It's not artifical intelligence. It's Victor Frankenstien retrained as an sweatshop author.

Winston’s plotting direct support for rugby. Has racing long sewn-up. Adding an industrial support package for the flailing craft beer sector would see him with the perfect election campaign.

Playing CK3 with AGOT mod as Tywin, and the Seven Kingdom are just now SCANDALISED by news my children have been incestuously cuckholding the King.

My stories so hot they get front-page matched on THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD. www.nzherald.co.nz/business/the...

Pretty sure my job is safe: AI can never be held accountable. Therefore, AI must never make a publishing decision that might trigger defamation action.

Sorry. Couldn't resist. www.nzherald.co.nz/business/why...

I'm just a biz journo, standing in front of a Taxation Authority, asking it to stop chanting Tax Secrecy provisions.

One of my longer-running investigations (onto this in 2021, spurring SFO investigation and later prosecution) reaches the endgame as another member of the Peters family goes down: www.nzherald.co.nz/business/auc...

Fair to say the liquidation of this well-known florist has some interesting facets. www.nzherald.co.nz/business/com...

Cooking seafood chowder and I have cheat codes in the cupboard. In lieu of fish stock I’m juicing my vege stock with Daishi powder and fish sauce. Thanks Asia!

I think I mighta just got inaugurated as President Business.

The US has faulty tests mass-spamming mobile alerts that nuclear missiles are incoming to Honolulu. The UK has this: www.nzherald.co.nz/world/uk-rad...

Got asked by work to give training sessions on interviewing. (Lol, I rarely get granted interviews these days.) I walked through daring Winston to hang up on me and splitting interviews with conmen into “please, lie to me at length and on record” then “ho ho ho I now have receipts and a blowtorch”.

Hotelling's law posits that parties selling gender definition legislation will all inevitably cluster at the end of the beach next to the malfunctioning sewage plant.

The Boys season five: Pretty mid, but I forgive given the amazing ride to date.

A reminder that terror manifestos are proven, and designed to be, vectors of stochastic terrorism and should be treated as radioactive.

Deploying Madman Theory in international relations can only achieve strategic victory in the absence of actual madness.

Hell is my inbox.

If ever you felt you didn't have enough Matt Nippert in your inbox, the Herald now offers a one-click option for subscribers to have my stories delivered to you as as soon as they're published. www.nzherald.co.nz/business/the...

My father-in-law is mariner. It is difficult to get his attention on the open seas because he is lost in wonder. We were in a Strait of Hormuz together years ago and I asked him what it would cost to open it today. I will never forget his answer… 'We can’t, we don’t know how to do it.'"

Lemee get this straight: $3m subsidy for Robbie Williams is a $50/head subsidy on Eden Park tickets. Nick Sautner says big events see 3000 people employed on the night - but that works out at only 8 FTEs. $375k an FTE is truly "job rich".

I've been looking into this case for a while, and finally - after multiple delays - got my hands on underlying documentation. It's pretty eye-opening. www.nzherald.co.nz/business/far...

If ever you felt you didn't have enough Matt Nippert in your inbox, the Herald now offers a one-click option for subscribers to have my stories delivered to you as as soon as they're published. www.nzherald.co.nz/business/the...

The Iran conflict has reached a terrible quagmire where the best options remaining for each party are: Moar bombs (US), indiscriminate droning and mining of the Gulf (Iran). The Nash equilibrium is another shitty forever war, but this time with (economic) costs borne globally.

The layers on this, it’s like an extremely sus onion. www.nzherald.co.nz/business/the...

Fun story tomorrow.

Audrey Young on the week the election campaign truly began: When coalition partners began eating each other. www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/politics/...

Jan 14: OIA filed Feb 13: Dept extends to Mar 27 Mar 27: extends to Apr 21 April 21: extends to May 1 #FixTheOIA

TIL the BBC commissioned Matt Berry to do a nativity show a couple of decades back. Quite the cast: the Mighty Boosh guys and Matt Lucas. It is bananas and possibly the best use of 28 minutes. www.youtube.com/watch?v=JS1e...

The conclusion of a very long story tip, from a guy wanting me to expose his trespassing from a pet store because of “conduct issues”.

Ofc The Deep drives a Cybertruck. #TheBoys

i feel bad for our country but this is tremendous content

Evolving US view of Hormuz: -The Strait is open. -Iran closing the Strait is a breach of international law. -The Strait is open if you're not a wuss. -Please help me reopen the Strait. -We started this war to keep the Strait open. -We are now blockading the Strait.

Ok, I'm gonna fire up Terra Invicta again and see what two years of EA development has cooked up. Can't wait to spend 15 hours clawing my way into my first space habitat only to be wiped on Independence Day.

The dreaded F30 dishwasher error. As good as a sign as any that civilisation is crumbling before our very eyes.

Somewhere in DC or Norfolk a banner-printing firm gets an order for an aircraft carrier-sized “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” in ornate gold font. The printing technician sets up the all-night job then liquidates their 401 and logs onto Polymarket….

Every political leader secretly dreams of the wartime or civilisational crisis popularity bump. But it doesn’t manifest if there is no actual war or crisis, or if you’re the one who started it.

I used my knowledge developed tracking Russian mercs and shadow fleets abusing the Cook Island flag to hunt the most ponderous and easy game of all: Legitimate oil tankers. Looks like it's business as usual for New Zealand ... for now. www.nzherald.co.nz/business/com...

Did some back-of-envelope calculations and inflation-adjusting, and on a per-day basis the US seems to be spending 50% on its Iran war that the country spent during WW2. The latter also included the Manhattan Project and many boots on the ground in three continents.

A wealth tax in California ripples through to the New Zealand companies office: Peter Thiel changes his listed residential address for Wanaka property company from Los Angeles to Miami.

Me: I have started negotiations with the bank over my mortgage. They are desperate to make a deal, and have promised me a hugely valuable gift. I can’t tell you the name of my mortgage manager, because the bank would kill him if they found out! Bank: Who is this guy?

Cutlery drawer started self-opening, requiring a fish slice wedged through the handle to keep closed. Diagnosed issue as a rubber catch that's disintegrated. After visiting five hardwear stores to find identifcal replacement runners, discover the ones I bought are subtly different and unusable. FML.

Replacing Iranian leadership with even more hard-liners; blowing up local alliances; lifting Russian and Iranian sanctions; emptying your interceptor stockpiles: Sure looks like the conditions for victory have now been reached, Donald.

In the early days of the United States' entry into WW2, the White House mandated the lowering of speed limits to 35mph: Not to save oil, but rather tyres (rubber being the C20 equivalent of rare earths).

Dune 3: Hot Muad'dib Spice Machine

Oil crisis is one of those weird crises that’s very binary: There’s no real crisis (petrol prices up a bit is not a crisis), right up until the oil runs out.

Or Iran, I need to add.

The Board of Peace, pictured.

Nice North Atlantic Treaty Organisation you’ve got there. Would be a real shame if anything happened to it, like a major ally quitting in a fit of pique because you wouldn’t join his Epic Armada of Freedom.

Breaking apart a block of Tamarind with my BARE HANDS and soaking it in BOILING WATER to make my own paste like a BOSS. Am I doing #manosphere right?