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Security personnel, Top priority An unknown intruder has stolen my bat’leth and replaced it with a foil-wrapped chocolate replica. This is not a joke. Locate the thief. Worf

Commander, On reflection, I do not think Ensign Crusher would be a good candidate for the security intern position. Worf

Dr. Crusher, Yes, if Wesley wishes to shadow me for a day to consider the security intern program, he may, but it will not be easy. Worf

All crew, My security team does not pursue matters related to your personal information being released from the Ferengi credit hack. Worf

Mrs. Garcia, My condolences. Your husband did not survive the away mission. He died with honor. Counselor Troi will visit shortly. Worf

Ensign Garcia, You will accompany Commander Riker and me to the planet's surface. Report to transporter room 3 tomorrow at 0800. Worf

All crew, Again, please do not insert unknown USB drives from random planets into computer ports on the Enterprise. Worf

Commander, I must visit my family. I request shore leave starting 30 days from today. Please do not grant me more than 3 days. Worf

Thank you for subscribing to the Enterprise security newsletter. There have been 580 security breaches this week, all dealt with. Worf

Geordi, I am unable to locate my cowboy hat. I need it for tomorrow. Is there a way the ship's internal sensors could help? Worf

Senior staff, I am still looking for my bat’leth. Inform me if you find it. Worf

Engineering, My calisthenics program has a problem. Instead of proper opponents the holodeck is only creating cartoon ponies. Worf

Captain, Dr. Crusher has ordered me to inform you that I am too sick to work today. I have now completed the task she has assigned me. I will be at my post as usual. Worf

All crew, Fire suppression on decks 9 to 21 will be tested at 1130 hours. There will be a harmless white gas. Hold your breath. Worf

Amazon seller, The bat'leth you sent me is faulty. It broke right away in combat. I insist you accept returns in this instance. Worf

Commander, I believe I have just solved a string of 20th century Earth crimes. Are you familiar with the Zodiac Killer? Worf

Glorifax Customer Service, My honor rating in your system is much lower than in the other two honor reporting agencies. Obviously there has been an error. I demand a correction. Worf, son of Mogh

Security personnel, Some Cardassians are coming aboard. The Captain insists we treat them as guests. Keep your eyes on our guests. Worf

Guinan, What do you have in Ten Forward for a hangover? Worf

Dr. Pulaski, My name is spelled Worf, not Wharf. Do not make this mistake again. Worf

Geordi, Is there a way to enter our authorization codes by typing them instead of speaking aloud to the computer? Several crew members have complained that they need to memorize a new code after each use because coworkers overheard them. Worf

Self reminder. Sharpen bat'leth.

Commander Data, Your speed and strength are impressive. Would you consider sparring with me tomorrow? Worf

Commander Riker, I regret I must cancel our game today, as you seem unwell. Beating a sick man would be dishonorable. Worf

Security personnel, Do not put phasers in the lost and found. We have weapon procurement procedures for a reason. Worf

Guinan, I have been meaning to ask you, how do your claws repel Q? And can you teach others to do that? Worf

Data, I am done feeding your animal. Come collect it. Worf

Security personnel, I have imbibed an Earth weed and it is having an effect. I need to know who is conspiring against me. Report. Worf

Remove me from this list

Captain, There is a strong possibility the Dominion may have hacked our email system. We must change all access codes today. Worf

Mother, I am well. The captain continues to dismiss my suggestions. It is not easy being the only Klingon. I do enjoy poker nights. Worf

UNSUBSCRIBE

Commander, Thank you for the LinkedIn recommendation. Should I write one for you as well? Worf

Commander, During your mission we rescued an escape pod containing a gold humanoid and a beeping trash can. They are with Data. Worf

Deanna, I noticed you were looking at me today. Is your wish to engage in combat or would you like to have dinner? Worf

No. Worf

Chief O'Brien, I wish to apologize for my behavior at the Feats of Strength competition. It was not my intention to injure you. Worf

Security personnel, The captain is behaving strangely. If he gives you a direct order, run it by me first. Worf

Captain, When we visit planets 4 and 8 of the Chan system, is the Prime Directive still in effect? They deserve some interference. Worf

Commander Riker, Again, I apologize. Worf

Commander, Tell me if I am correct. A flush beats a straight, and four of a kind beats a flush. Is that right? Worf

Data, I have found your animal. It is in Jefferies tube 25. It will not come out. Worf

Senior staff, I have not finished Game of Thrones. I hear today's delegation resembles the Starks. Please no spoilers. Worf

Captain, I take responsibility for your account being hacked. It will not happen again. Lt. Commander La Forge will explain it to me. Worf

Security personnel, It is time to begin conducting your performance evaluations. Meet in holodeck 3 at 0700. Bring a phaser. Worf

Lt. Cmdr. Data, I regret that I neglected to address you by your rank in my previous email. I will be more careful. Worf

Bridge crew, I have not played the latest Walking Dead hologram, so I do not know who dies. Do not tell me. I wish to be surprised. Worf

O’Brien, What would happen if someone energized a transporter console slider too slowly? Worf

Data, I am sorry, but your email was too long. I did not finish reading it. Can you summarize? Worf