jaisus christ
@wheredjaigo.bsky.social
📤 11
📥 16
📝 61
perspiring comedian.
if you're and inmate and you stay in contact with your friends on the inside when you get released, you've become an outmate
3 days ago
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They should call season 2 of heated rivalry, "chilled allies"
3 days ago
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since i left queensland, every time I crave a XXXX i just have two dos equis. it's not the same but in the end it adds up
3 days ago
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microplastics won't stop me from putting my leftover spaghetti in an old cool whip container
6 days ago
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If I had a girl, I'd call her Miranda so she'd always have rights and someone to read to her
about 1 month ago
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I like to experiment with drugs, for example when I do coke I try out different shapes
about 1 month ago
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making a dog fursuit for myself, that way if i don't get into heaven, i'm dropping a big hint about what i'd like to be reincarnated as
about 1 month ago
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welp. it happened again. i mistook another baby for joe rogan. in my defense the baby is short, bald, doesn't like to eat vegetables, and won't shut up about how cool ai music is
about 1 month ago
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microdosing staying in a hotel by putting a bible in my nightstand
about 1 month ago
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fellas, is it performative to wear the latest in burlap fashion, drink well water from a McDonald's batman cup, and only listen to music if I can find it on man's greatest invention, hitclips?
about 2 months ago
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i'm gonna start a roanoke themed tow truck company. if your car is missing, look for our company name "croa-towin" carved into a nearby tree
2 months ago
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golfing with a vr quest? call that a meta fore!
3 months ago
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i'm startin' to think some folks out there are one olsen twin short of a full house
4 months ago
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whenever i get a tattoo and someone says i'll regret it i point out the fact that there are dudes out there with "we the people" tattoos that haven't even read the first amendment let alone the whole constitution
4 months ago
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Hunter S. Thompson's lesser known brother, Gatherer
4 months ago
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childhood is thinking your nana had a weird smelling perfume adulthood is knowing it was the highest concentration of mothballs in one closet mankind has ever known
4 months ago
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everyone talks about traumatic flashbacks, but not one talks about traumatic flash forwards i urge you to think of the time travelers, to think of the that's so raven
4 months ago
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i treat every ass i see like a dodge ram. i point and ask, that thing got a hemi?
4 months ago
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the main difference between an intersection and a crossroads is what kinda deal the devil wants to make for your soul
4 months ago
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whoever said lightning never strikes the same place twice has never been pelted with gatorade bottles
4 months ago
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after months of really hard math, i've figured out how to harness the power of the sun
4 months ago
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one man's great pacific garbage patch is another man's great pacific treasure patch
5 months ago
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any music is shoe gaze music if you never look up
5 months ago
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While most people my age are running around in the newest of balanced sneakers, I am running around in these two bear traps I stepped on in the woods.
5 months ago
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ever since i got these blue blocking lenses for my glasses the blue man group is just 3 white dudes in turtlenecks who are pretty good at drumming
5 months ago
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three, six, nine, damn you fine some body explain this math to me one more time
5 months ago
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"do you know who my father is!?"- a kid, whose dad went out for cigarettes and never came back, looking for answers
5 months ago
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i met a woman who called her labia her labooboo, i hope she's doing well
5 months ago
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If you say beetlejuice's name three times he'll show up. If you say my name three times, I'll come.
6 months ago
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It's a good thing Neo wasn't a dog he'd have to pick between the cheese pill or the peanut butter pill
6 months ago
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everyone is talking about the enshittification of the Internet but I haven't seen anyone talking about how chairs are bad and leading to the enshrimpification of my spine
6 months ago
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-febreeze scents I would actually buy: Buffalo wings Nana's infamous spaghetti "sauce" Subway (the sandwich place) Subway (the underground place) anime convention hall Industrial glue Toe jam and earl Mystery flavor Unleaded
6 months ago
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Guy who never looked up from his phone finally looking up at night: what is this dark mode?
6 months ago
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the latest in cosmic horror: horrors you can comprehend but really wish they were beyond your comprehension
6 months ago
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the deadliest sins are stored in the blood think about that next time you want a blood transfusion
6 months ago
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can't wait for the meteoric rise of the newest podcast host "definitely not joe rogan in a silly hat and groucho glasses", boe jogan
6 months ago
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I'm on a domesticated goose chase
6 months ago
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i have a sneaking suspicion that the sexy lady gremlin from gremlins 2 is the only gremlin that you can get wet
7 months ago
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If you're gonna yell bigoted stuff from a fast moving car. learn how the Doppler effect works first, idiot
7 months ago
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No one makes a fool out of me except the motion sensor faucets in the bathrooms
7 months ago
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In human years I'm 35. In dog years I'm an ancient, benevolent entity that distributes food, gives scritches, and goes for walkies.
7 months ago
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Rip Sylvia plath, you would have loved air fryers
7 months ago
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i have a gambler addiction i love watching people lose money
7 months ago
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my favorite part of the thing is when the blood does a little dance
7 months ago
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matt if it's a boy, matryoshka if it's a girl inside a bigger girl inside a bigger girl inside a bigger girl inside a big woman
8 months ago
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"reader beware you're in for a scare"? way to spoil your own book, goosebumps
8 months ago
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tried to order my usual meal at a chain restaurant but they ran out of 18 inch gold chains for the day
8 months ago
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what if the candyman can't? ever think about that? what if the candyman got other things to do today? what if the candyman is prioritizing his peace?
8 months ago
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bitcoin? yeah i've tried testing the authenticity of dubloons with my teeth before
8 months ago
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i miss the days where con artist were artists. where's the pizzazz? where's the razzle dazzle? there's no soul in the con anymore 😔
8 months ago
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