ZOO RENOVATION UPDATE Turns out the alligators didn't escape. They were downriver in our Exotic Fish Extravaganza.* Alligator pen renovations are complete and the fencing now reaches to the bottom of the river. *Please contribute to our Exotic Fish Extravaganza GoFundMe.

We had another mauling incident. They'll probably be more. It is what it is.

OSHA took our bonobo's glass cutters.

Our polar bears get ready to take a cold plunge.

An eagle that smokes? Really, Greeneville? We had a moose get drunk on fermented apples in a trash bin and it took 3 burly guards to pry his antlers loose but we never gave him shit about it.

Wrong. That was your mom.

This is revisionist history. Gavin was stealing food from the badgers.

The wolves have put themselves in charge of the deer pen.

We appreciate the positive comments about our manger scene but we don't have a manger scene. Karl our greensman passed out in the sheep pen.

"A zebra is just a redacted horse" -Kyle The Intern

Greeneville didn't have a rodent enclosure until the city caught them dumping pesticides next to their compost bins and those rats look like the Dogs of Chernobyl.

Nobody knows who's in charge over at Greenville.

Introducing the very first zoo crypto, "REDVILLE COIN 🍌🍌" We don't have a prospectus, but we do have a tax lien and an urgent deadline to buy liability insurance before January 1st.

The zoo is temporarily closed while we take an inventory of our missing turkeys.

It wasn't us. We can't even keep our own turkies safe.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to the GoFundMe to raise money for Groundskeeper Carl's rabies shots. Good news, the bat tested negative. Bad news, Carl had a blood alcohol level of 2.8 which is a parole violation and we used the money to get him a lawyer.

After a temporary shutdown over living conditions, the weasels have voted with the pigs to reopen the zoo.

We want to thank everyone who donated to get our GM out of jail. There's no way to know the lemurs were stolen.

One of our chimps burned down the wash station. Hugo only gets in the tub if we give him a cigarette but we forgot to take away his lighter.

Here's the thing about Redville Zoo. We're not the biggest. We're not the fanciest. Some of our paperwork is questionable and a few of our animals are carrying diseases we can't identify, but we've been the #1 attraction in Redville since our truck ran out of gas and coasted into an empty field.

We have close to 1000 followers and the greatest fan base on the socials. You folks are the best! Now, can someone lend us $ to bail out our social media person? or we'll be forced to start a podcast.

Redville Zoo's sea otters hold hands because we value love and family.

You can't tariff a good time! Visit Redville Zoo.

We hate to spread gossip, but we heard that Greeneville's Giant Andean Condor Is just a fat crow.

We want to congratulate Greeneville management on 1 day since a clown terrified a child at their "brilliant" BOO AT THE ZOO Halloween event.

We apologize for trying to pass off trout as koi fish in our "Exotic Aquatic Experience" but tariffs are kicking our butts and we thought red highlighters were waterproof.

You'll never hear Greeneville's wolves cry to the blue corn moon.

Today, Greeneville Zoo said some of the most disturbing words we've ever heard.

At least we're not on a Superfund site and our zoo director has both his arms.

Big weekend at Greeneville Zoo. We don't like to spread rumors but we heard they're trying to pass off a whiny coyote as a rare New Guinea Singing Dog.

Unlike Greeneville Zoo, our employees aren't forced to wear weirdass matching uniforms.

Unlike Greeneville Zoo, Redville Zoo will be open be open normal hours on Labor Day.

Greeneville Zoo is the only zoo in America where you enter through an insurance office.

A lot of people are saying that Greeneville Zoo sits on top of a Superfund site and their "Rare And Unusual Animals" exhibit is just a collection of radioactive freakish mutations that you enter at your own risk.

Octopuses have 3 hearts and they all hate Greeneville Zoo.

Our fainting goats are authentic. Greeneville Zoo's fainting goats are just drama queens.

The biggest difference between Redville Zoo and Greeneville Zoo is our animals are free to leave.

We were shocked to find out that Greeneville Zoo's passwords were all 123chimpanzee.

Greeneville zoo doesn't understand "freedom"

Greeneville calls it an"escape." We call it "the governor's work furlough and rehabilitation program through soft societal reintegration."

And we want To Congratulate Greeneville Zoo On their Prison Work Release Program and remind visitors that a flashing red ankle bracelet means you should call the cops.

Our weasel was glad to finally be caught. He was living off scraps from the Greeneville Zoo Cafe and now he's pre diabetic.

Greeneville Zoo makes it's animals drink out of a garden hose

We hate to start rumors but the director of Greeneville Zoo was spotted passed out next to the donkey tranquilizers.