We have people right here in Lubbock who attribute all the evil in the world to a nefarious gang of Zionist bankers, New World Order plotters, and Secular-Humanist conspirators. I have a couple of questions about this cabal: Are they hiring and, if so, how do I apply?

In order to raise the average intelligence of Lubbock drivers, the Texas Supreme Court has ordered the City of Lubbock to start training monkeys, baboons, lemurs, and stray possums to operate motor vehicles.

I think there must have been 40 million people at Woodstock, judging by the number of old Boomers who claim they were there. It’s the same with the 26,000 classmates Buddy Holly had at Lubbock High.

Is guillotine ownership right for you? The guillotine is user-friendly. Just raise the blade and pull the lanyard for picture-perfect results every time. Sharpening is easy and even a dull blade works well for clients like pedophile youth pastors. Just take a few extra whacks

Give 'em hell, Harry!

Fire Elon Musk. The pic below is totally irrelevant.

Live your life in such a way that people will not cheer, propose toasts, compose celebratory memes, or high-five each other when you are gunned down on a public street.

Riot control 1. I am going to renew my suggestion that we replace water cannon, tear gas, rubber bullets etc. with a truck mounted high pressure incinerator that would quickly convert large amounts of marijuana into dense clouds of smoke that could be directed at unruly crowds.