

Me: Okay Tipsy, do you want the pink cat tree or the beige cat tree? My cat: *walks along my keyboard, making things move and pop up* Me: Well that was no help, Tips

Me at 11:00 PM last night: I don't have anything I have to do tomorrow, I'm gonna turn off my alarm and sleep in a bit 😌 Me waking up at 6:00 AM anyway: Damnit 🫩

That terrifying moment when you're laying in bed and holding your phone above your face but drop it and frantically check to see if you cracked the screen on your glasses

Merry Crimass, please enjoy this picture of my cat helping me wrap presents 😌🎄🐾🎁💕

Another day, another morning trying to convince my cat that she cannot bite or bat at my phone cord or eat the plants, you'll get hurt and I'll be upset, Tipsy p l e a s e s t o p