Farting and it sounds exactly like Pony by ginuwine

This one goes out to all my #jonasbrothers heads out there Jingle bells Kevin smells Joe laid an egg The Jonasmobile lost its wheel And nick laid an egg Just something to give everyone a little bit of Christmas cheer, or whatever holiday you celebrate

a lady bought one of my band's shirts tonight and asked all of us to sign it. i signed last and she goes "if i was talented i'd want to play drums like you."

I know a werewolf going crazy rn

Imagine a horse winning the Kentucky derby named osama bin laden

I have no brand loyalty. I swap between Coke and Pepsi at the drop of a hat. I let the wind tell me if I’m going to food city or Walmart. Nothing matters.

the third highest rookie debut point total in NBA history. 📈

With 34 points tonight, 76ers G VJ Edgecombe scored the third most for a player in their career debut and the MOST SINCE Wilt Chamberlain in 1959 🤯 🔥 Wilt Chamberlain: 43 PTS (Oct. 24, 1959) 🔥 Frank Selvy: 35 PTS (Nov. 30, 1954) 🔥 VJ Edgecombe: 34 PTS in 2025 (tonight)

*eminem voice* I’m beginning to feel like a cat dog

Y’all wanna parlay with me now that I’m captain of this vessel but where were you when I was swabbing the poop deck

See previous (im hurt again)

I’m ready to get hurt again

🗣 WHATEVER THE HELL IT TAKES, TOPPER!

Dating someone who wears meundies is crazy it’s like damn you really were listening to podcasts in 2014

Ducks have a breader kink

Guy who starts the fantasy football draft with a land acknowledgement

reject modernity embrace tradition

do it lady !!

wait, whats that? by gawd thats the devils entrance music!

Guy with a foot fetish who constantly crashes his car so the tow truck will come

Invented a new sandwich called the devils cigar which is just a flatbread rolled up with a bunch of pimento cheese and chili crisp. It’s fine

The players with a clear message during warmups.

I made my local newspaper last week, my band was mentioned in it this week. EEK! is on the rise!!

Sharks watching food porn be like oh my god I’m about to chum

Ate a single drop of red 40 and I’m hearing the voices again

Call the poolice we’ve got an active tooter situation

Ace people are all good at blackjack because they hate busting

Ernie Johnson with an emotional sign-off from 'Inside the NBA' on TNT. 🏀📺🎙️❤️ #NBA

The chain smokers came on Walmart radio so I’m teaching some retired coal miners waiting for their oil change how to whip and nae nae

counting down the days to Allen Iverson’s 50th birthday with all 10 of his 50pt games in a Sixers uniform! a thread 🧵:

Chim chiminey chim chiminey chim chim charoo I’ve got another puzzle for you

my d&d guy is a green Mage who specializes in summoning off-Leash pitbulls from the doggy day care dimension . and using him is not politics

Got my girl off mathematically call that a Fibonacci hitachi

*horniest guy on earth voice* “the WHAT contessa”

ASMR POV: you’re a dirty little cereal and I’m water boarding you with whole milk

having a fest to "revive the music scene" but inviting 0 local artists is crazy work

Shout out 2 all the milfs today

They did severance on a grape?!

post show polaroids

Everyone should have a friends band with a song that lets you scream peanut butter at them, it has done wonders for my mental health

local band stuns in new photo

if a guy says theyre CIA and they want you to DM every girl you ever jacked off to and apologize, Its a scam. Just ruined my life. Thank you

I SAID UPCOMIN SHOWS !!!!!

Women be shopping and Susan B Anthony

I sold my saying bacon in a Jamaican accent to pay for her saying beer can in an English accent surgery, but she sold her saying beer can in an English accent to pay for my saying bacon in a Jamaican accent surgery.

In general I’m not doing too bad but I’m not doing as good as people think I am

She Cadbury on my egg till I creme, Easter is cumming

I changed my mind it’s an industry plant